RPC-424 - RPC Authority

RPC-424

Malthusian MRE

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An instance of RPC-424, with identifying labels removed.

Registered Phenomena Code: 424

Object Class: Alpha-Yellow

Hazards: Bio-Hazard, Emotional (RPC-424-A[d]), Explosive (RPC-424-B), Extreme Temperature (RPC-424-B), Microscopic, Organic (Fungal), Regenerative, Sensory (RPC-424-A[d]), Transmutation

Containment Protocol: Unused and unopened RPC-424-A and RPC-424-C variants of RPC-424 are kept sealed within their original crates, which are kept in a locked alpha containment room. Standard dehumidification is to be maintained within the room.

RPC-424-B is to be kept in a separate alpha containment room adjacent to that holding the other two, with its interior walls modified for blast-resistance. Absolutely no organic waste is to be left in either room, especially RPC-424-B's.

Usage of any packet requires research authorization and the attendance of a mycologist to assist in the identification of produce. Personnel are not to consume anything produced from RPC-424-A nor C, excluding CSD-class personnel strictly for research purposes.

Should an RPC-424-A instance produce mushrooms of the Psilocybe genus, that instance should be accordingly marked as RPC-424-A[d] and seperated from RPC-424-A instances who do not. Any non-CSD personnel caught consuming RPC-424-A produce, particularly Psilocybes from RPC-424-A[d]s, are to be subjected to a disciplinary hearing.

Experiments involving RPC-424-B are to occur within a medium-grade blast-resistant experimentation chamber (or to take place at an outdoors testing field) with adequate shielding for all on-site personnel.

Description: RPC-424 is the formal designation of three packets manufactured by the hostile GoI "Church of Malthus". RPC-424 packets are categorized by the GoI as Packet A, Packet B and Packet C, respectively reclassified by the RPC Authority as RPC-424-A, RPC-424-B and RPC-424-C. All three packets weigh an average of 2g each, with equal dimensions of 100mm x 80mm x 3mm.

One of each RPC-424 instances are bundled together into an opaque plastic sheet alongside non-anomalous utensils¹ and are meant to be used in combination with one another. The packets bear no decorative features save applied adhesive labeling bearing a red star and usage/storage instructions. The packets feature a tear line at the top, and are resealable. Each packet's interior is lined with what appears to be a mould-soaked substrate.

Basic advice printed on the back labels state to keep the packets sealed when not in use, to keep the interior lining moist to prevent any delay in activation, and bear further instructions unique to each packet. Barring minor variations, the instructions for each packet generally state to shake each packet over moist organic material², then wait for a small period of time.

+ Analysis of RPC-424 instances A, B and C

- Close

An assortment of edible fungi produced through the application of RPC-424-A upon the corpse of CSD-5603 (terminated in an unrelated incident).

Packet A: Solid Food Production

Instructions upon this resealable sachet state to '…shake packet over moist organic material, wait 10 minutes, then harvest.' Additionally, a disclaimer states that the packet may be used once every 12 hours, and reminds the user to "make the most of it". A nutritional table lists the basic daily calorific requirements for adults and adolescents, along with a chart of estimated calories from various food sources.³

Shaking an opened RPC-424-A causes it to eject spores of an indeterminable genus. Attempts to analyze these spores are unsuccessful due to rapid self-denaturation. Should the packet be shaken directly over a suitable growth substrate as instructed, the substrate is then observed to be rapidly consumed within minutes, producing a diverse assortment of edible fruiting bodies. With the exception of a few packets (see below), the fungi produced all belong to edible species and are rich in nutrients, vitamins and calories.

The mechanism of growth defies logic as the base substrate can be completely incompatible with the growth of non-anomalous edible fungi; tests with conventional mushroom substrate, vegetative mulch, decaying wood, rotting meat and human corpses produce generally similar results. Interestingly, an experiment that involved "luxury goods" substrates was observed to fruit an overwhelming majority of fungi commonly perceived as "high-end gourmet food"⁴.

Due to experiment failures, it remains a hypothesis that the originating spores are some form of "predecessor" within the fungi kingdom's phylogenetic tree, designed to rapidly convert the base substrate into a more compatible growth medium before differentiating between Ascomycotic and Basidiomycotic fruiting bodies. Document 424-1 suggests that a fungus-themed faction within the Church of Malthus' Microbes Division "pre-programs" these spores with a "genetic memory" of the edible fungi that they may grow into upon usage.

