RPC Authority

Object Class: Alpha-purple Alpha-Purple

RPC-XXX is currently contained at OL-Site-XXX, which is disguised as an oil drilling platform owned by the front company "Schopenhauer & Schmidt".

There is a 20km exclusion zone extending from the containment zone where trespassing civilians are to first be warned and subject to minor amnesticization by patrolling officers, with termination allowed if deemed necessary. this sentence reads really awkwardly, i suggest rewording to something along the lines of:

A 20km exclusion zone extends from RPC-XXX's location; civilians are to be barred from entry and trespassers amnesticized by patrolling officers. Termination is only permitted when absolutely necessary.

RPC-XXX is a shrine depicting the Buddha (the guy is properly referred to as THE buddha, not just buddha) made of a glassy deep blue and highly radioactive stone, now termed as "Jhanite", 44.5km off the coast of Digha, India, 14 meters deep, nestled in an underwater cliff-side cave, also made of jhanite. again, the wording and structure of this sentence is awkward. i suggest describing the buddha shrine and its location first, then explaining how it's made of jhanite and what that entails. something along the lines of:

RPC-XXX is a shrine depicting the Buddha, located 14 meters underwater in a cliff-side cave 44.5km off the coast of Digha, India. Both the shrine and the cave are made entirely out of a newly discovered stone, now named "jhanite". Said stone is a deep, glassy blue in appearance, and is highly radioactive.

Unlike other radioactive stones, jhanite only becomes radioactive when wet, and becomes safe to handle when dried. Also, unlike other radioactive materials, In addition, radiation emitted by jhanite can pass through water unhindered <— add comma while being blocked impeded by air.

The surrounding area area surrounding the cave is barren and littered with jhanite stones, though some sparse coral reefs and vegetation due to the lethal radiation coming of off RPC-XXX. really weird clunky part which should be moved into its own sentence. something like:

Coral and aquatic vegetation is sparse due to the high amounts of radiation.

The cave housing RPC-XXX is home to a species of extremophilic and bioluminescent coral which displays a vibrant color pattern <— add comma as well as in addition to Buddhist-themed (buddhist is already an adjective describing things relating to buddhism, you don't need to add "themed") jewelry and several human corpses.

The bodies are preserved completely extremely well-preserved.

It is to be noted that this radiation would spread and pose an active environmental risk if not for Authority intervention, due to RPC-XXX replacing indigenous stones and sediments with various forms of jhanite. Lead barriers and constant cleanup efforts keep the amount of jhanite manifestations manageable. again, awkward sentences. the jhanite transformation effect comes out of the blue here due to the wording. change to something like:

It is to be noted that this radiation would spread and pose an active environmental risk if not for Authority intervention, due to an additional anomalous property of RPC-XXX. The object demonstrates a transformative effect on surrounding indigenous rock and sediment, causing it to be converted into jhanite. The resultant jhanite retains the same anomalous effect.

Since its assumed activation or creation, the jhanite manifested by RPC-XXX has spread by 7 kilometers. Currently, the radiation only. what?

Humans who expire within RPC-XXX's area of effect will be surrounded in a blue flash of light.The remains will reappear in the cave's roof in a state of stasis. i don't understand what this is supposed to mean. do they appear inside the cave's roof? like, within the stone itself? please be more specific

If any organism makes contact with RPC-XXX or attempts to remove one of the artefacts or corpses from their location, they will be transported to an unknown aquatic unidentified, massive underwater cave made up mostly of jhanite. (i mean since it's described to house the ruins of an entire city it's gotta be massive)

The cave houses the ruins of a city with architecture mostly resembling ancient Indian buildings, most carved out of jhanite and decorated with pillars and reliefs depicting humans living with various forms of aquatic life from whales to giant shrimp and the goddess Maṇīmekhalā. weird long and clunky sentence, you can also get rid of footnote 2 and put it into the paragraph itself. reword to something like:

The cave houses the ruins of a city with architecture mostly resembling that of ancient India, specifically the Maurya Empire. The majority of these buildings are carved out of jhanite, and are decorated with pillars and reliefs depicting humans living with various forms of marine life, such as whales and what appear to be unnaturally large shrimp. Notably, some reliefs depict what is confirmed to be the goddess Maṇīmekhalā.

The cave is bright as it is filled with bioluminescent vegetation and coral. The city resembles one of ancient Indians, some buildings being built off massive coral reefs. Some buildings appear to be built upon massive coral reefs.

