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Registered Phenomena Code: 702
Object Class: Alpha-White Beta-White Gamma-White
Hazards: Emotional Hazard, Sentient Sapient Sentient Questionably-Sapient Hazard, Teleportation Hazard
Containment Protocols: As RPC-702 effortlessly breaches all attempts at containment, it is best contained by simply being convinced to remain within Site-089. RPC-702 can be assigned to a handler of the day who will either occupy its time with enrichment activities, or simply accompany said handler. No severe/escalating forms of forced containment is to be performed on the possibility that it may drive RPC-702 away from staying in, or returning to Site-089.
RPC-702 has been fitted with a pet collar containing a global tracker. Whenever it leaves Site-089, the locations registered by the tracker are to be triangulated and investigated as areas of interest with relation to RPC-702's previous 'family'. Whenever RPC-702 returns from another period of absence, it is to be reminded of the need for its help and companionship in a friendly and non-reprimanding tone.
A cage with a mild heating element has been set up within Site-089's recreation room. Whether the cage door is locked or kept open is irrelevant due to RPC-702's teleportation/deformation capabilities. Staff are reminded to maintain vigilance over their own meals while RPC-702 is close by unless they wish to experience the abrupt disappearance of their meat portions. Staff are also reminded that RPC-702 materializes its own sustenance, and hence should not be fed at the cafeteria so as not to encourage bad behavior.
RPC-702 should not be shown any live video footage of Authority personnel it regularly interacts with, or has recently interacted with. It should especially not be encouraged to go to said personnel (See: Containment Attempt #3, Breach #1).
Description: RPC-702 is a carnivorous reptile of the Serpentes suborder, matching the physical descriptions of a Japanese mythological creature commonly referred to as the "Tsuchinoko" (ツチノコ, lit. Child of Dirt). RPC-702 features an unusually rotund length-to-girth ratio, possessing an overall length of 45cm with a body girth of 12.5cm (expands to 15cm post-feeding), the body sharply narrowing to form a thin and prehensile tail of 10cm. RPC-702 predominantly features light-brown scaling across its body, three darker-brown ovals along its back perpendicular to its length, and cream-coloured ventral scales.
Although for all intents and purposes a snake, it shows various outlier traits such as functional eyelids and lacrimal glands that allow it to display advanced distress in the form of crying. It is also capable of using its narrow tail as a crude appendage to grab and manipulate objects.
RPC-702 presents a friendly and affectionate disposition with an intelligence roughly comparable to a parrot/child. RPC-702 is capable of utilizing a limited vocabulary and vocalizations towards expressing happiness, confusion, unamusement or distress, and actively seeks to interact with nearby sapient beings for attention. RPC-702 displays notable empathy, and prioritizes approaching and comforting depressed or PTSD-suffering individuals. RPC-702 possesses a mildly gluttonous personality that will cause it to follow staff bearing food and repeatedly beg for portions, and may swallow unobserved food whole.
Despite its rotund appearance, RPC-702 is highly mobile and agile. It is capable of bursts of speed of up to ██km/h and able to jump █ meters in height. It can also adhere onto various objects and personnel via an anomalous mechanism similar to van der Waals force, allowing it to attach to personnel in impractical positions (such as the top of the head) that would otherwise result in it falling off.
RPC-702 appears highly resistant to bludgeoning damage, featuring an elastic body deformable to cartoonish proportions. In a series of accidents and experiments, RPC-702 has been: squashed, kneaded, stretched, flattened, compressed, stepped on, sat on, fallen on and various other actions. Despite these sustained shapes it merely voices displeasure as it slowly reverts to its original dimensions, unharmed in the process.
Most notable is RPC-702's teleportation capability; it commonly chooses to manifest this by entering crevices, openings or pockets, creating a "squeezing" sound, then manifesting elsewhere through another crevice, opening or pocket. Barring any lack of such openings, RPC-702 can also choose to abruptly vanish where it sits. RPC-702 also uses this ability to keep itself fed and hydrated with miniature packaged goods that appear to originate from RPC-702's dimension of origin (LoI-702), corroborating with footage produced by a remote camera strapped to RPC-702.
