Recent Forum Posts
From categories:
page 1123...next »

I like how clean and logical these containment classes are, they make understanding the annomoly easier without the need for esoteric classes. Though I will say should there be a class that denotes annomolies that can be contained but shouldn't similiar to the Archon/Heimal class.

5 Stars, but a question by GlubbfubbGlubbfubb, 08 Aug 2022 18:57

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/glubbfubb

Concept: A species of cotton that can grow live sheep. Discovered in Kazakhstan and currently held in Germany.

I have spent all of yesterday making first RPC draff. It went smoothly with the containment and description but I am facing writer's block with the addendum/discovery log. I need some feedback on the article I have so far and suggestions to add anything else to said article. If anyone is interested to directly adding to the article PM me and I can give proper credit.

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/buttercorpsezone#

I’d especially like critique on my interpretation of KK as an EoI, I know there’s a lot of vapor lore hanging around that.

24ayn524ayn5 07 Aug 2022 10:51
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-004

This is a really cool idea, having two people communicate via poetry on paper. There's a storyline contained in a formal article, something which i'm still struggling to do effectively.

The story appears to be about someone who traps Jenny inside of a book, or something like that, so she can only talk and live from inside that book. The trapper themselves also seem to have trapped themselves inside a book. Given that the trapper rhymes on purpose, and Jenny rhymes without wanting to, it might make more sense that the text from the trapper is more cryptic, smooth and overall 'nicer' to read. While definitely cryptic in some places, there are times where the trapper's lines are clunky and don't read smoothly. On the other hand, Jenny might speak in a less 'smooth' style, with lines that awkwardly rhyme only because she is forced to.

It's a +4 right now, but if the poetry was changed more to reflect the natures of the characters, this article would have an easy +5 from me.


Sincerely, 24ayn5

by 24ayn524ayn5, 07 Aug 2022 10:51

I really like the feel this article gives off; it reminds me of that SCP-early horror vibe that I really enjoy. There's some sections here and there that need some touch-ups but overall I am a fan of this document. It'll be helpful to writers and expand a part of the site lore that hasn't been explored a lot so far. Good luck!

Here you go!

Overall, this was a very forgettable, generic article with one major flaw throughout it: the clinical tone. While I am of the opinion that RPC is a bit more laxed in clinical tone as compared to SCP, the clinical tone present here is very unprofessional. Several examples of this include the casual reference to greek mythology that is rather irrelevant in the rest of the article, several uses of "appears to be", and the run on sentences. Clinical tone is rather difficult to learn how to do, so the best advice I can give is to read several RPCs by Von Pincier, iEatCrepes/LackOfLepers, and 8ismo as I believe they are some of the best clinical tone writers on site. I also reccomend you read Carousel Notepad as well. While it is not an RPC, it does clinical/formal writing extremely well.

Fort St. Marie-La Roche are constructed in early 1726 in the area now known as Newfoundland and Labrador.

A fort and population center on a relatively unhabituated tundra island with amenities and fortification in place by the time the British arrived? Why on Earth would this not only be abandoned, but entirely forgotten about? Considering where it is and the era this is set, the British Empire wouldn't have just tried to destroy the Fort and sack the surrounding town. They would've greatly appreciated every foot hold they could get. I would suggest the fort is destroyed by anomalous means rather than human intervention to explain why it wasn't just occupied. Could further have the Authority's predecessor, the Auctoritas Imperata, been involved with covering up the destruction.


St. Marie-La Roche remain unknown for years until the Royal Navy discovered the fort in 1935. The Royal Navy were quickly attacked by the fort's cannons and mortars, the ships have to retreat from the site in order to prevent further casualties. The acting captain immediately report it to the Admiralty, in which the Admiralty ordered further inspection and supervising. The Royal Navy continue to watch the fort with their patrol boat until 1940.

The RPC Authority are notified about the St. Marie-La Roche's existences in 1950s.

If the British were the first to reencounter them, then this anomaly would more then likely fall into the sights of Military Intelligence Section XIII1. Being they're allied with the Authority, that means the Authority would likely find out about it sooner through them.


Also, general grammar fixes all over. I'd run this through some kind of document programs like Microsoft Word or Google Docs.


I do like the base concept of this. A fort of ghost/zombie/ambiguously immortal French guard still loyal to the king and still holding onto the relations of their old empire (ie, hating the British/Spanish and being buddy buddy with the Americans next door). There's also a kind of hole when it comes to the French in that period of the lore. Could be a good avenue to expand on things through interviews between implanted agents and soldiers from the fort.

Personally, I think it'd be more interesting if the Fort was a ye olde anomaly containment site that suffered a catastrophic breach and as a result all the people stationed there were made immortal and shackled to the location for eternity. Steadfast in their duty, they attack anyone that approaches to stop the further exacerbation of the breach.

Re: "La Roche" by Bro dudeBro dude, 05 Aug 2022 00:44

Crit Time

Flora and fauna abound in vibrant colors completed by a soundscape awash in rich tones and harmonies.

Change to:

Flora and fauna abound in vibrant colors completed by a soundscape awashed in rich tones and harmonies.

the Witch-Doctor can trigger and end the trembling by command.

Personally I would change it to:

the Witch-Doctor can cause and end the trembling by command.