In the center of the city, is a four sided structure resembling RPC-XXX facing each cardinal direction, referred to as RPC-XXX-A, estimated to be 326 meters tall and 128 meters wide, and carved through its base is a large temple in honor of Maṇīmekhalā. reword to something like:

In the center of the city is a huge structure resembling four instances of RPC-XXX facing each cardinal direction. Designated RPC-XXX-A, this structure is estimated to have a height of 326 meters and a width of 128 meters. Carved through the base of RPC-XXX-A is a large temple in honor of Maṇīmekhalā.

The alpha radiation levels within this cave only reach 9.2 Sv/h, though more pressing is that due to unique properties of the water in RPC-XXX's pocket dimension reacting with the jhanite, (i don't think you ever established that this was actually a pocket dimension, so this kinda comes out of nowhere) the neutron radiation levels reach 343 Sv/h, making exploration and documentation of the cave dangerous. Within the temple there is no radiation to be found. Radiation does not seem to be present within the temple carved into RPC-XXX-A.

Bodies found within this pocket dimension are suspended above the ground, all having a calm expression. The cadavers found within the temple however are decayed unlike those outside. the way this is worded makes it read like the fact that there are tons of bodies in this place was already established? i suggest rewording to:

Within RPC-XXX's pocket dimension are a large number of bodies[[footnote]] An estimated 267 in total.[[/footnote]] suspended in the water, all with seemingly calm expressions. A much fewer number of bodies have been found inside the temple[[footnote]] 12 in total.[[/footnote]], which are decayed unlike those outside.

It is unknown if it's possible to leave as when tracking devices are used to track personnel who are teleported by RPC-XXX's anomalous effect they appear to still be in the cave to Authority sensors, and there has been no exit found yet. This implies the cavern is off world or in a pocket dimension. weird tone and wording again. you can also remove footnote 6. reword to:

It is unknown if leaving this cave is a possibility. Personnel teleported by RPC-XXX's anomalous effect have been unable to locate an exit, and tracking devices have shown them to remain within the original cave. Video and audio broadcasts from the second cave appear to continue functioning adequately. It is theorized that this cave is located either off-world or in another dimension.

Using modified UUVs to explore and record RPC-XXX's pocket dimension, researchers has have been able to put together a history of the city from ancient carvings on the walls, all written in ancient Pali. (pali is an ancient language, you don't need to say it's ancient.)

Most of these inscriptions describe the daily life of those who lived in the city, named "Diviya Ābhā", before it was flooded. There were new citizens arriving to Diviya Ābhā every month they were still safe. reword to:

Most of these inscriptions describe the daily lives of those who lived in the city, which was named "Diviya Ābhā." New citizens were apparently arriving in Diviya Ābhā every month during its time.

According to recovered texts, RPC-XXX-A was once responsible for keeping the water, <— remove comma that once surrounded the city, <— remove comma from flooding entering. In the temple there is a calendar that shows no specific date, acting more as a countdown to an event taking place on the 15th of Vesākha. putting footnote 9 right at the end breaks the flow of the article and makes the ending clunky. you can get rid of it.

hmm. don't quite know what to feel about this article. first off, let me tell you what i liked.

• this is something i don't see too often in articles, so i have to give you props for it: the image you used is a really great hook for the piece, and got me immediately interested. very good tone-setter.
• i really love the usage of buddhism in this. it got me to look up stuff in buddhist mythology, and i read about stuff i hadn't known before.
• fantastic imagery in this, especially the idea of a bunch of bodies floating in an underwater city. cool shit
• this article is simple in structure, yet pretty detailed. it doesn't need a bunch of exploration logs, it gets in and gets out, but still manages to tell a compelling and atmospheric story with all the mythology it talks about.

for what i didn't like:

• the grammar and wording are just all over the place. lots of bits of weird tone, some parts left me confused and had me rereading them a few times until i was sure i understood. my advice is to try reading stuff out loud to make sure it flows right.
• the discovery doesn't really add anything to the article, and can be outright removed. it doesn't give us any revelations about the anomaly, how it was created, or the mythology behind it. it's just a bland chunk of text that tells us some divers went missing and so the authority investigated and found the anomaly. not every article absolutely needs a discovery section.
• there's a couple bits where the article gets a little tell-don't-show. if we can glean from the person keeping water out of the city that the place eventually flooded, we don't need to be told outright a couple sentences earlier that these inscriptions are from before the city flooded. with these kinds of articles it's much more satisfying for a reader to realize what's going on by themselves instead of just being told outright. i'm also not a fan of how the second cave keeps getting described as a pocket dimension before we even get to the part about it possibly being a pocket dimension. if you are gonna reveal information, let it come up naturally instead of in that clunky way.

all in all this article definitely isn't perfect, but it is really REALLY promising. it's really great to see you writing stuff for the site either way. keep working on it :]

This reminds me of RPC-852 if I enjoyed reading it. It's similar in the general structure and the added cautionary tale about man's hubris, but it's a lot more focused and interesting. I really don't want a slime mold all over my body, making abstract future predictions or not. It evokes feelings I've had with actual infections, and I commend that. I especially appreciate how the subjects choosing to hide their symptoms is part of the conflict and how their concurrent life circumstances are touched upon; sometimes you have other stuff going on and just want to forget about mysterious bodily symptoms. It adds a human element to the story.

