RPC-132 Criticism
Authority agents must engage and terminate the RPC-132-1 on sight, and incinerate the corpse.
- the should be removed from the sentence as it doesn't fit, nor sound correctly.
Any non-Authority witnesses to any instance of RPC-132-1 are to be detained at Site 14 until amnestics can be administered and a suitable cover story implanted, if necessary.
- I am seeing are to be detained, and if necessary in the sentence. So, are you referring to the detainment and amnestics being necessary? Or, are you referring to amnestics being used necessary?
- The first few words doesn't sound right, so I'd recommend this:
Recommendation: Any individuals witnessing to any instance of RPC-132-1 are to be detained at Site-14 […]
Originally conceived by Dr. S███████
- I really don't know why the S is left out, despite the rest of the name being redacted with the black bar. I really don't see why it's left out since nobody is gonna figure out what the rest of the letters are.
- Side note: I am noticing some paragraphs not being spaced out, and are just being stuck together.
One frame RPC-132 is not present then the very next frame it is.
- I see where you're going at, but I'd recommend going for this;
Recommendation: In a security footage of a CCTV, RPC-132 isn't observed to be present within a few frames until the next frame appears to show RPC-132 being present.
Upon ingestion, subjects (henceforth Stage 1 RPC-132-1s) will exhibit no abnormal properties or behaviour for the first 24 hours.
- You could've at least just used RPC-132-1 or RPC-132-2 instead of going something like Stage 1 RPC-132-1s.
All attempts to communicate with human Stage 3 RPC-132-1’s have ended in failure. Either they do not understand, or they ignore the attempts to communicate.
- I'd recommend using this;
Recommendation: All attempts to communicate with RPC-132-1 that have entered Stage 3 have been unsuccessful, as this is due to their ability to communicate either being erased or RPC-132-1 instances have chose to ignore communications.
How RPC-132 affects behaviours of Stage 2 and Stage 3 RPC-132-1s is unknown. How Stage 3 RPC-132-1s gain their increased physical abilities is also unknown.
- I don't like how this sentence is structured. It literally is just the same sentence, but you just changed the words of it. I'd recommend this;
Recommendation: It's currently unknown to as how RPC-132 manifests the behavior, and increased physical abilities of RPC-132-1.
[DATA EXPUNGED] can be heard in the background before the transmission is abruptly cut 8 seconds later.
- This sentence is just- ugh, bothers me. When you're using DATA EXPUNGED on a sentence. You should not be continuing that sentence with any additional information. Once you put that aforementioned word, you just end it with a full stop period, and continue on with your article.
- [DATA RESTRICTED TO LEVEL 5 STAFF ONLY] -
- Uh, this doesn't really help. What is the point of redacting this part out when they were sending a morse code that could've probably helped gain more additional information regarding the instances of RPC-132-1. Was it something they stumbled upon that was too sensitive for non-Level 5 personnel to handle? … Or maybe, just maybe, you were lazy to add on what was supposed to be in it, and slapped a DATA RESTRICTION onto it.
Conclusion: The idea sounds interesting, but the way you implemented it into writing was just a bit of a mess. I am noticing sentences that doesn't really add up, or has some grammar issues. I'd advise you heavily look back on somethings, and maybe revise some parts of it. I am voting neutral on this one.
- OperationalWolf
"Curiosity Always Defines Reasoning"