RPC Authority

I'm a sucker for WikiDot articles that look like internet forums. I'm especially a sucker for the Veil Rippers. They're a really interesting GoI and I like seeing what all these disorganized conspiracy theorists think about the RPC Authority. Needless to say, this article hooked me the moment I laid eyes on it. "BBL" is characterized very well and I enjoy his interactions with the other forum members. Really felt like I was reading an actual internet forum. The biggest room for improvement you have is nailing the clinical tone and smoothing out some of the jankiness of the flow. Otherwise, bravo!

Right off the bat, I like the web format.

THE FOLLOWING IS AN ARCHIVED DOCUMENT FROM A NOW DEFUNCT FORUM “THE WARREN VAULTS” PREVIOUSLY OPERATED BY THE VEIL RIPPERS

THIS DOCUMENT IS FOR TRAINING PURPOSES ONLY FOR AGENTS OPERATING WEB CRAWLER 3.2.4

This notice flows kinda weird. Try:

THE FOLLOWING IS AN ARCHIVED THREAD FROM “THE WARREN VAULTS,” A DEFUNCT WEB FORUM PREVIOUSLY OPERATED BY THE VEIL RIPPERS

THIS DOCUMENT HAS BEEN ARCHIVED FOR THE PURPOSE OF TRAINING AGENTS OPERATING WEBCRAWLER 3.2.4

This is going to be pretty intense. The conditioning needs to be constant and repetitive. On top of that, if you’re hit with these things, even if you’re lucky enough to be resistant, your brain is going to get scrambled. If you’re not cool with not remembering your birthday, your mom’s face, or even what the plot of Shrek was, then just take the pills and be happy forgetting. Some of the people I know who followed these instructions lost their minds. A couple even got banned, their posts got so incoherent.

There's something I never really read a lot of in mainline RPCs — the side effects of amnestics-er, "amnesiacs." I really like that this paragraph touches on that.

However, the underlined sentence is kind of weird. If you're not cool, then be happy forgetting? I'd assume OP meant "If you're cool with remembering your birthday, your mom, etc." Also the plot of Shrek seems like a pretty random addition, and I feel like including it last kind of emphasizes it more than the other two (more important) subjects. Try:

If you're cool with forgetting your favorite movie, your birthday, or your mom's face, then just take the pills and be happy forgetting.

Amnesiacs Types:

I feel like this section should be placed somewhere before Method 1.

Method 2: Trained Resistance

I think this one can be split into the four methods OP suggests. In addition, this section has two "final methods."

It’s no joke, this is your brain, and this is your brain on amnesiacs.

I know it's referencing the "This is your brain on crack" PSA but without visuals it doesn't make all that much sense. Maybe make a more on-the-nose egg pun that can kind of lead up into the "Whole Breakfast Club here" line.

By the way, you are using the term Amnesiacs wrong.

Nice. I like that he deliberately made the mistake. The reply also characterizes BBL really well.

And speaking like you know me, my gf is in the other room right now. I can take a picture and prove it.

Oh I really like the characterization here. He's like an over-defensive, over-combative hard-ass. Sweet.

so don’t lecture me a vet veil ripper about shit YOU don’t know about!

What the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bitch?! Love this guy. Sad that the thread ends there.

The Warren Vault was taken down by Authority operations…

Wasn't it called "The Warren Vaults?" Also, "Authority operations" is kind of vague. Either say it was shut down by Authority webcrawler operators or just by "The Authority"

This page has been archived both to act as a training piece for Authority agents, as well as demonstrating what disorganized surveillance groups like the Veil Rippers are capable of learning.

Flows weird. Try:

This page has been archived to train new webcrawler operators snd to display the capabilities of the Veil Rippers and their affiliates.

BBL, also known as Chris Dillon, is monitored more directly by Authority personnel. Evidence suggests that Chris has only had one encounter with the anomalous that warranted amnestics, where they were given a lower dose than recommended for their weight. Chris Dillon, to date, has yet to encounter any further anomalous activity according to all Authority reports, cessation of surveillance currently under review. As can be seen, a possible threat to the veil was dealt with that did not require needless resource expenditure; or even worse termination with a needed cover.

I like that you mention what happened to Brazilian Butt Lift after the site went down. However, referring to Chris by his first name after the first mention of his name is not exactly in line with a clinical tone.

As can be seen, a possible threat to the veil was dealt with that did not require needless resource expenditure; or even worse termination with a needed cover.

That last part doesn't feel very clinical. Try:

This example shows that not every threat to the veil requires needless resource expenditure and/or the termination of all non-Authority personnel involved.

