RPC Authority

There are many points I see you've attempted to connect but never offer anything insightful by association in theme or concept, let alone in isolation. To reiterate (so we're on the same page), She happens to be an English Teacher from Columbia (I understand this is a personal nod) who's been afflicted by anomalous powers when she's 21. Said powers grant her control over others and has a nullification field. Now it's possible to connect seemingly random things together, in fact it's most fun and whimsical when it's pulled off, but there wasn't much new said by connecting these bits as it stands.

The interview only serves to provide exposition, which was onto an interesting backstory when it brought up these exclusion zones, but it ends on it happening while leaving much to be desired regarding how that may had to do with manifesting her anomalous traits. You can also use heftier language to show wear and exhaustion of being 107 years (RPC-117 puts this to excellent use); Perhaps this is just me but this currently reads like a hesitant teenager than a sage of some reclusion.

Moreover, I don't see a point to the nullification effect, or how it connects to her more significant (thus interesting) body-possession ability. My best guess is these guerrilla militants were weaponizing civilians and that was a defensive ability by their design, which would be a grabbing insinuation and not only would it give credence to the effect but serve as the general theme: War torn history where you are made a weapon, covered in journal entries. All of this is my speculation to what's currently an article that doesn't suggest this direction, let alone where it's heading at all.

Lastly, the reason to use 057 is never properly clarified. Ask yourself: why specifically 057, and what insight are researchers anticipating to learn from using it on her? Was poetry suspected to have caused the effect and therefore reason to employ it; in fact, must it? Otherwise it does not add anything to the narrative. I fail to see a meaningful connection beyond serving as a simple nod.

That said, you have a lot going on here but also lots of potential how it can be tied down. Personally I was grabbed by the prospect of anomalies living undetected (for decades!) and prior knowledge of and admittance to the authority. The largest issue with this draft is a lack of direction and general theme, and I figure a post-war anomalously weaponized population is worth exploring and incorporating as it would fit right in. There's also the potential to connect the body-possession property viscerally by making it so the hair strands are not limbs (which would imply have muscle) but are dulled nerve endings, which would give weight to its logic in the eeriest sense possible.

I foresee much will be developed and rewritten, so I'm ignoring broken English as it should be your focus after you flesh this out.

Due to this ability, the RPC-XXX has been forced to study and memorize anatomy books

Forced by whom? I also figure if it is the authority then she would be more compliant to be forced to. After all, she did admit herself to them, no?

My abilities manifested eleven days after my 21st birthday, i went to sleep that night like every other night; there was nothing strange. In the morning i was already like this, that was all.

It's hard to believe you'd remember exactly when it occurred, especially decades back. Wouldn't you say it's more plausible she would rather give a date range (if 2012, 20s-30s) when she was afflicted and her halted age is estimated by researchers? Moreover, I see no reason to redact much of the dates, especially as that would give us good perspective how far back we are talking.

Its quite disturbing, the subject looks and acts like a human, it came by it's own will, i wonder about that last thing it told, how many of these anomalies are evading us, maybe for longer than it did.

No reason for the doctors to comment on it being disturbing, given it's their job to explore the unknown which more often than not is just that.

Sensors have detected a slight anomalous signature, indicating that the override is still active on a slight level.

I get the anomaly stays active at a distance, but what is "override" referring to; Anomalous signature overriding what, distance from the RPC?

• Clinical tone largely lacking, lots of informal tone.
• Unnecessary bold markdown on "there is no pain when it happens."
• Include a footnote for "anosmia" with its definition

I'm fond of the idea behind this creature, which begs to be attributed allegorical significance by the reader. It's an allegory the article never follows up on. The concept is left hanging without saying anything or seeming to realize that it can. The specifics are a bit aimless as a consequence, like the nebulous list of exceptions. It does occur to me that the list mostly encapsulates those eligible for institutional assistance or not expected to work, which raises the interesting possibility of reflecting on societal standards of who "should" work; who's "in need" versus "a basement dweller/welfare leech". Who's entitled to a free ride, and who has to suffer like the rest of us? Who decided that, anyway?

