RPC Authority

Before I start, what does Authority Crimes Tribunal mean? That just isn't a department anywhere in the division pages. The only ones that manage crimes committed inside the Authority would be the Office of Ethics and Review or UNAAC

The following file has been constructed of disparate resources to create a timeline of events.

This implies that what happened is like, lost or that there's little information about when that's just not the case across the whole article.

Unless you are involved in management of the current RPC-922, Incident: Yutu is Bleeding, the following criminal case, or bear otherwise issued clearance,

please stop reading immediately.

This is both informal and badly formatted, not accounting for grammatical errors. Also, this article is not a criminal case. That's not what that term means.

Containment Protocols

held in HU.C922

Random term with no explanatory footnote? Also, should be "held at" if it's a place.

on the perimeter of Site-52

It's on the perimeter? As in, it's held on the edges of the site? Ot is HU.C922 located there? Perimeter is the delineatory line of an area, so idk what you mean by this. Also, should be Site-052

The unit is to be inspected bimonthly for damage.

I assume this unit is HU.C922?

and other items to CSD-0221

If CSD-0221 is important to the containment protocols, and is apparently at HU.C922, shouldn't this be mentioned before?

through the double hatch mechanism

Should be just "through a double" unless you specify what double hatch mechanism in particular this is, which you don't

may be utilized for inspections of the interior

What interior?

communication with the entity

What entity? If you mean the anomaly, you should call it by its proper designation, like RPC-XXX-A or smth. Just saying "entity" doesn't mean anything.

in order to safely transport it without risk of escape.

Does it need to be transported somewhere for security reasons? If so, why isn't that specified in this section?

__Description: __

Strix Hadorami

Is there a reason to just put a picture of an owl with a caption reading "owl" without further context? Is it just a random owl or is it related to the article in any way. It's as if I was talking about a canine-humanoid monster and I used an image if my dog with a caption reading "dog". It has no relationship to it besides being… half of what the anomaly is? Maybe?

and related structures

To the head and neck? Does that mean it's spine and nervous system resemble that a bird? Shoulder muscles and bones as well? This is very vague

The hybrid morphology is normally functional

So his morphology sometimes doesn't work? And this isn't further expanded upon? That does his morphology not working from time to time imply here?

The cornea of RPC-922’s eyes portray the image of the far side of the moon. Repeated observations have shown the image to correspond to Luna’s current libration. Researchers therefore hypothesize that the corneas function as gateways or portals, and aren't simply imitations.

"Portray the image of", implying it is a static drawing of it? Because that's what portray means. Is it drawn over his pupil, or does it appear as a reflection on its surface? Furthermore, why call it "Luna" capitalized? Specially when you called it "moon" in the same paragraph? That's just the Spanish word for moon, and you aren't writing in Spanish. It just makes it sound like someone confused Warhammer 40k terminology with the actual, formal term for the moon.

Also, you used both "gateway" and "portal" incorrectly. It is also an oddly specific thing to assume for what could just be remote monitoring or sorts or simply projecting the current state of the moon onto the cornea. And what would "imitation" mean here? Did they think there was a fake miniature moon in its eye???

and unresponsive during the day. However, during nights with a visible moon

Despite popular belief, the moon doesn't vanish during a new moon. It's still there, and you can still see it with a bit of effort and in a clear enough sky. You should probably reword it.

the creature becomes

Use "anomaly" or "entity" since you already specified what subject we're talking about. Creature is a pretty unformal term.

above the facial disc

above its facial disc*

thick consistency culminating in the cupped hands

Wrong word. I believe you meant to say "accumulating"

morphological dynamic

morphologically dynamic*

as it will occasionally configure varying shapes

configure itself*

before returning formless

This whole sentence is really awkward.

discovered phantasmal properties which allow it to flow past living subjects without experiencing displacement

That's just not what phantasmal means. This entire article is filled with failed attempts at using big words that could've been solved with very, very simple definition searches. Also, are you trying to say it flows without… moving?

upon coming into contact with the flow, the substance induces

Are you… implying the flow and the substance are two different things???