Despite it being a long article, it felt short in a bad way; The plot has one too many generic shonen fight scenes, which are somewhat indistinguishable from one another. The one time it was getting interesting, the footage is cut short. I won't lie and say I wasn't bored for a minute or two reading through the 614 fight and the latter half of the Comiket log. Both establish a connection between them and K.K. anomalies, but they go on for longer than they need for characterization and cover singular plot points each, which is criminally few for how much this concept has to offer.

As much as I like your character writing, it didn't do it for me here, as I thought it got bloated by the extraneous exchanges in the fight scenes. And as much as I love the theme, I wish there was some say or sort of ceremonial farewell from Chomu to retired magical girls. It's a very personal character article, and somehow I did not care much for them (except maybe Pretty Pink). I ended up waiting for Chomu to appear and make it interesting again.

That said, it's not without its good moments. Much of the anomaly and GOI description as well as Chomu herself are a blast. Also:

Their battles often resulted in significant property damage and widespread public disturbances, requiring extensive efforts from the Japanese government and the Authority to suppress information and maintain the integrity of the Veil.

I love the implication that this spurred a new wave of magical girl anime, namely Madoka. This, in turn, had me thinking: what if magical girl anime early on in the 80s was based around Wonderland? Some Japanese mangaka were given that insight through unknown means, which let them prepare and condition the Japanese for Chomu's arrival.

Perhaps cause I was going into this with high expectations that I'm a little disappointed. But I digress; it's a good article, and the coming-of-age theme had me feel very nostalgic, especially in the blog sections.

in our polite society.

Polite sounds off here. Try:

in normal society

Furthermore, regarding inquiries

The primary objective of RPC-XXX is to protect humans from supernatural threats to enact moral justice into society.

“worthy”

"Holy Knight of Love, Truth, and Justice"

I figure if you'll use quotation you should use a single form, either “” or "".

Near-invulnerability

The Authority only asserts what has been confirmed. If there was no incident to confirm this, it should say something along the lines of extreme durability (for lack of a better term atm :X).

vigilante activities throughout Yokohama, Kanagawa Prefecture.

remained active for approximately 6 months before retiring; citing a spinal injury and the pressure to finish secondary school entrance examinations as a the reason.

Mieko ████

There are at least two other instances of misspelling Meiko.

However, following a 2008 investigation by ASIACOM into this phenomenon, it was discovered that the data was manually altered or deleted by personnel. Further inquiry identified the responsible individual as RPC-XXX itself, acting under legitimate Authority credentials.

Doesn't this invalidate the incognito veil from being strictly anomalous?

or its supposed declaration of resignation in 200█ was ever found.

I don't see a point in redacting a 2-year margin, since a year already has 12 months to trace from, nor do I see what's actually sensitive information here to redact.

Unlike RPC-XXX-1-1 before them

I suggest using -A or -α for the instances, since RPC-XXX-α-1 is clearer as a particular instance. I bring this up cause for a hot minute, I thought this referred to a whole group, and that RPC-XXX-1 was Meiko specifically.

Image: RPC-XXX and Team Exusiai (2012)

Personal taste, but I think the shock of realizing Chomu is in the picture (it took me a second to see her) is broken when the image zoom is enabled.

RPC-XXX-1-3 is also able to determine the air density inside the pocket, sometimes producing bubbles capable of raising herself into the air, or with an obfuscating smoke.

Please continue.y.

I'd already been watching because she seemed frightened, and then this little girl in blue started chasing after her.

I fail to understand how the first half of this sentence is relevant at all, characterization and flow alike.

But she couldn’t reach him her

(Hirayama takes a short break to drink water.)

A break tends to imply it's longer than a minute. Which makes it seem like he sat there and meditated for a whole minute as he drank his cup of water.

The girl inside… well, she was scratching at it like a cat, but it didn't break at all. That bubble. After that, the blue girl started lecturing her again

Try:

The girl inside… she started scratching that bubble like a mad cat, but it refused to burst. The girl in blue was lecturing her again as that happened.

The weapon is capable of firing projectiles with sufficient force to destroy inanimate objects; however, when used against living targets, the projectiles only produce blunt-force impacts

You should note those blunt-force impacts are non-lethal or moderate enough in force, as with enough blunt trauma you can kill someone.

And to think, she's only twelve! She's very mature for his age, isn't she?

The transcript is from 2009. Since she was born in 1998, she would be 11 the next day.

RPC-XXX-1-4 is lying here. It is by this point, the entity has gotten suspicious of ██████ TV.

This seems badly exposited as a footnote. I think it's better off included in the afterword or removed.