Would it not also be an interesting dilemma if those "incapable of working" weren't spared from the spidery wrath? That could really shake things up in █████, Ohio in a dramatic way. (I notice that such roles as "caretaker" and "housewife" are conspicuously absent from the list of exceptions in its current state.) "Work or die" would be the natural state of things if not for our tribes and human compassion. Would an "ergonomic world" kill the disabled and elderly?

On such a juicy topic I expect some economic, psychological, or philosophical take from you, but so far no dice. It's so ready for it, though. The research and development is also lacking from a biological perspective, though this is more on the extrinisic side. Anomalous logic doesn't save you from "its body is composed of an inorganic bone-like material of unknown chemical makeup" being incredibly lame. In this way it feels like a rough draft before any research was done to plausibly flesh out the concept. It's hard to pinpoint one emblematic line; it's a consistent ick when anything technical is involved. Great articles don't only entertain, they can expand a reader's horizons through application of real knowledge. (The trick is, if you spend a half-hour Googling one thing, you'll know more than the average reader.)

As for the story, the first addendum is a fine introduction. It's on the plain side, but it does a good job contextualizing the anomaly with a real life event and making the town of the article's setting feel large with its rapid-fire scenarios, one or two of which (Finch and Johnson) were just exemplary enough to keep me engaged. I don't think I would suggest any significant tweaks for fear of upsetting the balance here, so kudos to you.

On the other hand, I'd probably cut the second addendum. The setup is really skeevy and not at all scientific, and the "experiment" boils down to "what if we put a CSD in a room with the thing that kills you?" Points for having the Authority act responsibly and rescue him at the end, but the situation still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and it's made completely redundant by the background to the following interview. Just nix it, man.

I think the interview is funny, what with the guy killing the previously-stated-to-be-highly-dangerous unemployment spider over and over again, and then the gunshot in the background. Those elements are quality, but the ending feels like a misfire. Gambling addiction? Is that where we're going? I don't know, I figure the line is supposed to be somewhat humorous, but it's just such a strange non-sequitur, and I don't feel like the kind of character to embezzle funds for personal pleasure would so callously admit it.

I suspect you might already charge me with taking this draft too seriously by this point, but I think that all great things are funny and serious at once. I believe you can take the topic of unemployment seriously and hitch your own beliefs to it without losing sight of the fact that a giant spider killing you for being unemployed is inherently funny; and I believe that by discovering what the notion of unemployment means to you — be it an economic inefficiency, a crippling psychological stressor, just the name for the condition of those goddamned taxpayer-robbing degenerate ingrates, or whatever else you can think of — will steer you to a much stronger and more guided article.

(Also, "Ergoachnid" is a wonky portmanteau to me, and I kept calling it "Ergorachnid" by accident, or just "Ergoarachnid". It's late and I'm tired, so sorry if this whole review sucked.)

Overall, the text is perfectly legible and decently presentable. Doesn't sound like much, but it puts you in a higher percentile than you'd think.

Containment Protocols

RPC-XXX is self-contained within the boundaries of █████, Ohio.

This is purely descriptive information that needn't be in the conprots (report on where, when, and how the Authority takes action, not what the anomaly is/does). Also, "self-contained" is misleading when the phenomenon is not self-containing; "localized" may be more appropriate.

It's probably worth coming up with a fake place name if it's the setting for the whole article and you're going to use it this many times.

Resources are focused on suppressing critical information on RPC-XXX, ensuring all residents of █████ are employed, and eliminating all instances until safety is ensured.

This is vague ("until safety is ensured?") and made redundant by the following paragraphs that express the same idea in more detail.

RRT Nemu-08 is to terminate RPC-XXX on sight, or otherwise contain it within an inescapable environment, as to allow targeted persons to receive employment.

Unnecessary commas.

All public interferers are to be detained, questioned, and receive Class 2-A amnestics.

Awkward sentence structure inadvertently suggests "to be […] receive". The purpose of this sentence is confusing: while "interferers" is definitely a valid (if obscure) word choice, who are these unseen individuals attempting to help a spider kill people? How are they "interfering"? And, assuming this isn't a regular occurrence, why the cut-and-dry protocol for something that's best handled on a case-by-case basis? It's "A-2" amnestics, by the way.

center-most

centermost

Mobile Specialized Team Oscar-5 ("Web Nerds") are tasked with inspecting the employment statuses of all residents of █████ through government sources.