has proven the norotropic factor to be unnecessary

has proven norotropics to be unnecessary*

gradually lowers the ACS values

ACS works in levels, and it measures the logical consistency of a reality, not a confined space. It's not a weirdness scale

let alone clear observation by any faction

Very weirdly worded sentence that is barely understandable. Do you mean to say that no anomalous organization has been able to capture and examine it in detail? This whole section feels really out of place.

from the sleeping position

What? Do you mean to say "sleeping arrangements"?

they disappear upon detection

Do you mean "shortly after"?

with unknown cause and treatment

of unknown cause and without treatment*

It therefore became viewed as an unexplained mystery phenomenon even is some academic circles, for example prominent sleep researchers in the University of Cambridge, prompting the Authority to increase internal study efforts, eventually classifying the phenomenon as Anomalous Event-922 in 2016.

That's… a very odd thing to do? For something that's basically the same thing as sleep paralysis, with equally as vague explanations?

The threat RPC-922 posed to the veil did not diminish, and continuing lack of scientific understanding eventually led to the creation of the RPC-922 file and designation, as well as starting attempts to contain the entity famously known as the "Sleep Stalker" on June 3rd, 2018.

Does this mean they knew of 922 prior to this thing becoming popular? If so, why classify it as an AE? This entire History sections flows really badly, and would've been better as something more organically spread across the description.

Khonshu's Digipak

Khonshu's Digipak

Is there a reason for this to be a large, centered header? It feels really out of place in the format, especially since this is a trend continued across the article for very diff things, when you could just put what the are and their codename to the side.

Housing Unit .C922

I feels it would've been better if this was on a footnote when first mention.

13/02/2022: The wilting plants inside HU.C922 are removed.

Hey, that's pretty cool

07/01/2023: Dr. D'lor returns from vacation.

I feel this is a bit too in the nose. Otherwise, pretty good section

D'lor: Really? Valuing the little time we get? You?

D'lor: Don’t be judgemental, surveillance shows you’d still be restrained to the bed if it wasn’t for it.

I feel this is just a bit silly and bordering on parody

Documentation from Dr. D'lor

faint sizzling will prelude the smell

That's… a very odd choices of words? "Prelude the smell"?

translated as a form of morse code

A form of morse code? What is that supposed to mean?

Xepidemethology

{{This term is explained further down, but I feel it should be done here, in its first mention, as it is otherwise very confusing. The term itself is… alright, I guess. Weirdly specific.}

of the efficiency

of its*

upon however, is

upon, however, is*

I really, really liked the Excerpt. It has very good visuals and a good aura of mystique around it. I think it could do better with a bit more… ambiguity? Mystery? It feels like we're getting the entire picture of the article too soon, although this is a minor nitpick. Good name for the deity too.

I haven't finished the article, but it'd be interesting if the Congregance, one of its Egyptian members, took interest in this anomaly

Another nitpick, is there a reason why it's speaking in English (or pseudo-morse English)? Wouldn't it make more sense if it was Egyptian?

Yutu is Bleeding

Yutu?

On 03/03/2023, the annual Site-019

A link to Site-019's page here is VITAL to understand anything of what's going on

Personnel Wellness survey

Shouldn't "survey" be capitalized as well?

Matsusaka.Cho-Jin.hr.head

Why so many periods? Is this supposed to be like, an email address?

Hello Mr. Erbach.

This should end with a comma

Is there a reason for why all Site-019's grammar is so poor? Being mildly sleep deprived can SOMETIMES result in cut off sentences, missing words and such when writing, but it… shouldn't cause you to not capitalize words? Specifically when this is likely a digital survey? It's an odd stylistic choice

Investigation was begun on the issue

Investigation began on the issue*

but was delayed and slow due to the nature of Site-019 as well as conflicts regarding budgeteering.

but was delayed due to the nature of Site-019, as well as conflicts regarding budgeteering*

Incident-972/BIGGOUDA7

You can't bring up another RPC without linking to it. It's just going to confuse the reader

as it had through various cave systems found

as it had, through various cave systems, found*

were followingly contaminated.

were subsequently contaminated.*

allowed personnel to clear the lower portions of Site-019 of the substance

Did they just… shovel it out? put it in boxes?

or SoARn

or what?