(The camera begins following her.) (Glimmer Green stops walking but does not turn around.) (After a brief pause, the cameraman stops. Glimmer Green bows one final time before leaving the frame.)

A nitpick, but since she has not turned, she'd be bowing away from the camera.

the website would invariably reappear shortly after its deletion through anomalous means.

It's a little difficult to believe they learned it's, in fact, anomalous and not simply unknown without a given reason. Perhaps "through unknown means, suspected to be anomalous in nature."

Rescue the kitten in on the tree!

"In" implies it's inside the bark (like a squirrel) or actually part of the tree itself.

But she might just be the cutest expensive-looking toy in the world.

I think an exclamation mark here would be more in character.

Claudetta can actually take on a human form!? And she’s super cute!!

No crit here, I just love how endearing this lil trivia is.

Come to think of it, why did I never think that? (lol)

left numerous security blind spots that which let bad actors have taken advantage of them.

One of the Kurobane Nobuyuki (黒羽伸行), a senior executive of the company and the chief logistics officer of the Kyoto network. Kurobane has gained a fascination with RPC-XXX and Team Exusiai, and was responsible for orchestrating many of the group's battles in what he called an "experiment in engaging narratives".

Comma splices and period misplacements. Try:

One of the Kurobane Nobuyuki (黒羽伸行), a senior executive of the company and the chief logistics officer of the Kyoto network, Kurobane has gained a fascination with RPC-XXX and Team Exusiai,. and Kurobane was responsible for orchestrating many of the group's battles in what he called an "experiment in engaging narratives".

An alternate weapon begins unfolding from the instance's arm, switching to a high-caliber ████ rifle.

614 are called instances too, so you're better off specifying it's XXX-1-4, as the 614 instance could have just the same abilities. So it was the 614 instance huh. You should specify it as such, cause I had to read down and up to connect who's who here.

RPC-XXX-1-2: みゆ……

Untranslated line.

RPC-XXX-1-2: だって、私たちは変わったじゃん。 But it worked on us.

RPC-XXX-1-2: だって、クローデッタは私たちのことも信じてくれたじゃん。 But Claudetta believed in us too.

Seems like there is an exchange missing here, or these two should be connected. In case it's the latter:

But it worked on us, and Claudetta believed in us, too.

RPC-XXX-1-4: ……そこまで？ …Really?#

だって……！前は殺す気満々だったのに……！This time it's just "my eyes hurt" and "I can't stop coughing"! Ahahaha! (Continues laughing)

I don't see why Masako would switch languages, so I'm assuming this is untranslated text from English.

Afterword: By the time the Authority recovered the footage, there was evidence of tampering from a previous actor (most likely KK).

Hard to believe if they were able to tamper with it, they couldn't just delete it entirely.

That's sad… I wanted cute fan art.

Try:

Aww, but I wanted cute fan art…

RPC-XXX-1-2: あはは……ほ、本当にサイボーグなんだ……。(Looks back at RPC-XXX-1-3 and RPC-XXX-1-4 nervously) てっきり東源バイオテックの関係者じゃないといいんだけど……。
Ahaha… s-so you really are a cyborg… I hope you're not with Togen Biotech and…

The translated text is missing the parenthesised text.

##8f8f8f|You're turning on us that quickly?

Missing hashtag

[The rest of the footage has been deleted.]

Aw cmon just when it was getting good!

initiated an unauthorized assault on the facility to rescue civilians and anomalous captives as well as apprehend Nobuyuki Kurobane.

Unauthorized by whom, Claudetta? The Authority? That would be needless to say.

Despite his apparent age and gray hair, the subject has a youthful appearance and exhibits unusually energetic mannerisms.

Apparent old age but youthful appearance. The former word stems from appearance, so you should specify what looks old and what looks young. Old: wrinkles and gray hair. Young: physique and musculature; for instance.

(The tendrils surge toward RPC-XXX-1-2. It narrowly evades a barrage of fireworks, blades, and grasping appendages.)

There is an inconsistency in using it/she pronouns throughout the article. Choose one; I advise "it", as I see no reason for the Authority to make an exception for them.

(RPC-XXX-1-3 lands behind RPC-XXX-1-2.)

You mean in front?

(Kurobane's right arm ejects from the construct and focuses on supporting his left arm.

I can't tell what's going on here.

(Laughing while sobbing//)

Missing //

The image looks really weird and like a 3D model. I'd recommend looking through wikimedia commons for a pic, such as:
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Leica_M10-P_%22White%22_.jpg
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Panasonic_Lumix_DC-S5II_with_Lumix_S_50mm_1.8_2023-02-06.jpg
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Fujifilm_GFX100_26_oct_2019a.jpg
- https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Canon_EOS_R5%2BRF_100-500mm_f4.5-7.1L_IS_USM(17).jpg
or whatever else you find fitting.