I'm not as fond of the rest. The discovery log (say it with me now!) doesn't add much. The banana stuff is a cute tangent that contributes to the narrative theme, but the rest is throwaway. Meanwhile, the outbreak kicks off with an enjoyable "oh-shit" factor, but its second half doesn't do it for me either. The smartass "re-mi" tube, which I did like, already exhibits the fungus's acclimation to human culture better than anything that follows. The whole weight of the story shifts to the fungus, and for me, it fails to carry it alone.

Regardless, the idea is reasonably complete, and I wouldn't hold you up from posting it or demand severe last-minute changes. It's fine. It's good idea that was sufficiently milked.

Present epidemiological measures are centered around the detection and detention of human carriers of RPC-204 within the community of Ariel, with the major exception of the direct containment of the city's former cemetery, which has become an exclusion zone necessitating some apparent presence of Authority assets.

This sentence is long and somewhat poorly structured; the cemetery protocol isn't an "exception" to the first statement, it's a completely separate process. Replace "with the major exception of" with a sentence break.

visually apparent symptoms

This phrase is moderately confusing at first, since "visually apparent" could refer to the creation of physical images or of hallucinations. To be fair, it kind of is both, but on its own this sentence doesn't sound mutually inclusive.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

This choice of horizontal rule is strangely mismatched with the normal ones used at the top of the page.

##3e6aa3|**(see: Site-228, Wing F >> Archives >> Decommissionings >> 2005-2010 >> RPC-256-ARC rev. 178)**##
##3e6aa3|**(see: Archived Proposal Filing for LO-448 & the attached Report Regarding Banana-Based Future Sight Rituals)**##

You can use var(—primary-text-color) instead of 3e6aa3 for proper white theme support, though in these two cases the difference is minimal.

repeatedly collected rumors

This is nonspecific and crude.

Its anomalous qualities were quickly discovered to have crossed over and greatly magnified, exceeding the requirements for designation as an RPC item.

I find the suggestion that the fortune-telling banana peel disease was insufficient for the designation beforehand laughable. See the Lesser Anomalies introduction: "These items are always Alpha in classification [e.g. do not spread] and frequently mundane in nature [e.g. lack research value]."

provoked by sudden underground "bursts"

Scare quotes possibly unnecessary.

seemingly being already present prior to the collapse.

Awkward wording. I'd say "seemingly having formed prior".

long, tubular, threaded tube

Tubular tubes? Tubular.

Humanoid figures are common across structures, and appear to be placed deliberately in opposition to depictions of human deceased, which demonstrates an artistic consistency to the growths in the former cemetery. While the latter keep human proportions and are represented as still, the former are extremely thin, sometimes skeletal, and sometimes depicted as in movement or posing to observe other structures.

The intended subjects of "latter" and "former" are incredibly hard to parse.

I don't have much negative to say, this is a pretty creatively disturbing article. The fungi statues and the fungal bone growths coming out of the woman's leg made for some nasty and unsettling visualizations.

Thermic has already voiced most of the issues I might have with the article, but I think it would help if you elaborated on the nature of the relationship between the Authority and this town. From what I gather, the town is aware of the Authority's presence. You mention an effort to stop knowledge of the town's strange going-ons, but I think you could elaborate on how the Authority is attempting that. A little mention of web-crawlers or a specialized MST would go a long way.

I think it would strengthen the article if you combined the first two collapsible sections by putting them into a table, I don't know if that would work with the CSS you have but it would flow better IMO.

With that being said, this might have my vote for the contest. We'll have to see how the other entries pan out. May the best article win!

ERROR: Your hazard box says Gamma Purple, but the icon is Gamma White.

AET "BLUE" has received state authorization to conduct geological studies beneath and around Ariel with the purpose of determining whether the current state of the cemetery exclusion zone threatens the stability of Ariel, and if so, what consequences might follow from a secondary collapse.