Given how quick RPC-XXX is to act in the article, I'm skeptical this would ever catch enough useful information to be worth dedicating manpower to.

Site-181 medical and RRT Nemu-08 personnel.

A little clunky since it implies "Site-181 RRT Nemu-08 personnel": I'd change this to "RRT Nemu-08 and Site-181 medical personnel".

Description

RPC-XXX is a 3.1 meter wide arachnid in monochrome coloration.

Monochrome coloration… but which color is for me to decide? Also, I'd hyphenate "3.1-meter wide".

A white symbol portraying a skull is present on RPC-XXX's abdomen.

How do you know it's "portraying a skull"? I'm guessing this "symbol" leans more into the biological sense — how a black widow's marking resembles an hourglass — which makes this really presumptuous. At least say something like, "A white pattern, resembling a crude image of a human skull, […]". This is all ignoring that putting a skull on your murder monster is about the least interesting choice possible.

The entity is immensely nimble and mobile, being capable of reaching speeds up to 95.4 km/h, clocking under 32.1 seconds, and is able to scale surfaces both horizontal and vertical.

"Immensely nimble and mobile" is superfluous; "highly mobile" seems like a fine replacement. What does "clocking under 32.1 seconds" measure, acceleration? The other two items are inconsistent; for parallelism, trim "being capable" to "capable" and "is able" to "able".

Observations display RPC-XXX being incapable of slinging webs or silk in any way.

"Observations display" is awkward as hell, and I advise against writing any descriptive sentences about what doesn't happen, at least without justifying why such a thing would be expected (e.g. "Unlike [subspecies], to which it bears a visual resemblance, RPC-XXX has not been observed to shoot webs, nor produce silk or any analogous material.").

Upon bite, the subject's body immediately enters neck-down paralysis for 30 days until the effects dissipate.

"Upon bite" is an awkward start and "until the effects dissipate" is obvious given "for 30 days" and should be removed. 30 days is oddly specific: maybe hedge it, e.g. "which persists for around 30 days". I just don't care for how this sentence is framed, with the abrupt introduction of "the subject" and the use of the active voice for a passive process. Try starting with something like, "To a human subject, its venom causes […]"

During which, the inflicted area enters a state of mild necrosis which allows RPC-XXX to easily consume the flesh of the subject.

This is currently a sentence fragment: remove "during which". The comma wouldn't be necessary either way.

While standard tarantula antivenom has proved capable of healing the victim, effects persist after 5 days since the infliction.

Not a big fan of "after 5 days since" or "the infliction". How about "for 5 days after the bite is inflicted"? And what does this sentence mean in practice: it works, but not for 5 days?

All incidents involving RPC-XXX have been isolated in █████, Ohio since its discovery on March 2nd, 1998.

This is a weird way to say it's a phenomenon specific to one area, and that it manifested on that date.

will manifest in a nearby area to the target and will begin its hunt

Second "will" is redundant.

When hunting, RPC-XXX has demonstrated a highly aggressive behavior towards the victim, even striking intervening persons when possible.

It's kind of a given that you're "highly aggressive" when you're hunting someone to kill them, which distracts from the actual point of this sentence ("Though RPC-XXX generally ignores bystanders, it will retaliate against any who intervene during an attack.").

gets employed

"finds employment"?

During observations, RPC-XXX has displayed the following:

This list serves to express disparate points that could've better been inserted into the proper structure of the description.

Persons incapable of becoming employed such as the mentally insane or persons with intellectual disabilities will not be targeted by RPC-XXX, save for when the subject intervenes.

The "such as […] disabilities" aside could be surrounded by commas to aid in readability. Parallelism could also help: "the mentally insane and intellectually disabled". "Mentally insane" is also kind of vague… as is "persons incapable of becoming employed", for that matter, because I'd argue these three (see ahead) conditions don't entirely preclude gainful employment. "Save for when the subject intervenes" is fairly obvious, because that's not "being targeted".

This also applies to the retired.

Then why not include them in the subject to begin with?

RPC-XXX will not target prison inmates arrested in █████, however will target prisoners brought in from other areas.

Improper use of "however" (it's not just a stand-in for "but", which should be used here instead). "Other areas" is a bit clumsy; "outside"? "Elsewhere"?

RPC-XXX has proved to be immune to all pesticides designed to eliminate arachnids.