RPC-702 is occasionally known to vanish completely from Site grounds; While sometimes returning to LoI-702, it is also sometimes believed to be searching for PoI-702s: a family of six who it once lived with. Upon return, RPC-702 sometimes displays a sad countenance, evidently not succeeding. The collared global tracker RPC-702 wears has registered RPC-702's location at several spots across the globe: local investigators have not found any anomalous significance to these locations, but they may be locations of sentimental value that RPC-702 and its surrogate family could have visited in the past.
Discovery log: The Authority's Verification Department investigated discussions of a "very short talking snake carrying a photo" on an international herpetology forum, including videos, pictures and interactions with it. While several witnesses describe easily trapping or picking up the anomalous reptile due to its friendly nature, these reports would always end with its disappearance while in captivity. Japanese forum posters were noted to react particularly strongly within the thread, claiming the creature bears similarities to the fabled Tsuchinoko.
The forum thread in question. The latest reply was by a Japanese herpetologist speculating causes of RPC-702 being in Europe, strongly urging it to be sent back to Japan for further study and conservation.
While the forum thread was shut down under pretense of being a coordinated prank, Authority agents traveled to Einbeck (Germany) where the entity was last sighted. RPC-702 was found with a scarf wrapped around its neck and a bindle threaded through the cloth, approaching every human it encountered for help. RPC-702 presents a family photograph to the agents, strongly implying a desire to seek out the PoIs depicted within the picture.
RPC-702 was picked up by hand and obtained without effort. Within the transportation van, RPC-702 somehow made its way from the rear compartment into the lap of the agents at the front seat. It was assumed at the time that RPC-702 squeezed into the front compartment through a gap. Upon arrival at Site-155, an attempt to interview RPC-702 by assigned Researcher [REDACTED] was swiftly abandoned, citing RPC-702's limited understanding and vocabulary.
- The picture features minor damage and weathering, presumably due to RPC-702 carrying it under minimal protection.
- It is dated in 2018.
- RPC-702 is in the center of the picture, seated happily in the joined arms of a man and woman, their features faded and poorly visible. They are respectively designated as PoI-702-1 and PoI-702-2.
- The sides of the picture is surrounded by an assortment of venomous and non-venomous snakes who are altogether facing the camera. While these snakes are of conventional and easily-identifiable species, they likely possess anomalous sapience as suggested by their group coordination for the photoshoot.
- Several of these snakes possess distinctive appearances:
- A Western Diamondback Rattlesnake wearing a miniaturized cowboy hat and neck bandanna, its rattle replaced with a miniature revolver (sans grip). It appears highly uncooperative with the photoshoot, shaking its head vigorously while screaming in the direction of the camera.
- An Australian Tiger Snake wearing a miniaturized cork hat, its tail wrapped around a suspended can of Foster's beer. It appears to be in the process of collapsing at the moment the photo was taken.
- A Banded Krait that, while not exhibiting any unusual behaviors in comparison to the aforementioned two, is wearing a miniature toy traffic safety cone as a hat.
- A distinctively cryptid snake of unknown species possessing black scales with serrated flanks, notably on fire. It appears to be shaking bottled liquid upon itself to presumably maintain the flames, as implied by the brand label of "Arizona Death Valley Tabasco Sauce". No company is known to produce this.
- PoI-702-1 and 2 are surrounded by four prepubescent females (designated PoI-702s 3 to 6) that possess a shared set of anomalous appearances: Their skin is [REDACTED], their eyes emit [REDACTED] extensions projecting towards the outer sides. Their arms and legs also appear modified to resemble [REDACTED]. Despite their wildly anomalous appearance they appear to be in no discomfort and are smiling happily for the photo, embracing PoI-702-1 and PoI-702-2. While appearing to be daughter-figures, it is unknown if they are genetically related to, or are adoptees of PoI-702-1 and PoI-702-2. The possibility of PoI-702s 3 to 6 being creations of the GoI "Kabushiki Kawaii" is called into doubt as several of their features lack significant hallmarks of the GoI's biological alterations.
- A giraffe appears to be craning its head into the view of the window behind the group. Like the snakes, it appears to be consciously participating in the photoshoot, albeit from a distance of approximately 50 meters.