Containment Protocols::

does not have any adverse effects

I'd change "does not have" to "lacks"

RPC-XXX is not to have its lens pointed in the direction of a sapient being except during testing.

1. This has been deferred to the Anomalous Object Maintenance Team's management Disregard. As of 7/22/2026 all battery level checks are to be performed by research staff assigned to RPC-XXX.

"research" should be capitalized

how so? is it kept inside a box? a locker? with a piece of cloth covering it? does it not have a lense cap? does "pointed at" only count line of sight?

Protocol XXX-3 "My OC, Don't Steal" should be enacted.

I'd move the paragraph this is in to be the last of the conprots, the shock value of reading that protocol's name is a pretty good hook

Description:

While the individual's personality does not change, RPC-XXX-A instances will not refuse to put on an outfit provided to them even if they would not typically prefer to wear an outfit of that make or design

I'd change to: While RPC-XXX-A instances retain their personality, they will not refuse to put on any outfits provided to them, even if their make or design would go against their usual preferences

The only exception to this is if the outfit is undersized to an uncomfortable degree, though they will only complain about the outfit's tightness while still trying to put it on.

To make this a little more clear you could change it to mean that they will not wear (or be reluctant to wear) outfits that cause them physical harm or discomfort

Once the instance of RPC-XXX-A has put on its provided outfit, they will often claim that they are

Since you use "they", it'd be better to say "Once a instance" here. Also, why "often"? What are the other possibilities here? Do they need to try on several outfits before saying so? If not, remove "often" - and I'd also shorten it to "they [often] will claim to be"

and will wait for direction

and wait for instructions* (double will in the same sentence + "instructions" makes more sense here)

however, they will

unnecessary "however"

it will have the normal function of a typical camera

I'd shorten to "it will function as a", try not to overuse "will" and terms of vagueness such as "often" or "may" in articles unless explicitly necessary

However, should a picture be taken of an instance of RPC-XXX-A, they will enter into a state of much stronger suggestion than before. RPC-XXX-A's brain will become much less active, allowing them to be much more suggestible than before.

I'd change this to something more precise like an acute state of delirium (doesn't mean crazy, look it up) and sedated, altered consciousness. Also, you can cut out " they will enter into a state of much stronger suggestion than before. RPC-XXX-A's " and just join the two sentences together since they both regard the same thing, otherwise you'd be repeating the "suggestible" bit twice

while keeping them within shot of RPC-XXX's camera lens

while keeping in the camera's frame*

Should there be 20 photos taken of a given RPC-XXX-A instance, the 21st photo taken will have the flash on whether or not it was active prior or not.

The 21st picture taken of a given RPC-XXX-A instance, whatever it was previously active or not, will have its camera flash on*

products, however all changes to the instance have been entirely cosmetic, with no changes to the RPC-XXX-B instance's internal structure.

I'd change the comma for a period and remove the however. Also, you should probably denote what is a -B before talking about it. Maybe specify whatever or not those cosmetic changes eventually revert or not.

20 minutes pass following

remove "pass"

I gotta this, this is a REALLY creepy and uncomfortable anomaly, and that's really good!!!! It's exactly what I'd expect KK to pull off. Maybe leaning into a more clinical tone of its effects could further enhance the creepy factor.

Discovery:

At the time of the raid, an instance of RPC-XXX-B was discovered dressed as an instance of RPC-614 and was terminated on-sight.

the image of an MST squad stumbling into a catgirl in a maid outfit and blowing their shit smoove off is really funny ngl. Also, is this person supposed to be the content creator who, I assume, was kidnapped against their will for these photos?

Incident Report XXX-9:

Control, yes Mister Rojas?

Change comma to period, and a comma after "yes"

Interviewer: Mares Mares

Mares Mares? Typo, or very odd name?

Final Thoughts:

It was pretty good! Honestly, I don't have much to complain about. I do have some suggestions.

I already explained that a bit more clinical tone could help to the creep factor, and maybe expanding on just how much the subject is suggestible after repeated shooting. Otherwise, and I know this may not perhaps be the type of stuff you like to write, which is fine, but I feel you could've gone further with the Incident Report to really drive in how dangerous this thing is. I agree with Adejny in his comments to drawing parallels sexual exploitation with it.

Also, maybe have a section on the conprots about searching for any more instances of RPC-XXX in case they exist? Or something to indicate this was something made by KK or commissioned to someone by them.

Containment

RPC-XXX's battery charge must be checked on a daily basis, as doing so does not have any adverse effects this can be done by any Authority staff of level 2 or higher.