Prelude:

The proper term for what you're doing here would be Foreword

stream of the liquid

stream of liquid*

Fast-acting short-lasting

Fast-acting, short-lasting*

of the flow

It's a bit confusing how you continuously switch between liquid and "flow". They're not interchangeable, and makes it confusing to read

The ship’s coherence reader was beeping. We were in a low space.

Why does the vehicle have a coherency reader? An incredibly expensive, incredibly specific high-end machine on a random vehicle on the moon? You explained it to me, but in the way it's written, I just don't think you pull it off well. There's barely any explanation of how ACS is bleeding from the area or if this is the result of two different realties intersecting. The only thing we have to to off is nightmare goop that forms quirky shapes.

At the same time, nothing in this article looks or sounds remotely similar to low coherency. At best we have the description of an area with a very solid internal logic by a person with sleep deprivation, and that's it.

I also feel this Mister Sun Monster kinda… comes out of nowhere? Yeah, the day was for toil, but nothing in the Except points towards the people there fearing the Sun or seeing it as evil or as an antagonist entity

The mission revealed the liquid to behave differently in low ACS spaces.

Again, just the concept of a place rather a reality having low ACS is novel, and yet it is not explained in any meaningful way, leaving both people that know about ACS and those that haven't very confused, I'd say. It's pretty heavy for a throwaway line. Also, just from this interview and log, how would they even come to this conclusion? It could just be that the anomaly is strongest at its epicenter, and that ACS anomalies are a byproduct of it.

I feel like the Board Alert is so short and lacking in substance that it just doesn't add anything nor does it feel necessary

D’lor V. The Authority Crimes Tribunal

I just feel like the criminal case adds nothing to this article, especially with how little development either of these characters got. It's one more random things in an article that already feels convoluted

And, in all fairness, putting aside his mistreatment of the CSD, there was nothing that'd indicate him that containing this anomaly would result in any of this, given that Site-019 and everything around it isn't just commonplace knowledge in the Authority

Changed to this four days ago. What am I supposed to do with cryptic four word prose?

That's literally just it, thought. What is he supposed to do with this information? Are Authority personnel supposed to let any anomaly go if they ask so?

can only be operated/used blindly, as ACS has reached levels low enough for the flood to be visible

It wouldn't matter if they cover their eyes or not. If the ACS is so terribly low, nothing in Site-019 makes sense anymore. This is what I mean with my previous comments. You just say the ACS is low but never show any examples of it, just like how it can suddenly just affect specific areas without further explanations about it.

VidiCap

A what???

This section is really disappointing. An ASF quite literally just stumbles into the room and goes "oh, damn, you're the guy researching the wild nightmare moon goo anomaly? that's wild, because there's evil nightmare goo in the moon now. you know, kind of like the anomaly you're researching. the moon god nightmare goo anomaly. that one. yeah, uh, just think about it, imma go now, have a good one"

Was there really no other way to do this?

Video Log

Very confusing here. Is the CSD the one supposed to be talking? 992? D'lor? All of them?

I feel this is really on the nose, what with the whole "woe is me I can't help you" when we haven't really seen 922 do or try to do much of anything at all. Neither does it really add anything to D'lor or the CSD

New Article

and Luna

I still don't know why you keep saying that

has revealed many RPC-922 instances to the victims in missing persons cases all over the globe

Grammar is all over the place here

Pretty weird and unsatisfying ending that didn't use much of anything that was given or shown across the article.

Final Thoughts:

As far as the plot of the article goes, I feel it's a bit too obvious what's happening and there's just little to no buildup.

I don't like D'lor. He's just a parody of an evil, mustache twirling scientist with no depth to his character or actions besides being comically cruel and evil in almost every line of dialogue he has. He's just not an interesting character because I can't even try to reason his actions by his own logic. His VidiCap is… very disappointing, to say the least. It just feels like you quickly had to think of something to make him more guilty and aware of the moon incident and went with the most brute force approach imaginable. The CSD is… kinda whatever. I can't care about a character I know nothing about.

Another thing I find lacking in this article is how it uses, or fails to use, ACS. I don't think I can add anything more in here that I haven't already said. It's just a term thrown around without any weight, you can hopefully do better than that.