In the interest of academic rigor, some elaboration on the chemicals at play seems like a good idea.

it will remanifest after 30 minutes close by the point where it was terminated.

"Close by" feels a little casual, and I'd rearrange the details: "remanifest near the point of termination after 30 minutes." Incidentally, I'm not sure why it shouldn't just remanifest next to the subject like it does to begin with.

all attempts to move RPC-XXX outside the perimeter results in it demanifesting.

Plurality mismatch ("attempts […] results"). I'd also change the tense to "have resulted".

Addendum.XXX.01

During the early 2000s, a recession collapsed the U.S. economy and caused millions of lay-offs to occur, including in █████. This led to an abundance of incidents

The history lesson is a little silly, especially given this was probably written closer to contemporaneously in-universe. Just say "During the recession of the early 2000s" or something.

incidents involving RPC-XXX to form

Sickening, just say "RPC-XXX incidents"

with RRT Nemu-08 over-exhausting resources in attempt to eliminate RPC-XXX before damage could be done

"Overexhausting", while arguable, is questionable for the same reason as "overexaggerate", and I'd just say "exhausting". "In an attempt to eliminate RPC-XXX before damage could be done" is obvious; I'd condense this whole excerpt to just "exhausting Nemu-08 resources."

The graph below documents the person targeted, their location, and their statuses when RRT Nemu-08 arrived.
+ Open Graph
- Close Graph

It's a table, not a graph. The introductory sentence is unusual, assuming a previously-undeclared "the person" and being redundant with the table headers anyway. I'd do something like, "The following table summarizes RPC-XXX incidents responded to by RRT Nemu-08 during this time."

Some of the "Location" entries are rendered in title case, while others are in sentence case. I much prefer the latter, personally.

Addendum.XXX.02

an apartment █████

I'm not sure what identifying word could've been blackboxed in this context.

and received Class A-3 amnestics

Why?

stand-by

"Standby" can be one word, but both show up in my dictionary, so it's your call.

SECURITY FOOTAGE —-> CSD-87791 APARTMENT.

Besides this choice of formatting being weird, the first two hyphens are converted into an em dash by the Wikidot parser. You can wrap the arrow in @@ plaintext tags to prevent this.

11:30 AM:
[END LOG]

Emboldening the timecards would aid legibility and appearance… like you do with the next log already.

CSD-8779, unaware of RPC-XXX gradual approach.

Incomplete (and grammatically botched) sentence.

It attempts to pounce onto the subject, however they narrowly evade it.

Another improper use of "however" (in this situation it means "regardless of how"). You're thinking of how it works at the start of a sentence, so you can do: "[…] onto the subject; however, they […]". The use of gender neutral pronouns is abnormal for a CSD, especially when the gender has already been established, and makes this segment more confusing than it needs to be.

CSD-87791 grabs RPC-XXX's legs and ████ ████ ███

Typo on "8779". Blackboxing an irrevelant act of violence is laughable. (Not that this isn't inherently funny, but the "wacky blackbox" is in a bad sense.)

assuming RPC-XXX was some kind of hallucination. Subject remains unaware of RPC-XXX's inevitable return.

Both very presumptuous, especially without any supporting detail.

RPC-XXX then pounced onto CSD-8779 and bit them several times.
CSD-8779 was recovered and was returned to Site-181 for medical treatment.

These are the only sentences in this log written in past tense as opposed to present. For the latter, while switching to present works fine, you could also reposition it as the log's closing statement.

Addendum.XXX.03

Gary Stephenson is a civilian who had an encounter with RPC-XXX.

Fascinating profile.

This log looks pretty slick already, but I think italicizing the actions would make it even better.

(Dr. Cornwell hands Stephenson the application. They fill it out and hand it back to Dr. Cornwell, and he reads it over.)

What is up with the surprise gender neutral pronouns? lol

Stephenson was not actually hired for any core department in the RPC Authority, however that application was for a grocery store under Authority jurisdiction.

Another improper "however".

They received Class 1-A amnestics the moment they followed the guard.