Suggestion: This sentence feels very run-on, I feel the information would be better delivered in multiple short sentences:

AET "Blue" has received state authorization to conduct geological studies beneath and around Ariel. The purpose of these studies is to determine whether the current state of the cemetery exclusion zone threatens local stability and any potential consequences that may follow from a secondary collapse.

Long-term joint-division duties regarding RPC-204 are to be led by AET "RED" and prioritized as follows:

Suggestion: I would use more active language since the AET "Red" are presently looking into the anomaly. Consider:

Long-term joint-division duties regarding RPC-204 are currently lead by AET "Red". Mission priorities are as follows:

RPC-204 is known to drastically reconfigure throughout infection, initially appearing as a typically fungal cutaneous or respiratory disease

Consider:

RPC-204 is known to drastically reconfigure its own mass throughout infection, initially resembling a typical fungal cutaneous or respiratory disease infection.

makes it difficult to clinically profile the disease.

Consider:

makes proper clinical diagnosis difficult.

The object of this mechanism appears to be the production of human-interpretable artistic representations of future events concerning the patient.

Consider:

The mechanism which RPC-204 operates by appears to the deliberate creation of human-interpretable artistic representations of future events concerning the patient.

Their late-stage predictive accuracy, while still under study, is significant.

Suggestion: I would elaborate on how accurate it is. Come up with a throwaway incident where 204 predicted an event of minor importance that's not relevant enough to be mentioned later, or tie the sentence into one of the cases mentioned later in the doc.

skin marks develop into images, drawings, and rarely abstract representations of objects and people relevant to the patient's future.

Consider:

skin marks devevlop into images which may resemble human-made artistry and in rare cases, rarely abstract representations of objects and people relevant to the patient's future.

but quickly become concerning.

Suggestion: I would elaborate on this. How do they become concerning?

(intravenous most effective)

Suggestion: I would put this into a footnote.

Scope of treatment is partial and recurrence is common.

Suggestion: I would elaborate on how common it is. Perhaps "1 in X patients suffer from recurrence after infection.", or something of the sort.

Torso and arms gradually populated with bruises depicting various mechanical parts from a top-down view.

Typo: You misspelt form as from.

and proved distressing enough to cause Meléndez to consult a local doctor and thus led to his identification as a patient of RPC-204.

Consider:

and became a significant source of distress for Meléndez, leading him to consult a doctor and his subsuqent identification as a patient of RPC-204.

Though this line later became obscured by more skin bruising and is presently impossible to read, it was later discovered in an internal Authority memo about Meléndez three months after diagnosis.

Suggestion: In my opinion, the two uses of "later" in the sentence were very jarring, and the first instance of it feels redundant. I would cut one or both instances of the word.

truffle-like formations of RPC-204 and conventional gastric flora provoked constant abdominal distress for Meléndez and repeatedly harmed the stomach, provoking hematemesis (blood vomit).

Consider:

truffle-like formations of RPC-204 and conventional gastric flora caused abdominal distress and harm to the subject's stomach, provoking hematemesis.

I would also put (blood vomit) in a footnote should you decide to keep it.

During fits of retching, these truffles were eventually torn from the gastric walls and afterward ejected.

Suggestion: I would replace "afterward" with "subsequently".

Their precognitive element was not consistently discovered, but some examples were recorded.

Consider:

Their precognitive abilities were not consistently displayed, but some demonstrations were recorded.

"Demonstrations" is just my personal take, "examples" also works.

elongated dark shape initially misidentified as a crow, predicting a finch that would be seen by Meléndez from his room in six days;

Opinion: This is the only part of the article I found to be outright silly. Assuming this guy had an open window, shouldn't he be seeing finches all the time? I would just have it be a crow.

(club-shaped)

Suggestion: Once again, I advocate putting this in a footnote.

they were numerous enough to from a mosaic pattern across Lincoff's back, which she initially deemed sufficiently easy to disguise as a tattoo over seeking potentially expensive treatment.

Same typo as before.

and the specific resemblance between its beak and the tips of the (then-removed) protrusions.

Suggestion: I'm pretty sure this is an error, so I apologize if I come off as smug here:

and the specific resemblance between its beak and the tips of the (then-removed) protrusions was identified.

family's home:

Suggestion: I would remove the apostrophe s and just say "family home".

Although subsequent efforts were initially dedicated to the plantation itself and its output,

Suggestion: I would cut "itself".

Preventive cordoning of the area by local police was underway when numerous small explosions began to be heard across the cemetery, provoked by sudden underground "bursts" that were soon discovered to carry RPC-204 spores.

Consider:

Preventive cordoning of the area by local police was underway when numerous small explosions occurred within the cemetery, alerting the dispatched officers. These were later discovered to have been provoked by sudden underground "bursts" that were soon discovered to carry RPC-204 spores.