I think you could've done much better with an antagonist for the article. Like I said in the Excerpt bit, why not make it an obsessed Egyptian or Roman pagan to give a reason for their actions throughout the article? Just some ideas.

The ending was bad. You build up so many times to end up doing absolutely nothing with them. There was no interesting use or either Greek or Egyptian mythology besides the Excerpt, 922 is barely a character as is the CSD and D'lor, nothing about Site-019 is resolved and the whole ACS weirdness just leaves as soon as it appears.

You really gotta change that fuckass image.

RPC-922 is a chimeric entity of both humanoid and avian anatomy.

The neck, head, and related structures belong to that of a Strix Hadorami, or the desert owl, contrasted with the body of a typical human male.

Specify. Something like "skeletal structure above the scapula" or "furcula" or something.

The hybrid morphology functions like that of the owl; meaning It has fixed tubular eyes

First sentence can already be inferred.

The process may be repeated on the same or a different subject.

Not "may", you're making it look like the Authority is giving him permission to do it. "can be"

Additional testing has shown the effect to decrease in magnitude per the inverse-square law.

You can't really quantify something like this emperically so you should make it more clear. Like, the "frequency of hallucinations".

It is generally averse to physical tests, but may allow them on occasion. RPC-922 can not speak, only perform the desert owl’s hoot.

Not matching the clinical tone. "does not have the capacity or knowledge to vocalize like humans." (except birds can generally vocalize like humans)

Before acquisition by the Authority, RPC-922 caused a phenomenon popularly dubbed as “Sleep Stalker Syndrome”.

The first day of containment was of little notice. RPC-922 was unable to be communicated with

Learnt aspects include that of its chimeric anatomy, the nocturnal ritual, the miniature displays of the moon over its eyes, and the silver shackles.

Bruh is this information really necessary if you have eyes and cameras?

The size of this particular camp is of special interest, as records prove it to be arguably the largest,

Specify.

I don't really see what the point of the first VidiCap log because it can basically be done by a retrospective interview log instead. ATM it's really poorly implemented and not a very creative use of the concept. It gets better with VidiCap log 2 but idk.

CRROT.DEP.SITE-019.JAN2023, INCIDENT/922-16.02.2023, Post-Incident Interview doesn't add anything to the article and is just bloat.

Conference Summary on [Incident: Scarring the Moonman]

If you want to make a big event like this hint it earlier.

It detailed how the raid occurred late at day, in order for so that exhaustion to have weakened the slaves the slaves were weakened by exhaustion.

it has been decided that resources can not be allocated during the more acute Incident: Scarring the Moonman.

Reword this because it's not very clear.

[Silence. RPC-922 continues writing. CSD-0221 is brought to D’lor’s side.]

missing bold

The large graben over the equator collapsed firdt first.

RPC-922 has become increasingly nonanti-social.

They maintain the altitude due to silver shackles chaining their arms to the moon.

This is written poorly compared to V.1 honestly just rewrite this whole section. Like,

RPC-922-H shows signs of distress during the day. RPC-XXX becomes active and shows signs of distress during the day.

you lied about this being a quasi-tale

Pacing could be better.

yeah that's it

The lamps within RPC-922 must be alight at all times

This is a pretty important piece of information to be at the end of the containment protocols. I'd recommend rearranging the entire section for clarity. try starting with the location, then list the requirements for keeping the anomaly contained, and finally elaborate on the living conditions and extraneous duties of the CSD.

RPC-922 is Housing Unit .C922;

you just said that's where it was held. consider editing the conprots, you can just say "RPC-XXX is located on the outskirts of Site-052."

a facility that was previously used to capture RPC-922-O.

You generally do not want to use a designation too often until you are ready to fully introduce it. if the lights cause hallucinations in the CSDs and -O, you can lump them all together as the general inhabitants.

During the day, light within RPC-922 will cause a shared hallucination on the inhabiting CSD personnel and RPC-XXX-O.

this is also something you don't want to bring up until you're ready to explain it. if you don't want to give everything away yet, give a simplified description. or don't mention it until you're done describing the anomaly physically.

RPC-922-O shackles are extremely heavy. As a result, the entity’s arms are anchored to the floor of RPC-922.

give a more specific weight or just say the entity's hands are anchored to the floor. also, are the shackles welded to the floor? if not, what is the range of motion?