More weird gender neutrality, and "the moment they followed the guard" is crude. Why even bother amnesticizing when nothing confidential was said in the interview? Do you need him to forget the job application he just submitted?

http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-17410092/blink-and-you-ll-miss-it

An iffy first article but the big glue its missing is any sort of meaning to the anomalies featured. Its obviously an alien mailbox that receives weird alien objects but
A) none of this actually connects to the doomsday prophecy and speculation at the end save for the alien connection.
B) there's little reason for the aggressive nature of the packages themselves given that most of them are just random objects.
Its especially confusing given that this is the construction of an intelligent species, so its random nature is even more silly.

The aliens themselves don't really add anything to the article as all they do is show up, kill some guys, and then give some vague warnings about a future Armageddon. No reason they need to act so vague and mysterious.

There's also no reason for the authority to keep the anomaly at the property as it just serves as an additional open liability for them to contain instead of keeping it in a hidden site with closer security.

Also the "locomotive form" of the packages themselves aren't given any description which combined with how its described as able to be torn open makes it very hard to visualize how it could kill someone.

This article really needs a more cohesive idea because as of now it's just a bunch of alien stuff tangentially related to each other.

When retrieving RPC-XXX-1, personnel are encouraged to perform steadily and carefully as to not invoke the defense mechanism.
When retrieving RPC-XXX-1, personnel are to do so with extreme caution as to not invoke its defense mechanism.

The outer perimeter is to be guarded by no less than five ASF staff, especially during experimentation.
(Redundant to add especially when the conditions are supposed to always be maintained)

All RPC-XXX-1 instance contents are to be stored in standard containment lockers at Site-███ in Sector-5Yib under Level 2/R clearance, unless specified otherwise.
(Seems superfluous to censor the site number unless your just waiting to put a specific one in later, the sector code and /R clearance is something I've never seen in an article. You can go ahead and just remove the last half from the sentence.)

RPC-XXX is a common mailbox with a white paintjob and an average model, displaying the number "20" on its right.
(Already mentioned its a common mailbox so adding average model is redundant)

RPC-XXX-1's exterior consists of flimsy silicon while the interior resembles a smoothened amethyst, quartz, or opal.
RPC-XXX-1's exterior consists of flimsy silicon while the interior resembles either a smoothened amethyst, quartz, or opal.

Personnel located a nearby murder board
(Murder board is a little too unclinical of a term, use pin board or something else)

Site Command prohibited the relocation of RPC-XXX as it could led to future research on the area and the unknown organization.
(As I mentioned earlier there is no reason for RPC-XXX to be held at the residency as there are no mentioned issues of moving the mailbox or danger to be found in moving it from its location.)

Experimentation logs
(Cut down the CSD numbers to four digits since thats the standard numbering system, also get rid of the /P at Level 4/P security locker)

Once they arrived, they would begin retrofitting the object with their technology. They soon finished and demanifested alongside a flashbang, leaving RPC-XXX at the containment site.
(Whole sentence needs rewritten, never specified how they retrofitted it.)

Inside was a machine made of amethyst and opal, assumably a "futuristic" radio
(Would be better to say "alien" instead of "futuristic" fitting with the rest of the article, furthermore theres nothing described about it that would give the idea that it is a radio.)

It's great as is, but I feel like it should expand or even comment on Petrova's fate at the end. One can say it's needless to say and assume a grim fate since this is Site-070, but given this is her invention and the article mostly revolves around her it just kinds of ends while leaving something to be desired. It's made dull and especially damning when it's preceded by hard lines such as:

With him standing guard, we exist beyond ordinary limits. Here, death is… not so final a concept.

and

Knowledge is a delicate thing, for it bears fruit only in harsh climates. What colder place is there than Site-070?

Perhaps you can adapt this concern into a note addressing it as had been done in 625 and 501, but instead of site director it's from a counsel member.

That said, I must stress how excellently formatted this is and how that betters readability. I love having overviews of RPC crosslinks footnoted and see-through redactions. Although it's a bit silly you can bypass redaction by selection; I was constantly thinking what if there was a password you can input after deducing it in hints throughout the article? I can only recall this on the Morgana draft but I figure offsetting would break an already perfect flow… Then again art imitates life so I can suspend my disbelief here. Redactions in tables are not properly opaque however, given that CSS tables are a bit darker. I'm none the wiser about CSS but methinks DoubleDenial should be able to help there.