Preliminary evacuations had to be expanded to half of the town

Consider:

Preliminary evacuations were expanded to encompass half of the town's populace.

Although the lack of strong winds provided some protection,

Consider:

Although the lack of strong winds mitigated the spread of RPC-204,

This demonstrates an explosive growth in complexity and potentially implies RPC-204 possesses the ability to understand artistic and cultural concepts. Other cases are less straightforward to interpret (204-A-107):

Suggestion: I would alter this sentence to be in the past tense, since most of the article is not in the present tense. There are other instances where I think this is happening, but I'm not sure how much of it is intentional, so I will not point it out any further.

Firstly, I want to congratulate you for being patient. I know I said I'd get started on this multiple times,¹but I didn't deliver. I apologize for this, and hope my crit is worthwhile. Here are my present thoughts on the document:

In its current state, it's not the most well executed. You spend a lot of time describing the technical details while the actual anomaly is somewhat confusing. I'm not sure if it teleports you to this place or if you hallucinate it. Like Raggabrash said, you could also afford to elaborate on the anomaly. Like he suggested, you could have it punish people based on the penalty for whatever crime they committed in their culture of origin, or the culture of the place they committed that crime. What if it punished people for things they think they're guilty of but aren't necessarily crimes? There are many angles you can go with here.

You also mention that the metal plates may have something to do with the "Judge", but you don't go anywhere with it. Why not have the plates be branded with a symbol that appears in the Judge's realm, or have the chair not function without the plates?

Don't be discouraged. You've come so far, and I think this idea has potential - you just have to realize it.

General:

1. Containment Protocols, Description, etc should all be on the same level as their accompanying text.
2. Given that the anomaly can be

Access to the object is strictly prohibited without prior authorization for interaction (including but not limited to cleaning, relocation, or experimentation).

Consider:

Access to the object for any reason is strictly without prior authorization from a staff member with a clearance level of ?/549. (I'd go with 3)

RPC-549 is a crudely assembled electric chair of simplified design. The object consists of a wooden chair frame with leather straps mounted on the armrests for subject restraint. Analysis indicates that the buckles are composed of 98% brass and that the straps were originally Soviet military belts manufactured before ████.

Consider:

RPC-549 is a crudely assembled electric chair, consisting of a wooden chair frame and leather straps of Soviet origin, c. 19██.

Suggestion: I would give a specific year, I don't see why this would need to be censored.

The anomalous effects of RPC-549 manifest only when all of the following conditions are met:

- Condition A: The object is connected to a power source. Voltage strength is irrelevant, although a minimum of 20V AC is required.
- Condition B: A subject is seated in the chair.
- Condition C: The subject is restrained, and the [REDACTED] metal plates make firm contact with the subject's wrists.
- Condition D: Both toggle switches are flipped to the “On” position simultaneously or within 1–2 seconds of each other.

Consider:

The object's primary anomalous affects manifest when the object is active and plugged into a power source of 20V AC or higher while a subject is interred into the chair.

Once all conditions are satisfied, the "Alpha Phase" begins. The subject immediately undergoes seizure-like symptoms, including loss of consciousness and convulsions. ECG monitoring shows a sudden onset of ventricular fibrillation. EEG readings indicate a sharp spike of activity in the frontal lobes and complete inactivity in the hypothalamus, thalamus, cerebellum, and brain stem. This state lasts from 12 minutes to 2 hours1.

Subjects who survive the event and are capable of communication report experiencing a state resembling "limbo" or "purgatory." While descriptions vary, the general portrayal is of a non-Euclidean space devoid of light sources yet dimly illuminated. During this experience, subjects undergo a process identified as the “Judgment Phase.”

The “Judgment” phase involves an incorporeal voice reciting accusations against the subject. These accusations typically correlate with the subject’s sins or societal violations. For religious individuals, the voice uses dogma from their professed faith; for atheists, accusations are framed using the subject’s cultural legal or moral standards.2 The voice is consistently described as “deep and infernally bass-heavy.” The source of the voice is never visible or locatable. The accusations end with a declaration of “Guilty,” marking the beginning of the "Punishment Phase."

I'm not really sure what's going on here. Is the subject being teleported, or is he hallucinating? Also, how is the space "non-euclidean"? I think you could afford to describe the location beyond that, too.

Following this sequence, the “Beta Phase” begins. Brain activity returns to baseline levels, cardiac rhythm stabilizes, and the subject regains consciousness gradually.

I would cut the "beta phase" and just say the subject is released. Also, what happens to deceased subjects?