Location: N/A
Date of Occurrence: N/A
EOI involved: N/A
Observed by: Unknown total.

if I worked for the Authority and someone sent me this report I'd tell them to clean out their desk.
this is one of those cases where you can ignore the formalities and just describe the phenomenon. it's an abridged description of something that presumably has its own complete file. people will buy it. I'll buy it, at the very least.

Eventually, the idea that an entity was causing the incident gained traction within the Bureau of Acquisition

why

Due to RPC-922-O’s history of evading capture and clear observation, it is assumed the entity is capable of extremely agile movement. Separating RPC-922-O from the CSD personnel in RPC-922 is a difficult task for this reason.

don't the shackles weigh it down?

13/02/2022: The wilting plants inside HU.C922 are removed.

I like this. this is a good moment. not a great one, but a good one.

Log:

put this section within quotes

Myth pertains that they are stiff during the day, but become elastic at night, much like the situation of the Gi’eif slaves.

this is easily the best part of the article so far. in fact it's too good. what should be a recontextualization of seemingly random details from earlier instead becomes the point where I finally understand what the anomaly is doing. mostly. jury's still out on those hallucinations. but I digress. this is good.

VidiCap Briefing:

I'm just going to skip this entire section because it's dependent on context from another work that doesn't exist yet. get that posted before you even think about using it here. and don't force it. if VidiCap isn't working out, it's better to let it die.

alright, moving onto V2. I thought V1 had a solid and complete story buried somewhere deep within it, so this is going to have to be really good to justify its existence.

Keywords: skymen skypeople ufo unidentified-flying-object hanging-in-the-sky hanging-from-the-moon idle-aliens flying-aliens

nice foreshadowing

RPC-922-H is a collection of sleeping individuals suspended in the exosphere due to silver shackles extending from the lunar surface.

this is an excellent opening line. immediately striking, clear image, unique, I'm already hooked.
oh, it's over? i guess it's not finished.

The description does a poor job of actually describing the anomaly. You get one paragraph of superficial visual description — including the detail of its shackles, which is absurd to include, as it was the Authority's own doing — then a hearsay report of what people used to think the anomaly might have "caused", devoid of context as to how or why.

The article isn't written from a lucid research or containment perspective, and it tells me very little about the anomaly that should be central to the document. There are no stakes to understand; I don't know why I should care if the anomaly is contained, or how that's even achieved. Later on, the scene where the anomaly gets contained is so offhanded that I missed it on my first read.

After sunrise, RPC-922-H enters a hysteric state similar to the symptoms of oneirosome withdrawal.

Which entails..? Yes, I did read the towering footnote of exposition — which I shouldn't have to do to figure out why this is threatening — and the best it offered was "dependence manifesting in the form of waking nightmares". It's missing the details that would make things interesting. I take it the cold open was supposed to create this missing suspense, but it's a non-event ("something was going to happen but didn't") that's only superficially relevant until the latter half of the article and is basically dead weight even after (do we really need this report to tell us what happens in the article anyway?).

The article only begins to pick up around the history segment. I'm sorry, the xepimethology segment. (Stop inventing new words to sound cool, especially if doing so requires another paragraph-long footnote.) It is another explanatory wall of text that could use cleaning, but it's here that I began to pick up the important elements of the story, with the themes of labor and class divide. The scenario is both relatable and classically fantastical; the spiritual system reflecting the realities of a population's lifestyle is religious "worldbuilding" done right. Something special shines through here, and it turned out to be the part I enjoyed the most.

Ultimately, I think the initial failure to launch haunts the article and sabotages the drama it's going for in the end. I barely knew who I was rooting for, let alone why. Like, okay, I get the "Birth of The Second Sun" and whatnot, but it doesn't hold the same cultural significance to me as it did to the slaves in the sadistic Egyptian labor camp from 2000 years ago that doesn't exist anymore. What is Ra even after now? It fails to come off as a compelling anomalous apocalyptic threat.