Certain RPC-424-As are observed to produce mushrooms of the Psilocybe genus, capable of producing Psilocybin and inducing the expected psychedelic state in consumers. Document 424-1 implies this to be due to internal negligent tampering with the RPC-424-A creation process. As such, RPC-424-As found to be capable of this feat (Current est. less than 20% of the seized quantity) are labeled accordingly as defective (RPC-424-A[d]) and separated from the others.

Sarcoscypha coccinea, believed to be the base template of RPC-424-B's organism.

Packet B: Heater Unit

Features flammable and explosive hazard symbol labeling. Instructions state to seed RPC-424-B spores on moist organic substrate, wait for the "heater unit" to finish growing, then to insert food into cavity and pinch the opening shut, maintain a safe distance of 5 meters and await the reopening of the cavity. Additional instructions list a range of substrate quantity/quality for best results, and to proportionally increase/decrease said substrates for greater/lesser amounts of food requiring cooking. A warning is mentioned to not supply more than 3kg of substrate per growth.

Upon performing the instructions, RPC-424-B deposits spores that lead to clustered growth of nodules. These nodules appear to detect and converge onto each other, forming a spherical scarlet fruiting body with a hollow interior. While bearing resemblances to the Scarlet Elf Cup mushroom, this variant features a significantly greater size, shorter stem, reinforced hooping surrounding a thick and sturdy cup and a malleable adhesive membrane surrounding the upper edges of the cup.

Upon sealing the membrane shut, a reaction is induced within the cup that generates an exothermic reaction that may reach up to ███ degrees Celsius. The mushroom neutralizes itself in this process, and once sufficiently cooled the cup can be broken off from its now-brittle stem and opened to reveal the "cooked" contents.

When grown on substrate beyond the 3kg limit, the organism generated becomes increasingly unstable in proportion to its increased size, with its exothermic reaction possibly resulting in either a conflagration that consumes the entire cup, or an explosion. The most powerful explosion so far is estimated to match 12kg of TnT, with RPC-424-B being seeded on a whole cow carcass as an experiment.⁵

Attempts to understand the mechanisms of this extreme bioexothermic mechanism are ongoing. Dissection of non-activated specimens do not reveal any spores-producing tissues.

Discovery Log: Ongoing intel gathering on Church of Malthus activity suggested increased movement around an established Church of Malthus front, previously dismissed and kept under minimal observation for being disused. Visual observation showed a frequency spike of visiting Malthusian operatives, typically arriving in trucks, vans and cars to deposit various boxes and cargo.

With suspicions arising that the Church of Malthus may be stockpiling biological weaponry for an attack, a motion was unanimously passed to raid the premises. A collaboration of MST Echo-8 "Plague Doctors" and MST Foxtrot-04 "Prey" stormed the location, only to find it undefended and understaffed. Rather than fight the operatives, the sole Malthusian personnel on-site chose to flee the premises.

A detailed sweep of the premises revealed this "abandoned church" was hastily repurposed into a holding facility for what could possibly be considered a product recall, as evidenced by a single note seized from the fled personnel's quarters:

+ Open note (Document 424-1)

A Motorola LX2 pager was also recovered from the warehouse, sporting a biological attachment that can fit on a finger. The pager's signal detection is nonfunctional. It is believed that a particular biological modification⁶ is required to access the Church's communication channels via the finger socket. This lends credence to suspicions that certain groups in the Church of Malthus hybridize outdated technology with anomalous modifications in order to clandestinely communicate.

One send/receive message chain can be recovered from the pager:

+ View pager log

Further investigation of the caretaker's quarters revealed a covered-up crevice which contained a conventional USB thumbdrive. Inspection of the device shows a single folder labeled "PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS", containing a single video labeled "INTERNAL USE ONLY".

It is assumed that every living participant in this promotional video are members of the Church of Malthus.

+ Open video transcript

- Close

[ Present: Church of Malthus logo ]

My dear Malthusian chums!

[ Scene: A burly man sits on the wreckage of a jeep, assuming a pose not unlike Augustus Rodin's "The Thinker" sculpture complete with with hand on chin. The jeep appears to be crumpled in from repeated fist blows. He is surrounded by corpses of various unidentifiable operatives. ]

Have you ever had the conundrum of being surrounded by so many dead bodies after a hard day of work, while having absolutely nothing to eat?

[ The man holds a dismembered head to his face in a Shakespearean manner. He sighs, throwing the head over his shoulder. ]

Too far away from polite society to refuel at some generic store or cafe?

