RPC-429 Odd Companions
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RPC-429 Odd Companions
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» RPC-429 Odd Companions
It’s cute, but this is a cadre of canine Mary Sues. They’re cool friendly dogs who are helpful and have some human intelligence characteristics. I think the latter point is something that you could draw some more tension from, show the struggle of having a human intelligence matrix attempting to navigate existing with a dog brain and body. There is some I have no mouth and I must scream style subtext in this article and I’d love to see that made more prominent!
Such is life in the Soviet Union
Divine class
Why is this here? I love dogs too but this isn't fitting for them (and I can't think of any anomalies that use this classification)
When nighttime occurs
I think a more formal way to say this would likely be After sunset
During the event of a breach of anomalies designated Alpha-Gamma,
Why specify Alpha-Gamma? Why not just ANY type of containment breach.
and preforming tasks
performing
Instances' anatomical makeup of their larynx and mouth include a more human-like tongue
The anatomical makeup of an RPC-429 instances larynx and mouth…
RPC-429 as been noted
has been noted
become fatigue at rapid rates
become fatigued at a rapid rate.
21/2 weeks at a time,
I know you probably don't mean 21 and a half, but attempt to clarify this as "21 to 22 weeks" or something along those lines so nobody can misread it (if you meant something else, try to clarify it in the way I wrote it)
plutonic
platonic (plutonic relationships has to be one of the coolest spelling mistakes I've seen in a while though!)
When the mention bonds
mentioned'
The Presidium note makes me think this should get the secondary Utility class
a emotional support or disability guide dog
an emotional support
kept at there facility
their
He then they never put them up for adoption at any point during this process.
They were never put up for adoption
I agree with Harmony in that the "humans trapped in a dogs body" aspect is something that I picked up on while reading and definetely could make this article a lot more interesting if you doubled down/expanded on it more. Other than that, I am not a fan of it as is with it feeling very "mary sue'ish".
where they are contained during specific events.
procedures state that they are kept in the kennel at night, then says that they are contained there during specific events, which seems like a contradiction. It also does not specify what these specific events are, which seems to me like important information.
a breach of anomalies designated Alpha-Gamma
this is a bit of an odd category because it encompasses every anomaly that could be contained and designated as an RPC. the only containment class that would be excluded here is Omega, a class defined by being impossible to contain. (there's also Theta but we don't use that anymore.)
RPC-429 instances display typical canine behavior such as playing with dog toys, digging, chasing, and barking. However, RPC-429 exhibits sapient characteristics that are on-par with typical human brain functions
tone issues here, I think just saying "typical canine behavior" is sufficient.
They had talked about how when they were born, they had "cried like human babies",
I like this mental image. It's good.
I'm gonna echo the statments of the others. It's boring as is, but there's potential in the idea of humans being turned into dogs. I want to point out the final section in particular, with the image and the line "Say hello to mans best friend!" It's delightfully off-kilter in a way that I'm sure would be ominous if it had been preceded by something more unsettling. I think you should keep that part as-is.
The self replicating hazard might be appropriate here rather than the regenerative
Containment protocols:
I'm against the idea of having RPCs roaming around a site. Consider how many instances might be lost in the event of a containment breach, having a designated recreation area for this RPC is a great idea and i think they should mostly stay there when not doing other duties.
"If assisting other personnel in their duties, the instance's clearance is to be disregarded and is to match the clearance of the individual that the instance is assisting."
lotta kinda alliteration, could be amde a bit clearer, i also wanna use the previous point for this. If you're working on a dangerous memetic or mindcontrol RPC you don't want it mingling with other anomalies.
Description:
"we forget that we are dogs sometimes because we vividly remember our past lives. We are humans in dog bodies"
I wish you were way more subtler with this. Having sentient dogs with some human behaviour is interesting enough but adding onto it this minor GOI and talking about how they're reincarnated humans kills any surprise that could've been added in here.
If you want to remedy this maybe have no instances talk and have context clues as to this surprise, like birthmarks and irregular behaviours to dogs.
"However, newly acquired RPC-429 instances tend to refrain from attacking other anomalies, unless trained to do so, due to unknown reasons."
This could be rewritten to:
"However, newly acquired RPC-429 instances tend to refrain from attacking hostile anomalies for reasons currently unknown. This can be avoided with proper training given by [insert more here]"
The file:
I feel like the Buddha's hand is presented no different than any other religious cult GOI. I feel there should be a nuance or deeper link into buddhism teachings that i feel isn't present here.
I like the logo though, that's a nice logo
For the concepts i think could be looked further into:
The link into buddhism and a deeper understanding of the religion and how it ties into the RPC would be appreciated.
What happens after prolonged exposure to a RPC instance? are there any negative effects? What if a subject after long exposure is kept away from thier bonded isntace for a problenged period of time? Any negative effects?
A human reincarnates into a dog's body, does this override the canine instinct? the canine intellect? I think looking further into human vs canine instinct with this instance could lead to more.
What happens when an instance dies? does the minor GOI know? do the dogs know?
Overall:
There's a lot of underdeveloped ideas here that i'd love to see worked on and i'm kinda shocked that the whole reincarnating humans into dogs isn't at least hidden for a bit of the article, or at least obfuscated. A decent concept, but one that needs some developing to parts
Instances that are not service animals or are not assisting in other personnel's duties are to be limited to areas of their containing site that require a low clearance level, however, bathrooms and cafeterias are restricted.
The sentence is already long. Seperate the "bathrooms and cafeterias" part into its own sentence.
If assisting other personnel in their duties, the instance's clearance is to be disregarded and is to match the clearance of the individual that it is assisting.
During the event of a breach, RPC-429 instances are permitted to escort personnel to breach shelter.
Along with this, instances may assist personnel during evacuation.
However, RPC-429 exhibits sapient characteristics that are on-par with typical human brain functions, allowing it to learn tasks to assist in tests, MST operations, and performing tasks alongside ASF personnel.
The latter part of this sentence seems arbitraty. You mention that they have human-like intelligence and then said that they help MST and ASF. The fact that they are asset to the Authority was not established.
The anatomical makeup of an RPC-429 instances larynx and mouth match those of humans.
When speaking, instances have been recorded to speak fluent English at an adult level.
Mention the level of language proficiency. Example: C1.
This positive effect on subjects tends to last in periods of approximately 2-3 weeks at a time, depending on the period of exposure.
and have stayed loyal deserve another life as a dog
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