The formatting is somewhat ugly (those collapsibles are sad). The dual document structure crams the entire article into a tabview (I wouldn't blame a reader for forgetting to scroll up and click the tiny "V.2" button to finish the article), and its use is questionable to begin with; the second document doesn't render the previous document obsolete, and in fact has far less relevant information. Meanwhile, the footnotes are a celestial body of their own, floating randomly in space.

comfortability

comfort

The correlation was dismissed. This is now understood to have been a mistake.

This is a really cheap attempt at drama that is gratuitously spelled out and then instantly nullified anyway.

the mention of nightmares and oneiric paranormalities mentioned on the world wide web.

Redundancy with "mention". "World Wide Web" is usually a proper noun.

Lunar luminosity had continued to increase, in conjunction with

"Lunar luminosity" sounds repetitive.

The exacerbation of the phenomena incited

You were talking about this in the previous sentence; just say "This incited […]".

a 15 earth days later

The article is awkward and you can capitalize "Earth".

Distortions are due to brightness which the model was not designed for.

The model was not designed for brightness? How about "[…] levels of brightness that […]".

A large ravine emitting yellow light was spreading roughly 20 km along the equator of the moon's far side.

"Had spread" would fit the tense of the rest of this segment.

Personnel reported sleepless nights due to constant nightmares, which hindered preliminary efforts.

Efforts to prevent the nightmares were hindered by the presence of nightmares, you say?

Let this serve as a reminder that the fine line between causation and correlation is the skeptic’s wall, but our tightrope.

People don't talk like this.

Aftermath: A changed geological profile of the moon’s far side consisting of vast lines in place of the closed ravines.

This statement is weakened and hard to parse from the choice to render it as a sentence fragment.

The incident was subsequently designated in relation to these scars.

Pointless obvious information.

Webcrawlers are to suppress content regarding the brightness of the moon.

This is silly.

Strix Hadorami, or the desert owl

I'm begging you to write scientific names correctly. (Also, putting "desert owl" in a footnote would aid the flow of the sentence.)

contrasted with the body of a typical human male

"Contrast" comes from a wrongly artistic viewpoint, especially against this otherwise clinical sentence. I also don't know what makes a human male "typical".

The entity is dressed in a light blue buttoned shirt tucked into black pants. Chaining the arms together at the wrists are tarnished silver shackles.

The clothes are superficial to the description, and the chains are especially irrelevant, since I take it they're the Authority's doing.

Description: A nocturnal phenomenon

This redundant "Description:" label is rather laughable. "Say the line, Bart!"

popularly dubbed as “Sleep Stalker Syndrome”

Popularly dubbed by whom? Why do I care?

Documents from the early Auctoritas describe proposed containment efforts as futile.

Such as..?

The availability of international communication at the advent of the 21st century allowed the phenomenon to pose a larger threat to the veil

This strikes me as a flimsy justification.

HU.C922 is equipped with motion sensors and is capable

Trim the unnecessary extra "is".

by the 24 hour surveillance

Also redundant.

the engineering component

It's preferable to capitalize "Engineering Component".

following the design of Dr. Lyncon D'lor

This comes with the comical alternate interpretation that it was, like, modeled after his face or something.

in the room, and supplied necessities with certain requested items through a double hatch delivery system.

The comma is unnecessary. "With certain requested items" is clinging onto this sentence like a tumor and should be more properly incorporated.

It was deemed that HU.C922 is to be left unguarded and unlocked at night to minimize the risk of dissuading the entity from approach.

"It was deemed that" and "minimize the risk of dissuading" are both weird.

to assist MTFs

MSTs

over-use

overuse

The following is documented changes

Bizarre juxtaposition of pluralization.

Launch of project Khonshu's Digipack

Missing punctuation. Well, this is a sentence fragment, but why?

Also, you have it written here as "project Khonshu's Digipack", while elsewhere it's "Project: Khonshu's Digipack". Really, it should be "Project Khonshu's Digipack".

It was deemed that entertainment and social interaction were crucial to not counteract the effects of oneirosome

"Not counteract" is a double negative.

CSD-0221 begins sharing concerns regarding hallucinations. The conditions are expected.

Like what?

10ml

Other instances of abbreviated units in this article have spaces (e.g. "20 km", "10 ml")

Dr. D'lor is told by the Site Director that Project: Khonshu's Digipak has until the end of the year before it is shut down.