[ Scene: An adolescent girl stands in the middle of a jungle, scowling. ]

In the middle of nowhere…

[ Scene: [DATA EXPUNGED] ]

…or, perhaps some warzone with nothing but detritus?

[ Scene: Unidentified Libyan military installation, on fire. A man smiles for the camera, holding up a beheaded and dismembered Military Officer's corpse in the manner of a fishing catch. ]

Worry not!

[ Scene: A makeshift studio stage with three tarped objects, a tall and slender male in a yellow shirt and overalls striding in as spotlights move across the stage. Applause track played. ]

I'm Felix Black, certified "Fun Guy" of the Fungal Sect, and I'm here to bring you a new and exciting innovation!

[ Felix reveals RPC-424 in his hand, spreading it in the manner of playing cards to reveal an additional two. ]

It all comes out in these few little packets! Easy to conceal! Easy to carry! Self-refilling!

Exhibit A!

[ Felix pulls a tarp away to reveal a rotting cow carcass. He recoils. ]

Phow-ee, can you smell that from here, folks? Just take Packet A and empty it out, and… presto!

[ The carcass is gradually covered in a fungal bloom. Felix gets on his knees and beckons the camera come closer, revealing the growth of numerous mushrooms. ]

Wow-o-wow-ee can you see what I'm seeing? <Digs through bloom, plucks mushrooms> We've got puffballs! Enokis! King oysters! And is that… <Reaches into bloom> …a truffle?! All of it edible, straight from the get-go! <Nibbles truffle> Mmm-mmm, top-tier mushrooms, Michelin-grade. <Makes OK sign, leaps up>

But wait! There's more! Let's get to the real interesting stuff now, shall we? By now I'm sure you're wondering: "Am I supposed to eat these raw? Isn't that kind of icky?" WORRY NO MORE!

[ Felix pulls off the second tarp to reveal a slab of rotting meat, shaking RPC-424-B over it. ]

Time to try out Packet B, and just- oh, will you look at that! It's practically ravenous, folks! Just gather your mushrooms, add in any other stuff - meat, whatnot, dump it all in that open mouth, pinch it shut and watch it-WOAH!

[ Felix leaps away from the organism and onto the ground, assuming the position for surviving a grenade blast.⁷ Footage briefly distorted. ]

Oh, wow, that is some toasty heat! I've got debris all over my hair. What a kick. But look at that, it's opened up! Can you smell the aroma, folks? Oh, look at all that fine-roasted mushrooms. Mm, delicious! And that's not all, folks!

Thirsty after all that good eating? We're glad you asked!

[ Pulls tarp, revealing a liter beaker of unidentifiable fluids. ]

Packet C makes its debut! Just put it somewhere where there's water and… Look at that! Our one-of-a-kind refined, reiterated and reinforced 'Myco-ultra-filtration' technology guarantees the water in these sacs are free of microbes, contaminants, toxins… Fresh pure water, safe to drink from the get-go! <Consumes water from growth, wipes mouth> Aaaah, refreshing!

Breathing new life into the good old phrase of 'Waste not, want not!'

But why stop there?! Call in to our toll-free line at (███)-███-████ (numbers appear at bottom of video) and get a pack of Mold Man Mulch with your order, FREE! After all, your benefit is also our benefit! That's right: (███)-███-████, (███)-███-████!

Interested yet? Give us that call! Don't be shy, we're practically family after all!

[ Felix leaps into the air, stretching his arms out. The video pauses and desaturates into greyscale as a monotone voice rapidly speaks over. ]

Disclaimer: Strictly NOT for inhalation purposes. Product pending Halal/Kosher certification due to an absence of cooperative Imams/Rabbis. Fungus MREs not effective for use in dry and arid conditions and/or an absence of water or humidity. Fungal Sect absolves selves of responsibility from injuries or death arising from irresponsible or improper usage of any and all packets, particularly Packet B. Fungal Sect does not possess comprehensive answers for ethical quandaries regarding whether consumption of Packet A byproducts derived from deceased human organic material constitutes second-hand cannibalism. For any further inquiries, feedback or complaints, call (███)-███-████ and ask for our latest in innovative fungal food technology.

With the lead provided from the video, the Church front for the Fungal Sect subdivision was called:

+ Conversation log

- Close

Interviewer: Vinny Hannoll

Notes: Attempts to trace the call was met with errors and randomized coordinates across the eastern states of the US.

Answerer: Afternoon, Monica's Mushroom Meadow. How can I help you?

Hanoll: Yes, hello. I'd like to ask about your latest in innovative fungal food technology?

