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I want to say it was a blast and my pleasure to create logos for the Vatican Secretariat and Project Blue Book AoI. Hope you all enjoy.
I want to say it was a blast and my pleasure to create logos for the Vatican Secretariat and Project Blue Book AoI. Hope you all enjoy.
Contrary what others think here, I think the ending is kind of funny and is a stronger point of the article. What I dislike is the fight log, specifically: How was this logged? Cair Aisling prevents recording equipment which would enable realistically cataloging this, especially dialog within a dynamic flame fight. I can image them having incredibly loud voices, but nothing written suggests that so instead I'm left pondering for an answer and less actually focusing on the fight.
Anyways this honestly reminds me of my early childhood days fighting with my brother over whose turn on the PC or PS2, and I can't hate how funny that is especially since we used to have animal super power personas to go along with it (at some point I was fed up with being an aqua bird against an electric horse so I just opted to be a dragon, fittingly enough).
I like where it was going but it doesn't lead to anything, I agree with Raggabrash on this. I'd like to add for instance how you could expand it, the most obvious being if a research team has an anomaly on their hands which transports you elsewhere, they'd test it! The simplest of tests would be tying an CSD with a harness and a camera as feed for command or even a drone, ie a video log.
This isn't exactly criteria to follow through with, but with the direction your article is going it can be a tool to elaborate on something otherworldly, which I'm interested in reading about but right now is basic description of what's beyond without really painting a picture to wonder about.
Another thing I want to add is to remind yourself length should only be covered when the concept necessitates it. It's a matter of conveying what you have in mind in the most effective and efficient way, otherwise you risk bloating the article.
blabbo
Yes you did add detail. Just enough detail to make it sound like you're going somewhere interesting but not enough to actually go somewhere interesting.
And there's no limit on length. Have you actually read a lot of RPC's? Most of them are much longer than this; if this was posted as is I'm fairly certain it would be one of the shortest things n the site.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
Sorry, I responded late, and if this message sounds rude, I did add multiple phrases that include details about the cave. "This environment is an unlit cave system consisting of passageways. Spatial layout within RPC-752-1 is inconsistent and often exhibits maze-like properties."
"RPC-752-1 contains a variety of anomalous architectural and environmental features distributed throughout the cave system. These include constructed rooms, archways, dungeon-like chambers, and expanses containing vegetation, including fully-formed trees and patches of subterranean greenery."
And another thing, does the document need to be long? I thought it needed to be quick.
(Psalm 23:1) "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall lack nothing"
It's not bad in terms of grammar and tone (except that you use feet, you should ALWAYS use metric) but there's nothing here. It feels unfinished. There's not point; you just say it teleports people to a cave and then nothing about what's in the cave beyond the bare minimum of detail. This is barely a draft, it's just a synopsis.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
(Psalm 23:1) "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall lack nothing"
Don't really have much to say. It feels a bit rushed in terms of writing (you repeat yourself about the whole "people think it's just a rumor" thing which isn't even something that important to know, and the paragraphs don't really flow into each other very well). But overall it just feels like a pretty straightforward ghost story. I think that could be executed well, but you just spell it out without any real sense of mystery and just make the audio files, which should be a creepy, feel superfluous. If you want to make this a short creepy article, and I think that might be the best approach, you should try and keep things a little ambiguous.
Situation normal, Cap'n! Spiraling out of control!
Reuploaded by staff with permission from the original author, Dusk Neoka.
Image source:
"Ottawa, Canada - September 24, 2024: McDonald's fast food restaurant building" by Iryna Tolmachova, editorial use only (digitally altered by Mr Makor)
Draft critics:
Funhouse
ColonelGW
Abbefalkon
Draft thread:
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16989356/article-posted
Reuploaded by staff with permission from the original author, Dusk Neoka.
Image sources:
#1: Photograph by Josh Emm, CC-BY-NC 4.0
#2: Photograph by Hans Holbrook, unlicensed
Draft critics:
DoubleDenial
Mr Makor
DrXOUBLE D
televisionist
ColonelGW
Draft threads:
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16760162/revised-rpc-565-the-cookie-moth-draft
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16959955/rpc-565-rewrite
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-17060875/the-cookie-moth-deluxe-expansion-version
Reuploaded by staff with permission from the original author, Dusk Neoka.
Image source:
Original artwork by Funhouse
Draft critics:
DoubleDenial
Abbefalkon
Mr Makor
Draft thread:
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-16934624/article-posted
This one's pretty short and simple. Please do tell me if that's to its detriment or not
http://rpcsandbox.wikidot.com/felme-ra
http://rpcauthority.wikidot.com/forum/t-17146867/ay-yo-new-draft-hazard-poker
WITH MY TURBO DOGSHITASS USELESS RETARD HAND I COME TO CONQUER THIS CONTEST.
There were a lot of interesting suggestions during the writing of this article that I ultimately decided not to apply because the theme/tone focus was very narrow. Time will tell if I regret it.
Thanks to Thermic, ColonelGW, and Double for their crit.
Thanks and applied.
Will begin workshopping an addendum.
(This review is adapted from thoughts I gave in the RPC Reading Club.)
The anomaly itself is pretty weak and doesn't have any coherent logic to it. I understand what the author wants it to be, but it's a transparent mechanism for the moral conflict he wanted to set up. It requires some unstated sentience or mind-reading power to interpret the intended calculations with desirable outcomes and without influencing any number of similar models. Less charitably, it's plot armor.
This article's plot is a three-trick pony: someone uses the anomaly for a good cause (and is usually punished for it); someone uses it for wacky selfish and trivial ends (cue laugh track); or the effects of the anomaly cause comically improbable misfortune or death. It's a stew of the same usual stuff you get from wish-granting and tychokinetic anomalies with little extra character; everyone has the same voice. And it's long! It has five of the same interview where someone is asked why they did something, they give their reason, and everybody sits there silently or goes "oh, um, shit" in a faux-emotional moment. The only thing this builds up to is me becoming a serial killer. Callaghan is the one character with a consistency greater than sludge, but it only emerges at the last possible scene.
I like the concept of the ending. It's the payoff, right? I like thinking of things in terms of setup and payoff, and when you think about it, it is a smart idea. Write an article that makes you angry, angry that the Authority doesn't use their abilities to improve the world. Then say "Hey, there's a GOI for that!" and who is it? The RCPA! Clever; it's a much better way to characterize a group than making them another cannon-fodder military to fight against, that's for sure.
At least… on paper. But the only anger I got from this was irritation at how daft everybody is.
On 29/05/64, a payment of 220,000HKD was received by Wong ██ ████ from an Authority front. Dr. Lai has denied all knowledge of this incident.
Oh boy, I wonder what happened there. Of course the Authority doesn't make good decisions when you write them too stupid to prepare a sandwich. What did I get? I got an anomaly that never made sense, and a bunch of the same thing happening. It's a storyline with only two or three beats, and the full runtime definitely suffers for it. 2/5
Done, thanks.