+1 Much better after edits.
genuinely scared that i'm going to get gangraped by a hive of barney costumes
5/5
This is fucking amazing.
However, I don't think that's the normal "Addendum" format. The normal Addendum is:
Addendum 689.1
Some fucking text.
Addendum 689.2
On ██/██/17, the 2354th subject(designated POI 689-2354) was retrieved with a flyer, which was thrown towards her by the crowd within RPC-689-1. POI 689-2354 was 3 months pregnant at the time and was suffering from Arthritis, a disease that affects joint movement.
The following was translated from Simplified Chinese to English by Dr. Cheng.
[NAME REDACTED] must be condemned! [NAME REDACTED] has disgraced our mighty Priority Seat by sitting without meeting any of the criteria! Is she old? No! Is she pregnant? No! Is she carrying a baby? No! Is she injured? No!
[NAME REDACTED] has clearly shown a lack of respect for the elderly, pregnant women, or the disabled! We must castigate her for a thousand years!
[NAME REDACTED] not only lacked any respect for the aforementioned groups, she is also a lying (bad woman)! She claimed that she was pregnant and that she was suffering from "Arthritis"! Lies! We can’t possibly be wrong! Is her belly swelled? Does she have (bandages/plasters) on her legs? No! She was clearly lying and deserves to have her lying mouth fed to pigs and dogs!
People! [NAME REDACTED] has constantly lied and has shown serious selfishness! She will be adjudged by the masses for the next millennia! Her unwillingness to repent for her numerous lies have only caused her to be sunken into damnation for generations to come! This lying bitch is not pregnant, nor injured! We must criticize her until she (starts to smell)!
Protect the Priority Seat with our blood and strength! Long live the Priority Seat! May the Priority Seat punish those who are unworthy of sitting!
Down with [NAME REDACTED]!
POI 689-2354 was subsequently amnestied without incident. The flyer was determined to be non-anomalous after testing and was placed in Locker 305 of Site-038.
Definitely worthy of a 5. But I highly suggest reformatting the Addendums.
A species of predatory beast that has evolved to vaguely resembles "Barney" in an attempt to lower the guard of its prey. I enjoyed this way more than I should have. I think it's a solid article. Manages to be funny and eerie all in one. +5 Amigo.
This is a really neat article, but here’s some critique.
“…after reported sightings of strange people in creepy Barney costumes stalking children…” The “strange people in creepy Barney costumes” part sounds a little wishy-washy, i suggest you put that segment in quotation marks so it sounds like a report of some civilian.
Other than that, bravo. 5/5