Once the social order has been thoroughly destroyed,

Imo change to:

Once societal order has been thoroughly destroyed,

The Witch-Doctor's henchmen take notice and stand on guard by their spirit guide.

Imo change to:

The Witch-Doctor's henchmen take notice and stand on guard by their spiritual liege.

The old maximum is true:

Change to:

The old maxim is true:

Others pan the rocks that have been excavated, and was them over with water.

Change to:

Others pan the rocks that have been excavated, and wash them over with water.

Overall, this is a great tale. Also, is the man in the business suit a reference to RPC-115? Anyway, this is a great read.

  • Always put space after unit. For example: it's12 cm, not 12cm.
  • Throughout the article, use "it" pronouns. Using "she" form in interviews and email is fine because the researchers working with the entity might see her as a person (especially since the effects, in the beginning, are mild).
  • In most cases, use the day/month/year format instead of, for example, "1st of March, 1999."
  • There are various unnecessary uses of [DATA EXPUNGED].
  • Having an entire log crossed out isn't good, since most people will just automatically skip it.

provided with various forms of offline entertainment.

Just mentioning that it is to be provided with entertainment is enough.


Personnel conducting tests are to remember that RPC-XXX is unable to feel pain, but still fully able to take damage as any regular human would.

Reword this.


RPC-XXX is to be held against a 50cm thick concrete slab and restrained with leather cuffs attached to all limbs.


MST Papa-3 "Anti-Growth Hormone"

Check the List of all MSTs and see if you can use any of the pre-existing ones.


Upon incapacitation, transportation of RPC-XXX back to the containment cell is to be done immediately.

Reword this.


and surveillance cameras are only to be used for security purposes.


All tactile stimuli that would normally elicit pain in other human subjects do not induce any reaction from RPC-XXX

This effect applies throughout the full extent of her body.

This is redundant.


Each time a wave of signals is sent, a large number of electromagnetic waves are also emitted by the nociceptors, which can damage electronics that are in contact with RPC-XXX when said waves are emitted.


RPC-XXX loses higher brain functions, instead acting on impulse , emotions, or sensory stimuli.


In this state, RPC-XXXX displays extreme aggression and seeks to harm any animate object it encounters, doing so by first identifying any crucial components or sections of the said object, and violently removing it.


RPC-XXX has the maximum strength of an average Olympic weightlifter

Seems arbitrary.


RPC-XXX is currently visiting an Authority therapist


suspected to be caused by [DATA EXPUNGED] sharp bone causing her skin to rupture

Unnecessary DATA EXPUNGED.


only feels as if there is light contact in that area


RPC-XXX rarely exhibits sapience, behaving similar to a regular human.

This sentence does not make sense.


was able to endure in 4 shots to the chest before becoming incapacitated


RPC-XXX is compliant and will not take any comments to heart.

I don't understand what this is trying to say.


In other words, it's because RPC-XXX cannot feel the pain that caused her skeletal structure to grow like that.

The line of reasoning here doesn't make sense.


Aight we got some stuff from the get-go, strap yourself in gamer:

Re: RPC-XXX: VRPC by Arbiter_SoulArbiter_Soul, 01 Aug 2022 15:41
RPC-XXX: VRPC
YaBoiTemYaBoiTem 01 Aug 2022 03:45
in discussion Writing & Drafts / Drafts » RPC-XXX: VRPC

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/yaboitem

go nuts, lemme know what needs to be changed


|-._.-|

RPC-XXX: VRPC by YaBoiTemYaBoiTem, 01 Aug 2022 03:45

http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/24ayn5

Sorry in advance for the wall of text you're about to critique (I believe the count is somehwere in the 5000 word range). I'm sure there are unnecessary parts in there, but I'd like to hear someone's opinion on it!


Sincerely, 24ayn5

Here is the link to the article: http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/doc-auk

Once Again, any criticism is highly appreciated, anything to help refine my article would help tremendously.

I sincerely hope that you guys enjoy reading my article, Thank You.

Overall I like this article a decent bit, the actual anomaly is interesting, and uses actual caribbean folklore well. The actual story of the article was well done also, with the implication that the Authority may actually be conserving a group of literal demon children. I just think that the description needs some expansion, and while I didn't mention it in the larger critique I think you should consolidate a lot of your paragraphs into larger ones.

Re: The Ciguapas by SuperspambotSuperspambot, 27 Jul 2022 21:02

Sorry, I probably left some important details out because my aunt was preaching me about the Bible.

If you need more guidance or feedback, let me know on Discord kid. It's a good tale, for sure!

High GammaHigh Gamma 27 Jul 2022 04:04
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » RPC-115

Yet another article in which nothing really happens. Sure, it tells us what it did, but it does not elaborate on the consequences of it. Something as simple as a table of contents indicating relations between RPC-115 and violent insurgencies around the world would work smoothly with it, but the article decides to end with a short and irrelevant collapsible.

I will be reminiscing of Togetic's words from 2 years ago, it's halfway to a decent article. A damn good one, provided some love and ingenuity is put into it.

2 stars, for being halfway decent.

by High GammaHigh Gamma, 27 Jul 2022 04:04
The Ciguapas by DrXOUBLE DDrXOUBLE D, 27 Jul 2022 02:46

Alrighty

Very interesting. I hope this can settup future in depth explorations of the lore of each nation/regions branch. 5/5

page 1123...next »
Unless otherwise stated, the content of this page is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License