On the back of the photograph is a message:
To my dear Sierra,
May each and all of our silly little friends fill our lives with joy and laughter forevermore.
Yours with all of my love,
Alex
RPC-702 appeared to react with elation when informed that the PoIs featured within the picture are being tracked. When asked to describe the scenario that led to its predicament, RPC-702 requested a drawing implement and was provided a pen. Having difficulty in using the pen, it sketches a crayon and gestures to it as a request. Once provided a set of crayons and paper, it proceeds to make a sequence of crude drawings:
- A cartoonish caricature of the photograph: A couple with 4 unusual children, accompanied by snakes of all lengths, shapes and sizes. RPC-702 is clearly depicted in the center, cradled in the joined arms of PoI-702-1 and PoI-702-2. The rattlesnake is drawn with accentuated angry eyebrows.
- RPC-702 emerges out of a mousehole with a big smile, presumably for another day of activities with the family.
- RPC-702 makes its way around the household. It produces a speech bubble containing a question mark. Cobwebs are strung along the corridor.
- RPC-702 comes across the family photo laying on the floor. It is dusted over.
- RPC-702 looks down and drips tears as fellow RPC-702s surround it and put their tails on its back in solidarity.
- RPC-702 looks back while standing before a sunset, wearing the scarf and bindle with the photo in its mouth, beginning its journey to look for the PoIs.
The search for PoI-702s 1 to 6 continues, as well as that of the anomalous snakes and giraffe. No success has been made so far. It is believed that one PoI might be tied to Einbeck, due to RPC-702's repeated visits to the area.
Containment attempts:
Subject: RPC-702 (Unregistered at the time of logging)
Recorder: Security Officer Edward Burke
Foreword: Initial containment involved placing RPC-702 within an animal cage utilizing a hook-lock mechanism.
Notes: Recording is made on Burke's Authority-issue smartphone, and takes place within an Alpha containment chamber.
Burke: Hello from your average friendly neighbourhood guard Edward Burke, reporting and recording away on his camera's phone! Now why is a lowly guard doing this and not some labcoat, you're probably wondering? Well, <huffs> it's because absolutely no one's taking this little thing seriously. I mean, just look at it. Why, [REDACTED] won't even give me a proper camera to do this job! <Mock voice> "Just use your phone Ed, no one really cares!" <Sputters> Okay, starting serious tone now.
[ Burke clears his throat. ]
Burke: Research division has had their fun poking away at this little Unregistered-RPC and think there's absolutely nothing special about it. It's just a short fat snake that talks. Why yes, it's still unregistered! The scientists can't even be bothered to give this thing a number at the time, say it's a waste of a perfectly good number better suited for something else that'll destroy the world or somethin'.
[ Camera pans down to reveal RPC-702 lying flat on Burke's arm. ]
Burke: Hey there, lil' pal.
RPC-702: Ooooooooo! Hai!
Burke: So, this is just me recording the act of putting it in its cage, and securing the cage.
[ Camera pans to rabbit cage. ]
RPC-702: Ooooooooooo! Wat?
Burke: Say hello to your temporary home. A bit small, but it's got the basic essentials. Water, newspaper lining, a heat rock here and a plastic rock to hide in there… We'll see about getting you a bigger cage after all this. Okay, in you go!
[ Burke bends down and lowers RPC-702 towards the cage door. ]
RPC-702: Oooooooooooooo! <Headbobs>
[ RPC-702 slithers into the cage, exploring its new surroundings. Burke closes the cage, lowering a set of vertical hooks on the door onto horizontal bars. He tugs the hooks to confirm the cage door being firmly held in place. ]
Burke: All right! That's the cage closed. Make yourself comfy, lil' buddy.
RPC-702: Wat?
Burke: Hey I got other stuff to do, pay me no mind. Someone else'll be coming down to measure you up and see how to best feed and manage you.
RPC-702: Pls.
Burke: Nawww, now don't be giving me those bambi eyes! But seriously, I gotta get going.
RPC-702: Pls.
