RPC Authority

Hazard Types: None

Uhhh… Yes there are. Mechanical, Immeasurable

RPC-536 is to be stored in locker 47.

What? First, state the description on the containment chamber, next, what site, then the locker #

Any researcher testing RPC-536 may do so only in the presence of personnel of the same clearance levels and communication devices should be kept away

What does this mean? And also the (See addendum) or whatever goes after the punctuation.

Overall this needs to be longer and more descriptive.

attached headphones.

equipped with headphones.

the words “Universal Translator Activated”

This is a cassette player, it needs a cassette to play a sound. Maybe it can have some anomalous cassette tape that always makes itself back to RPC-536.

Upon turning on the walkman

Lesson #1: Never refer to your anomaly like that, always refer to it as the designation ID, RPC-536.

Placing a cassette tape in the Walkman has no effect. The radio works normally.

"Placing a cassette tape into RPC-536 displays no anomalous effect although it can function normally without a cassette tape inside."

any speech in non-English languages

any foreign language

within a three-meter area

within a three-meter radius. Why such a small radius?

English through the headphones.

The headphones shown in the image have no audio input, if that's an ability, then describe it. Also, why specifically English? I feel it would be cooler if it will adapt to the user's primary language.

If two or more non-English languages are spoken simultaneously, RPC-536 will translate all conversations simultaneously.

Thanks Captain Obvious!

not merely vocalizing but granting comprehension.

Cassette players don't usually vocalize it just plays something, and what the hell does that sentence mean?

Recorded audio from RPC-536 does not allow similar comprehension of multiple conversations.

Again, What does this mean?

RPC-536’s efficacy increases the longer it is worn while activated

You mean wearing the headphones?

Though initially unable, after sixty-three minutes of use the device translated a simple constructed language created by researchers for testing.

What? I don't even know what you are trying to say here.

When turned off and back on, it could not translate the language until another sixty-three minutes had passed.

This should be in an addendum

After an additional forty-three minutes

After RPC-536 is being used for approximately 43 minutes

IMO bro, just rewrite the whole paragraph, sorry to say.

Researchers report hearing constant, low level screams of pain, varying with the breathing and heartbeat of anyone within RPC-536’s range. If anything in range moves significantly, especially to touch a solid object, the volume of the screaming increases and combines with begging for mercy and pleading for the movement to cease.

From what? Cells? Cells don't vocalize or make noise. Are you trying to say that these objects secretly can feel these things or it can interoperate a cell's feelings?

This is too short and childish. In NO way am I good at dialogue but this is setting you up for embarrassment, trust me, I've been there.

This is fine.

After activation, RPC-536 will translate any speech in foreign languages within a five-meter radius into the wearer's primary language through the headphones, despite the lack of audio input. Text is translated as it is written and sign language is also translated, despite the lack of video input.

"After activation, RPC-536 will translate all forms of verbal communication within a five-meter radius to the wearer's primary language, including non-vocal means such as writing or sign languages. This is done despite the apparent absence of any audio or video input."

Clinical tone is meant to be concise: describe things as clearly as you can using as few words as possible. The rest of the article isn't bad, but I encourage you to try to improve it based on this recommendation and the example above anyway.

Researchers report hearing constant, low level screams of pain, varying with the breathing and heartbeat of anyone within RPC-536’s range. If anything in range moves significantly, especially to touch a solid object, the volume of the screaming increases and combines with begging for mercy and pleading for the movement to cease. The objects touching do not have to be biological; dropping a pen onto the floor causes the same expressions of pain.

What do you mean by "varying with the breathing and heartbeat of anyone within RPC-536’s range"? The screams proceed from inorganic objects too.

I believe this section would benefit from some ambiguity. Don't reveal right away that they are screams of pain — that's probably something best left for the concluding interview, and is best communicated with a degree of subjectivity and ambiguity.

Brad Thompson: Don’t touch that!

Eric Feagins: The table?

Brad Thompson: It hurts them when you touch it. They don’t want you to.

Why'd he specifically have an issue with the table when they're already stepping on something? Maybe he just likes that table or wants to minimize pain — you should elaborate a little on this.

Other than that, I really like the concept and how it's handled: I just wish the screaming was an impactful reveal rather than it being just handed as part of the description. There's plenty of ways to develop it — some kind of investigation, a concluding interview, audio analysis… Think of it as leading the reader through a narrative, slowly revealing things about the item instead of just writing an explanation.

I really like the idea. However I think it could be presented better. It should really be implied more than it is told, in order for it to leave a deeper imprint. Right now, the article sets up the concept well in the last paragraph of the description, but spills all the tea in the log. I think that instead of getting Brad to give his interpretation and all its entails so bluntly, he should give a bit more detail on what he is experiencing, and imply his thoughts. Let me give some examples:

Maybe it’s the molecules talking. If you could hear what I’m hearing, you wouldn’t do that to them.

Very blunt way of putting it. Maybe something like “The coffee, the table, me and you, all made up of the same uncountable suffering.”

Yes! Yes, it’s all hurting them. Just… don’t touch anything, okay? Don't move. It makes the screaming so much louder.

Something like: “Everything, Eric. Just… every little thing you do makes them screams worse.”

You could also elaborate a little more on their experiences. More than just “it hurts them”. What does it mean that the things that let us live are actively suffering from our existence? What’s forcing them to keep themselves in unison? Are they resisting against the laws of physics that keep them tortured? I could see this concept be developed more, especially in relation to entropy and the heat death of the universe, where there will essentially never be interaction between anything as the distance between anything is too large.

Lastly, I can see a bit of a disconnect. Every other “language speaker” except for the molecules/atoms/quarks or whatever they’re supposed to be has a method of communication that the device is apparently picking up on. Audiowaves, radio waves, computer signals, all of that. Essentially, the device picks up on whatever method of transporting information there is. But which one is used by the particles? Here I think you could hint towards something interesting. Maybe the laws of physics? Maybe the four fundamental forces and their transmitters? Maybe something less sci-fi? Could be connected to the above paragraph.

information through communication devices.

"information through communication networks."

apparent absence of any audio or video input.

"apparent absence of any visual or auditory input."

Though recordings sound like fast-paced gibberish,

"Though recordings sound nonsensical,"

Brad Thompson requested amnestics before the agents could bring them up.

"Brad Thompson requested amnestics proactively."