This is irrelevant to the "changes regarding CSD-0221".

no matter frequency of requests

Missing article.

RPC-922-H1-5 refers to

You can't really pull off a hyphenated range with a kind of designation that's already characterized by its use of hyphens.

RPC-922-H have not been delivered sustenance since the lockdown of HU.C922, and appear to have lost the need.

Awkward. In particular, the detail that they haven't been delivered food is secondary and irrelevant. What this should say is simply that they have no need for sustenance.

while altering between the two states

"Altering" doesn't work like this. It reads like a failed thesaurusization of "changing". How about "switching"?

seemingly dependent on the subject’s age

How so? With five data points, I also find that questionable.

unable or unwilling to communicate verbally or literary

Should be "literarily" or "through writing", but the detail after "communicate" is superfluous anyway. This sentence also lacks an important qualifier, as the point of the sentence is that they can communicate in specific circumstances, but this clause would leave one to believe they never do.

From where comes the light?

You could try asking this question like a human.

My eyes bu-

What happened? How did she get cut off?

a letter was dropped to Dr. D’lor by carrier pigeon. The bird immediately escaped upon delivery, and the sender has not been located.

I'd like to know where he was when this happened.

The contents were transcribed into a digital form cleared for viewing and attached below.

Obvious and unnecessary, except arguably for "the contents are attached below."

RPC-922 is similar to a divine figure originating from northern Egypt, west of the Canopic branch of the Nile river. More specifically, the village of Kom Gi’eif, a modern day archeological site.

The target of "more specifically" is clouded with ambiguity.

corner pillars holding up a donut-shaped platform above

Using a donut as a reference kinda kills the mood, you know? You could say "ring" or "torus"…

Stories from for example a canopic jar

Missing punctuation.

Certain sources explain how the sun would in today's terms be described as a sadistic force

Missing punctuation, but the addition of "in today's terms" is pretty ridiculous anyway.

Further study uncovered traces of habitation 3 miles northwest from the archeological site, buried underground.

A little curious how they actually discovered this.

It is unknown whether the original owners were literate, as such ability has been universally uncommon among slaves.

"Universally uncommon among slaves" is pretty self-explanatory; maybe "as such ability would've been uncommon among the Gi’eif labourers".

South of Kom Gi’eif xepimethologists uncovered

A comma would help here.

in what appears to be a complex pattern

Is it or is it not? It seems strange to cast some doubt but not fully.

mirrors, however the intention

Misuse of "however".

ARID notes two things inside the cage, one being bird feathers, and the other scrambled inscriptions on the ground.

Besides the sketchy "one being" transition, if the inscriptions are "inside the cage" then they'd be better described as "on the floor".

of Pharaoh's
the Pharaoh’s

Randomly capitalized and possessive?

BOOK begins vocalizing a low tone, it echoes throughout the auditorium as it is amplified.

Comma splice. (Change "it" to "which"?)

The light from the holes begins shifting, and localize on BOOK.

Plurality mismatch: "the light localize".

the team is back in the desert, however half naked.

Awkward use of "however".

I can not fight

cannot

white light glare

"Light" is redundant.

something besides it

Change "besides" to "beside" and add a period to this sentence.

He shakes his head briefly

Missing period.

“But, you were alone. No one can do it alone.

Missing quotation mark.

enters some inputs

Redundant.

hoovers over the main lock-down control button, before slowly

"hovers" and "lockdown". The comma here is unnecessary.

New RPC-922-H instances must be identified and have cover stories fabricated.

"instances must […] have cover stories fabricated" is weird. Also, it's vague. How do you identify them? Cover stories for what? (This sentence in the conprots the only time it's explicitly stated that new people are being added to 922-H, by the way, which is kind of… SCP Series 1 strange.)

RPC-922-H, and are

Unnecessary comma.

Incident Log can be found in the OIRS incident database behind level 4 clearance.

This footnote is pointless.

Such as shaking, kicking and otherwise struggling with the shackles.

Sentence fragment that should be merged with the previous sentence. "Otherwise struggling" is comically informal, and this fragment overall does a poor job communicating its intent.