[ Burke exits the Alpha containment chamber, his phone's camera showing RPC-702 in its cage as the door is closed. He adjusts his grip on his phone to terminate the recording, accidentally pressing the button that swaps the active rear camera to the front-facing camera. Burke's eyes dramatically widen upon seeing RPC-702 perched on his shoulder. ]
Burke: What in the Goddamn-?
RPC-702: Hai!
<End Log>
Notes: Inspection of cage indicates RPC-702 had somehow managed to lift the hook and open its cage, but how it got past the closed door remains unknown.
Subject: RPC-702 (Unregistered at the time of logging)
Recorder: Security Officer Edward Burke
Foreword: Following several repeats (and failures) of Attempt #1, a new cage with a spring-loaded latch was acquired at the expense of Burke's paycheck.
Burke: …coming out of my pocket, can you believe this?! 'Budget constraints' I've been told, won't even spare a freakin' scientific camera or wotsit to record this thing in action! Okay, beginning serious tone.
[ Burke clears his throat. ]
Burke: Formal attempt number 2 to contain this anomaly, which that geniu-<Catches self>-researcher claims to have escaped containment due to… CARELESSNESS… on my part… Yeah, I'm talking about you!
[ Phone camera swings sideways to reveal RPC-702 suspended midair, held by the neck. RPC-702 does not appear to be discomforted by this. ]
RPC-702: Oooooo! Wat?
Burke: Anyways. As it is apparent that the unregistered RPC is capable of opening cages, containment number 2 shall take place with an upgraded cage with a much more secure latch. Which, for some reason I was… made to buy…
[ Camera pans to a new pet cage similar to the previous, now with a spring latch that requires lifting and sliding in order to release. ]
RPC-702: Oooooooooooooo! <Headbobs>
Burke: At least one of us is enthusiastic about this. Alright! In you go.
[ Burke records the act of inserting RPC-702, manipulating and securing the latch to hold the door in place, then silently records RPC-702 exploring its new surroundings. Having finished, RPC-702 looks up to Burke. Both parties silently stare at each other for another minute. ]
RPC-702: Wat?
Burke: …..Iiii know you're up to something!
[ Burke slowly backs out of the room, keeping the phone camera focused on RPC-702. Burke holds the camera up to his face, pointing at the camera lens then the RPC. He exits the Alpha containment cell, backs out and slowly closes the door, all the while maintaining line of sight with RPC-702 in its cage. He maintains a grip on the door handle. ]
Burke: Three two one-
[ Burke dramatically swings the door open. RPC-702 is still within its cage. ]
RPC-702: Hai!
Burke: <Relaxing> Oh ho, can't get out now eh? Guess all those tries earlier really was a fluke on my part after all! All right, wrapping up on this.
[ Burke closes the door. He hesitates, and switches to his phone's front-facing camera. Burke scans his shoulders and guffaws upon noting a lack of RPC-702. Satisfied, he deactivates his phone's video recorder. ]
<End Log>
Notes: Burke was later queried why he had yet to perform his task of containing RPC-702 with the new cage. Upon counter-querying, it was pointed out that RPC-702 was attached to his back while he was in the midst of having his lunch.
Subject: RPC-702 (Unregistered at the time of logging)
Recorder: Security Officer Edward Burke
Foreword: RPC-702 has been pre-emptively placed in a sealed glass terrarium (once again at the expense of Burke's salary), placed within a vacant gamma containment cell at Burke's insistence. Burke has also been assigned by [REDACTED] to sit by and keep guard over RPC-702 for the following 24 hours.
Burke: Eh. At least I'm finally being listened to. Using this budget camcorder instead of my phone. Joy.
[ Pans camera around Gamma containment cell ]
Burke: An' look at this. It's just me on this stool and RPC-something in its newest cage, in the middle of this big ol' room. A full 24 hours stuck in here with a sleeping bag, rations, portable potty… I swear, it's like I've been chucked in here just as much as you.
RPC-702: Wat?
Burke: <Sighs> Lemme just… Put the camera back on the tripod… There. Now let's see what's on the intertubes…
[ Burke begins cycling across various videos on his phone's video streaming application. ]
RPC-702: Pls!