Run-on sentence. Add a period after effects.

"Member" should be added after Authority staff.

RPC-XXX is not to have its lens pointed in the direction of a sapient being except during testing.

You could rephrase this to: "Directing RPC-XXX's lens in the direction of any sapient being outside of testing is prohibited."

"My OC, Don't Steal"

Funny, but I feel a more appropriate name should've been chosen. Plus, the protocol isn't elaborated on, so the reader would have no idea what this means.

Any abuse of their suggestibility will result in fitting punishment up to and including termination.

"Fitting Punishment" should be changed to "disciplinary action" for a better clinical tone.

Description

RPC-XXX is a full-frame mirrorless photography camera capable of placing a given subject, referred to as RPC-XXX-A, into a complacent state upon having the camera's lens pointed at them.

Run-on sentence. Could be rephrased as: "RPC-XXX is a full-frame mirrorless photography camera. Any subject that has RPC-XXX's lens directed at them will enter a complicit state. Subjects that enter this state are designated as RPC-XXX-A.

Should also mention it's never specified what happens if multiple subjects are captured in a picture, or if someone turns the camera to take a photo of themself.

Drop "an outfit of that make or design." and just end the sentence at "wear"

The only exception to this is if the outfit is undersized to an uncomfortable degree, though they will only complain about the outfit's tightness while still trying to put it on.

Could be rephrased as: "The only exception to this is if the outfit is undersized to a degree in which RPC-XXX-A can't wear it."

The part about RPC-XXX-A complaining about the tightness should be dropped. If the subjects retain their personalities, then it's possible some wouldn't argue.

Should the pose requested be physically impossible for the individual to perform, however, they will attempt to perform the pose as accurately as possible without resorting to self-injury.

Can be rephrased as: "Should the pose requested be physically impossible for the individual to perform, they will attempt to perform the pose as accurately as possible."

it will have the normal function of a typical camera.

Can be rephrased as "…it will function equivalently to any non-anomalous camera."

RPC-XXX-A's brain will become much less active, allowing them to be much more suggestible than before.

This sentence should be dropped. It repeats information already stated in the previous sentence.

Any order given, while keeping them within shot of RPC-XXX's camera lens, will be carried out to exact specifics within possibility

Commas aren't needed.

An impossible task will seemingly be ignored, with no response from RPC-XXX-A.

Redundant information that was already specified earlier in the article.

Should there be 20 photos taken of a given RPC-XXX-A instance the 21st photo taken will have the flash on whether or not it was active prior or not.

Can be rephrased to: "When at least 20 photos are taken of an RPC-XXX-A instance, the 21st photo will have the flash active."

You could also reduce the number of photos needed to be taken before -A transition into -B. Maybe something like 5 or 7.

The flash of this particular photo will exceed that of 200,000 Lumens, temporarily blinding all subjects present though not leaving any lasting ocular damage with no exception to proximity.

Run-on sentence. Add a period after subjects.

Everything following subjects can be rephrased as: "No lasting ocular damage has been observed following RPC-XXX's flash."

Also, now starting to wonder: how does RPC-XXX know it's on its 21st picture? Does it just flashbang people every 21 pictures? Lowkey can see an evil fucked-up utility use case for this.

During this time, the RPC-XXX-A instance's form will temporarily morph to become physically similar to known Kabushiki Kawaii products,

Replace comma period with a period.

however all changes to the instance have been entirely cosmetic, with no changes to the RPC-XXX-B instance's internal structure.

Can be rephrased to something like: "All changes to RPC-XXX-B's physical appearance are superficial, with no bearing on its internal anatomy."

I've stated before I think all the -C instances should be removed, but if you're persistent with keeping them in, I recommend placing the paragraphs about them before the table featuring the different -Bs.

In between the Description and Incident log, I think it would be a good place to put a discovery log.

At approximately 2035, within the Anomalous Objects storage wing, Guillermo Rojas, the maintenance team shift lead at the time, and Harley Henderson, a newly hired member of the maintenance team, had been performing regular checks on the units surrounding and including RPC-XXX.

Run-on sentence. I think you could have the positions of Rojas and Henderson be footnotes.

He then proceeded to take another nineteen photos,

Inconsistency: The flash occurs on every 21st photo, but here it occurs on the 20th.

Also, the number is spelled out instead of being written "19". Though maybe it's because it's an incident report? Discard if true.

Finding this comical

This can be dropped for brevity.

Mares: You understand how much trouble you're in, yes?

Can be rephrased as:

Mares: You understand the severity of this situation, Mister Rojas?

End of LBL