Well written and executed RPC. I especially love that infrared image you've got for it, don't see many moving images for RPC's. Overall I feel it's well done, the anomaly is detrimental and has appropriate containment procedures to keep it away from local populations. +1
99% of my review is going to be grammar. I really enjoyed this article. The containment protocols make sense and the anomaly itself is satisfyingly explored in the interviews. +1
"Audio-seal exterior containment walls around RPC-301 within a 1km perimeter to prevent external stimuli responses of sound."
I dont think this makes sense. Maybe "RPC-301's containmet area must be enclosed by double sided sound proof walls." Also to what db level should they be sound proofed up to(nit picking).
"Research personnel are required to wear noise-cancelling headphones to protect themselves from the containment process should they enter the area. "
The last part of the sentence is not needed IMO. Ending it after 'headphones' it would do fine.
"Backup generators are put in place in the event of a power-outage to ensure RPC-301's containment."
Could be "Secondary generators are to remain on stand by to ensure continued containment in the event of a power failure." This sounds more official to me.
"These stations include speakers that must keep a constant level of 200 dbs every hour for RPC-301 to gravitate between each speaker during their activation intervals." I don't think this is in the right place. Putting this right after "controlled outdoor environment." would make better sense.
"Should RPC-301 ever breach containment" could be made more official by saying "In the event of a containment breach."
"Site-15 are to launch a fighter jet bearing a speaker, broadcasting at 200+ dbs to draw RPC-301 away from any populated regions." Site-15 is to deploy a fighter jet equipped with a speaker broadcasting at…
Another nit pick, but what frequency are the speakers blasting at 200db?
"while not entirely visible to naked eye" to the naked eye. Also if you need IR to see it wouldn't it be totally invisible to the naked eye, aside from it's atmospheric distortions. "Although not directly visible to the naked eye, RPC-301 visibly distorts the atmosphere around it. It can be seen directly through the use of infared imaging."
"as evident in the recovery operation" should be "as evidenced by the recovery operation"
"Hawking radiation, that will distort" no comma, also replacing "that" with "which" would sound better.
"the region and individuals affected by RPC-301." getting close to run-on territory here. Maybe end this sentence after "region"
"transfer the vibrations." left this sentence open. "transfer the virations to the auditory nerve." would be more correct.
I think all movement could be classed as vibrations. IMO instead of cancelling all vibrations, just have it lower the fequency by a ton. So people can still move, they just cant hear or speak.
I think the recovery section should be in an addendum.
"RPC-301 was recovered ██/██/2009 from [REDACTED], Arizona following a localized societal breakdown five days prior that has since been attributed to RPC-301's occupation of the region." This is a bit too long. "RPC-301 was recovered on ██/██/2009 from [REDACTED], Arizona following a localized societal breakdown. The anomaly was uncontained for five days prior to Authority intervention."
"during the events." Singular 'event' or 'engagement' since they were fighting the anomaly.
"the premises," Premises of what? "Area" would be a better choice.
"contained 4.5 hours following the initial incident." This is gramatically sound, but I don't usually hear "following" after hours/time. Prbly just me, but making "following" into "after" would help it's understandabiltiy IMO.
In the interview logs you could replace the interviewee's name with "subject" to get rid of some of those unsightly black boxes. Just put "████████, hereafter reffered to as "subject." into the foreword.
"cannot speak nor emit any auditory responses from his person." Is a little too verbose. Remove the part after "nor" to make it less redundant. Also "from his person" is redundant since we already know that he is what we are reffering to. Another nit pick: Auditory reffers to hearing. Sonic would be a better word for what a voice would emmit.
"been installed with computers with direct instant messaging" One too many "with"s here. "been equipped with compters to facilitate text based communication." is better IMO.
"signs of visual distress" is also too verbose. "visual" is redundant.
"Given the events that had transpired this morning" doesn't sound like something a person would say. "Given the events of this morning." would sound better/more human.
"the accident occurred" sounds too inhuman for some guy off the streets to say. "after the accident" would be better/more human.
"rom the making mid-summer sun." I think you mean "baking" summer sun.
"We just found out that I couldn't hear my own voice, or anyone else's." I just found out.
"s this deep, low-tone rumbling ringing" one too many adjectives.
"Visibly shows distress and anger at Dr. Apth" Visibly is redundant since he shows signs. Also anger would imply distress so you can remove "distress."
"it's like what my uncle described during his accident on the ISS" I find it very hard to believe that his uncle went to space. Also his uncle wouldn't experience total silence since his heart was still beating and he was breathing.
The people interviewed just seem to be talking too officially.
Thanks for the extensive feedback! I made sure to cover through all the grammar issues and inconsistent typos (and other issues) that were addressed. Normally I don't tend to make these kind of mistakes but I often stay up as late as 2 AM working on these. (not good. I know.) I am glad to keep the article consistent with the anomaly itself and its containment.
That image is a cherry on top, love this article! +1 for you
301 is great, except for some minor flow issues. There are some sentences that just end when they could be fused with others. There's also a few spots of odd sounding word placement like,"These stations include speakers that must keep a constant level of 200 dbs" which could be changed to something like, "The stations must maintain a constant 200 dbs emission rate", or something similar.
This is a retrospect for an earlier version, I see that much of the grammar that was wrong has been fixed. And I do love this concept.
I gave this a +0 before for the lack of grammar correction at the time and the harm that did to it's readability.
Now I'm giving it a +1 for those negatives being fixed.
This RPC is well written with a solid concept. However I'm confused why you tagged it as an XK-class. Unless I am just dense, the usual implications of a XK-class is some end scenario through a religious event or activation of a religious item. So really I am asking two things:
a.) are you proposing a new definition for a XK-class scenario?
b.) if not, what connects this article to the traditional understanding of a XK-class scenario?
Honestly, I'm curious about a new definition for XK-scenarios as well. I'll have to ask about.
I wanted to like this because there are a lot of cool concepts, but the way it's explored never fully worked for me.
Dialogue switches abruptly from direct and casual ("Everything sucks now") to absurdly poetic ("To hear the sound of another person, their laughter, their stories, everything") with little prompting. That kind of philosophical writing comes off unnatural and rehearsed. Meanwhile, it seems like it's trying to provide relief in comedic lines, but they feel jarring and out of place. This is a shame, because some of the more physical moments (e.g. the end of the second log) hit the note perfectly.
Speaking of physicality, the typed interviews play out identically to verbal exchanges, barring a few moments where the story remembers they're on a keyboard. Every character types in the exact same way, and most of the time it's flawless English with proper capitalization and punctuation. Using a different format can be rewarding, especially when the traditional interview log is so played out, but this article hardly tries.
The localized breakdown of society is a fascinating part of the story that isn't explored as much as it could've been. Vivid accounts are better than an interview with one guy who happens to have all the answers. I know I'm beginning to repeat myself now, but the article seriously jumps the gun on making philosophical conclusions about "the emptiness"; the reader only found out about the situation a few paragraphs ago.
Overall, it's a novel concept that could've been executed better but still has some smart bits. 3/5
(Argh, I'm tired of rating every old article 3/5! Why are they all middle-of-the-road to me in some way?)