Burke: Oh yeah, you're from Japan or somewhere about there, right?
RPC-702: Hai!
Burke: Well, if only you'd tell us how you made it all the way here. What the heck, let's see if any of these shows get something out of you.
[ Burke cycles through a series of live Japanese TV channels until RPC-702 recognizes the voice of Agent Anika Polkovskaya, coming from a live interview. ]
RPC-702: Ooooooooooo!
Burke: Oh, hey. Ain't that uh, what's her name… Polkadot-somethin'o'rather… Wasn't she playing with you a few days earlier?
RPC-702: Pls! <Headbobs>
Burke: No, no you can't go to her. She's like, about 8000 miles away from us now!
RPC-702: Pls!
Burke: And what are you going to do about it, huh? Teleport all the way to Japan?
RPC-702: <Halts headbob> Wat?
Burke: I don't know how you keep escaping the cages I put you in, but even that's way too much for you to pull off! <Laughs, slaps knee> Yes, that's right! Why don't you give a shot in doing your disappearing act from here all the way to that what's'er'name lady?
RPC-702: Ooooooooooooo! <Headbobs vigorously>
Burke: Oh come off of it! That wasn't actually a suggestion, I was just being sarcastic!
[ RPC-702 jumps up and nosedives into its cage's bedding, its tail excitedly shaking left and right. ]
Burke: Hangon, what are you doing?
RPC-702: Ooooooooooooooooo…
[ RPC-702 sinks into the bedding until it is no longer visible. Burke pulls the camera off its tripod and thoroughly investigates the terrarium, the footage indicating it to be completely devoid of RPC-702. ]
Burke: …Oh. Oh, [EXPLETIVE].
[ Meanwhile, in Japan… ]
Agent Polkovskaya: <In broken Japanese> …Yes! I love Japan! Even if I am only staying one year it is such a dear country!
Civilian Reporter: A temporary transfer, Anika-san? What can you tell us of where you work?
Polkovskaya: Ha ha! I am sorry, I cannot tell you, my contractor is of requesting privacy!
[ A long sustained sound of "squeezing" emits from Anika who looks about in confusion. She glances down and seizes up at the sight of a peculiar snout emerging from her coat pocket. ]
RPC-702: Ssssssss! Ooooooooooooooooooooo-<Smothered by Anika's frantic grasping>-BLUCH!
Reporter: <Laughs> What sound was that?! It sounded so cute!
Polkovskaya: <Laughing nervously> Yes, it is the tone-ringing phone of mine! I will take this, it is important very!
[ A muffled "Pls" can be heard coming from the pocket. Agent Polkovskaya turns and runs away from the crew. ]
<End Log>
Notes: For unknown reasons, RPC-702 chose to return back to Site-155 during Agent Polkovskaya's frantic attempts to contact the local RPC branch to explain the situation and have RPC-702 picked up. It emerges from Burke's pocket during his attempts to explain its disappearance to command.
[REDACTED] postulates that RPC-702 merely entered Burke's 'deep pockets' while Burke fell asleep on the job, dismissing Burke's footage as a 'hoax'. Burke in turn accuses [REDACTED] of being highly scornful of RPC-702 and himself and being "full of [EXPLETIVE]". Command orders both personnel to cease hostilities while awaiting the seizure of the interview footage from Japan (retroactively added above).
Burke's proposal to reclassify RPC-702 to Omega is denied. [REDACTED]'s proposal to reclassify RPC-702 to Beta is approved.
Instigating Staff: Nils Wagner
Foreword: Despite RPC-702's numerous containment breaches becoming public knowledge in Site-155, Researcher [REDACTED] vehemently maintains the narrative that it is solely due to careless mismanagement that allows RPC-702 to repeatedly exit Beta-class containment. Due to RPC-702's harmless nature, staff grew to tolerate and pay little concern to its presence.
Prior to this incident, RPC-702 had followed Doctor Nils Wagner into his dormitory room just as he had the idea to video-call his ophidiophobic pen-pal Kageyama Yuriko at Site-089, notifying her of RPC-702's arranged transportation from Site-155 (Europe) to Site-089 (Japan) due 1 month from this call. Due to time zone differences, Nils made the call during the early afternoon in Europe, while it was night in Japan and Kageyama was preparing for sleep.