Again, it's great. I loved Site-070 so I'm especially excited for this :3

• Struck through lines suggest removal.
• Underlined lines suggest addition
• Italicized lines call into question
• "Try:" suggests rewording entirely

Thus, the maintenance of the item's internal music box is the of top priority.

Since then, derivative models are created for other sentry tasks.

will begin to grow out of the inside inside out of the subject

operates through a thaumaturgic engine housed within a modified music disc

Why not some other physical format? Certainly they're cooler than a USB flash drive but from a logistical standpoint it makes no sense to stick to discs when they're easily damaged and scratched.

rudrimentary rudimentary speech

These capabilities are attributed to the brain samples of Researcher Petrova's body, which has been implanted in every RPC-XXX model, and converted into floral growth

Try:

Said capabilities are attributed to floral growths from implanted cells into every RPC-XXX model, sampled from researcher Petrova's brain (or specify a part of the brain).

Maybe it's just me but is it common practice to capitalize Researcher in RPC documents? I usually do so too but I don't know why so I always lowercase it afterwards.

While cooking, it will instinctively attempt to brew coffee and won't register a complete directive until it's done

Does this inability to register them really warrant a redaction? I assume it's rather its choice to brew coffee like its source identity Petrova but I figure personification can be shrugged off as a benign characteristic of memetics. Maybe it's just me but it doesn't arouse much suspicion.

Although it requires will however, use computers and calculators for mathemetical mathematical subjects more complex than calculus II.

RPC-XXX is ill-suited for social situations

yes, Nika Mikhailovna

Somewhat awkward to address by both fore and middle names. Ms. Petrova sounds more natural.

This might be your best one yet if published. Normally, I am against random world altering events for the effect they will have on canon, but this time I can't help but fall in love. Unlike other apocalyptic RPCs, this one actually does have its consequences but also leaves room for the reader to guess what may or may not have happened in the article.

However, I feel the interview with "Lakmal" has the Authority representative act too unprofessionally. I would rewrite that sequence.

Spread of RPC-XXX-1 knowledge is to be suppressed via manipulation of algorithms and search engines, using webcrawler resources and cooperation with mass media conglomerates.

Consider:

Knowledge of RPC-XXX-1's happening is to be suppressed via manipulation of algorithims and search engines.

Keep the rest unchanged.

As deleting all footage recorded during RPC-XXX-1 is both a riskful and difficult strategy, it is not currently being used.

Consider:

Full scale censorship of materials pertaining to RPC-XXX-1 is not possible at the present.

Instead, distribution of clearly manipulated content identifying itself as legitimate footage of RPC-XXX-1 dilutes the pool of authentic recordings, as per the Strawlight technique.

Suggestion: I would elaborate on what the Strawlight Technique is. You tell the reader to move to the collapsible in the document, but as it is relevant to the ConProcs, I would mention it there instead.

For example: blockade of sense organs,1 axon or nerve malfunction, cortex damage, sleep, unconsciousness, and other diverse means affecting sapient non-human anomalies or creatures not yet understood.

Suggestion: I would replace "For example" with "Examples include".

A post in the social media platform Facebook group

Suggestion: I would reword this like so:

A post from Facebook user Marlyn Ranchthe from the group titled "We Who Live in Quanah":

Sorry the english degree didn't work out.

Question: Was English not being capitalized intentional? I ask because this is an in-universe conversation and those are not always grammatically correct.

The incident was in reality a form of enlightenment that should be revered and learned from.

Consider:

Proponents of the Awakening hypothesis posit that RPC-XXX-1 was some form of enlightenment which should be revered and learned from.

various examples being environmentalism, anti-consumerism, Anarcho-Primitivism, Neo-Luddism, and aspects of Buddhist thought.

Question: Why are Anarcho-Primitivism and Neo-Luddism capitalized, but not the other ideologies? Feel free to correct me here, but shouldn't they be capitalized too? Also, given the questions about whether or not we existed in that period of time, I would also mention Solipsism and possibly Neoplatonic or Gnostic thought (You even mention Solipsism later in the article!). The first is more obvious, but the second two might require more explaining:

The Neoplatonists and Gnostics believed that we are brought into form by a Demiurge-type figure: What if some people started believing that the Demiurge figure temporarily stopped thinking about us?

demanda

Typo!

Practitioners would trespassers onto the terrace, and

They would do… what exactly?