Answerer: Hm… Alright. Inquiry, feedback or complaint?

Hanoll: A bit of all three, actually.

Answerer: Oh, joy. Do I get to pick the poison?

???: <Unintelligible> …doom and gloom, Sally. Put more fun in it!

Hanoll: Go ahead.

Sally: Let's get the nasty out of the way first then, sir. What's the complaint?

Hanoll: Why does my packet grow recreational drug mushrooms?

Sally: We sincerely apologize that our debut product did not meet your expectations in the focus of nutritional upkeep. The matter is purely internal so I cannot tell you the specifics on it, but rest assured that our production line has been assessed and redressed and will not be making the error again. It pleases us to inform you that you may trade in your defective food packet for a new one.

???: <Unintelligible> …tta talk so stiff?! You're not a robot!

Hanoll: How can I do that?

Sally: Oh, it's brain-dead simple, really. Just drop the thing over at-

???: <Growing louder> Hang on, hang on! All that's really no way to speak to a customer Sally, let me at it-

Sally: Mister Blac-?

???: HI, FELIX BLACK HERE! And boy, do I have quite the offer for- Say, who am I speaking to again?

Hanoll: An inquiring client, sir.

Black: Oh don't be so stiff and formal! If we're in this together, we might as well be famil-y?

Hanoll: Sir?

Black: …Heeeeeeeeey… Say something again.

Hanoll: Is there an issue with the line?

Black: …Iiii recognize that droll Authority drone voice anywhere! You're Mister "Interviewer-surrounded-by-thugs"! Small world, isn't it?⁸ <Chuckles>

Hanoll: And we certainly recognize your flamboyant speech patterns as well. You were never just a humble messenger to begin with, were you, Mister "Certified Fun Guy"?

Black: Guilty as charged! So! Does this put me on some super top secret Authority blacklist?

Hanoll: Your question implies we somehow forgot to put you on one from the first moment you revealed yourself to us.

Black: Touché. But since you've gone all the lengths to find out the number for our super secret clubhouse, let's chat. <Sounds of chair being moved> I take it you weren't here for my sparkling personality?

Hanoll: Well, we certainly weren't expecting you to be here. I was inquiring your assistant regarding your mushroom packets.

Black: So it was you guys who made off with our recalled stock! I mean, one doesn't go far in this sort of business without making a few enemies… But why, poor Durken's still shaking over your big scary men running into his peaceful shack waving all their big frightening guns!

Hanoll: That's a stretch to believe, considering the overall mentality of your peers.

Black: And is yours any better? Stubbornly stalwart, defending a stagnating status quo that will eventually sink the world into irreparable ruin through apathy and stasis?

Hanoll: It's still a preferable alternative to Eugenics through wholesale genocide.

Black: Stereotypes, stereotypes! Whatever we've done until now, we're nowhere near as bad or murderously mindless as you make us out to be-

Hanoll: Your organization's bodycount begs to differ-

Black: And is yours any better- Look at me, repeating myself. Are you here to inquire about our product line or are we just going to be doing this back and forth?

Hanoll: Yes, for once I agree with you on getting on with it. Now, your intention was to make a food generator to keep your operatives fed and at optimal working peak, isn't it?

Black: I mean, that's literally the point of an MRE. But why be relegated as such a simple idea, when it has the potential to be so much more? In a better world, this would be publicly hailed as a wonder of biology and agriculture; food that grows where it can, when it's needed! Imagine how much we would kneecap World Hunger in the shins with this! But this isn't a better world now, is it? Oh yes, that reminds me. <Muttering to self> Better make sure those Yggdrassil chumps don't get their hands on this…

Hanoll: We'd have no issues with that sort of intent as long as it could be done in a proper manner.

Black: But we do, because humanity isn't ready for this gift!

Hanoll: We can still reverse-engineer the mould in the packets that we have.

Black: Well, good luck trying to crack the code. You'll never find out what it is that makes our 'Precursor Fungus' (patent pending) tic. Better yet, we've fixed our batch problems involving those magic mushrooms and are improving on things! What have you done besides the shadowy organization equivalent of stealing candy from a baby?

Hanoll: If the majority of this conversation is chiefly going to be be schoolyard insults, I might as well be the one to show some maturity here and terminate it.

Black: Wait, wait!

Hanoll: <Sighs> What is it now?

Black: Can we at least have data on how many packets were defective?

Hanoll: No.

Black: Aw.

<End Log>

Notes: The phone line has been discontinued and draws a blank line on subsequent call attempts.

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