Kageyama: Eek, it's disgusting! Stop holding it up to the webcam!
Wagner: But it's a Tsuchinoko, Yuri! I thought the Japanese really love these things?
Kageyama: They do! But, I just don't like slimy things…
RPC-702: Wat? Pls!
Wagner: Whaaat? Don't be ridiculous, snakes aren't slimy! It's dry and smooth! Come on, you. Go! Go up to her and say hi!
RPC-702: Wat? Oooooooo! Oooooooooooooo-
[ RPC-702 runs into Kageyama's display on Wagner's monitor while headbobbing, producing a loud 'splat' sound on impact. ]
RPC-702: -bluch! Wat? Pls. Wat? <Distressed headbobbing>
Kageyama: Ha! Little thing can't come here after all! I'm safe! <Laughs, sighs in relief>
RPC-702: <Looking left and right while headbobbing> Pls? Pls. Pls.
[ RPC-702's gaze falls upon Wagner's labcoat. ]
RPC-702: Oooooooooooooo!
[ RPC-702 leaps into a surprised Wagner's pocket, its tail slowly worming down and vanishing below the lip. ]
RPC-702: Ooooooooooo, yaaaaaa…
[ The squeezing sound fading from Wagner's pocket resumes from Kageyama's swelling pajama pocket. ]
RPC-702: …aaaaaaay!
[ RPC-702 headbobs enthusiastically within Kageyama's chest pocket as she stares upon it in wide-eyed disbelief. RPC-702 finishes bobbing and swivels its head up to meet Kageyama's gaze. Both stare at each other silently. ]
RPC-702: Hai!
[ Kageyama faints. RPC-702 crawls out of her pocket. ]
RPC-702: Wat? <Cranes head over an unconscious Kageyama's face, headbobbing> Ooo pls hai-
Wagner: <Hands on head> Oh! Oh! Oh no, oh no, oh no oh no - I mean, come on back, little friend! Just uh, j-just go back in that pocket and come over here back to Europe, nice and easy!
RPC-702: <Slithers towards slightly open doorway> Ooooo, wat? <Peeks out into female dormitory, headbobs> Ooooooooooooooo!
Wagner: Wrong way! Wrong way! Come back! Come back!
RPC-702: Oooooooooooo! <Exits room>
[ Silence. A distant sound of "Hai!" can be heard, immediately followed by shrieking. ]
<End Log>
Notes: A security lockdown of the female dormitories was initiated as part of standard security protocol. Security head in the direction of screaming to witness a female member of staff (identity omitted) fleeing and throwing personal belongings at a confused RPC-702 as it continued to chase her for attention. Just as RPC-702 noticed and approached security in greetings, said personnel threw a loaded luggage trunk on it, deforming it into a uniformly 3mm-flat disc with an area of 100cm2. RPC-702 was required to be removed from the floor with a paint scraper, all the while producing sounds of displeasure.
Notes 2: Dr. Wagner was verbally admonished for the unauthorized activation of RPC-702's ability and having caused an incident in a foreign site. Despite this, he was not penalized in consideration of bypassing the costs and scheduling requirements of an intercontinental flight required to transport RPC-702 from Site-155 (EU) to Site-089 (JP), which could have been complicated by its ability to leave the transport at any time.
Notes 3: An investigation requested by Site-089's administration over why RPC-702 had yet to be assigned a number at the time (still being an U-RPC as of that moment) reveals a dismissive attitude by Researcher [REDACTED] towards various eyewitness testimonials (especially Officer Burke's) of RPC-702's escape and translocation capabilities, citing a lack of 'applied scientific method'.
Exonerated of all 'unprofessionalism' claims made by [REDACTED], Burke has been fully reimbursed for the cages he was made to purchase outside of budgetary protocol by [REDACTED], deducted from Site-155's research department budget. [REDACTED] has been written up for a disciplinary review.
RPC is finally registered with the number 702. Motion to upgrade RPC-702 to Gamma, passed.
Interviewer: Dr. Kawada Ippei
Interviewed: RPC-702
Notes: Interview is conducted in Japanese. RPC-702's responses are transcribed as-spoken. Bolded words are spoken in English. RPC-702 had just finished crawling to the top of a bookshelf and is headbobbing throughout the interview.
Ippei: Hello, 702.
RPC-702: Ohai!
Ippei: 'Ohai'? Do you mean, 'Ohayō'?
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: 'Hai'! Is that a 'yes'?
RPC-702: Hai! <Headbobs faster>
Ippei: Hm. I see. But, I must inform you that it is currently the afternoon.
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: Okay then. How are you finding yourself in this site so far, are you all right? Aside from, well, getting flattened much earlier.
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: And are you okay with being named "RPC-702", or is there any other name you prefer to go by?
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: …And what other name would you like to go by?
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: Is… that so? Did you understand my question?
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: Are you… certain?
RPC-702: <Stops headbobbing> Wat?
Ippei: Evidently not. But… 'Wat'? Isn't that 'What'? But that is in English. Is RPC-702 perhaps bilingual? Did it perhaps learn some English from its previous carers?
RPC-702: Wat? Pls!
Ippei: 'Pu-lis'? 'Please'?
RPC-702: Pls! <Headbobs>
Ippei: <Scratching head> Hmmm… This is stranger than I thought it would be. From what I believe, 'hai' is used interchangeably, or even simultaneously as the english 'Hello' and the Japanese 'yes'.
RPC-702: Hai!
Ippei: <Speaking into recorder> I believe communications with RPC-702 might be primarily context-based. It would be for the best to refrain from extended or complex interviews with this entity. <To RPC-702> Can you tell us where you came from?
RPC-702: Wat?
[ Dr. Ippei rubs his chin. ]
Ippei: I shall reword that: Is your home a very nice place?
RPC-702: Oooooo! Hai! <Headbobs enthusiastically>
Ippei: Would you like to show us? I think we've got a resident artist with crayons…
RPC-702: Oooooo!
<End Log>
Notes: RPC-702 proceeded to sketch a crude drawing in the manner of a child's poster, depicting a bright sunny hillside filled with numerous holes and brown lumps. One brown lump at the base of the picture emits a speech bubble in punctual kanji, saying "こんにちは!!" (Konnichiwa!!). RPC-702 goes on to write a caption in broken English on the table by accident, inviting visitors to "Plƨ 2 kum Suchi hilz". This supposed "home" location of RPC-702 and its ilk is hereby designated LoI-702.
RPC-702's crayon drawing of LoI-702, with several other RPC-702s included.
Notes: RPC-886 awoke from an evening nap, having experienced traumatic flashbacks in its dreams. RPC-886's scream and subsequent weeping occurred as Security Officer Takeda was passing by with RPC-702 on his shoulder.
Takeda: Oh great, another nightmare.
RPC-702: <Raises head> Wat? Wat?
[ Takeda flips the sign by RPC-886's cell door, changing its message from "Visitors welcome" to "No visitors". ]
Takeda: I don't intend to sound mean, but her doorway needs more soundproofing.
[ RPC-702 leaps off of Takeda. ]
Takeda: Hey, where are you going?
RPC-702: Wat? Pls. Wat?
Takeda: Come back! Don't go in there.
RPC-702: Pls. Pls. Pls.
[ RPC-702 nudges its nose against the bottom of the sliding door and squeezes through, entering RPC-886's room. Takeda follows suit to record the cross-interaction, choosing not to interfere. ]
RPC-702: Oooo… Hai?
[ RPC-886 continues to sob, not noticing RPC-702's approach. ]
RPC-702: Pls… Hai? Hai?
[ RPC-702 begins exhibiting peculiar behavior: It steadily bobs its head three times, then bobs once to the left. It performs another set of three bobs, then a bob to the right. RPC-702 repeats this until RPC-886 gradually notices its presence, reducing its sobs while picking RPC-702 up. ]
RPC-886: Why? First Mishio, now you…
[ RPC-702 snuggles into RPC-886's arms quietly. ]
RPC-886: …Why is everybody coming back now? <Hugs RPC-702 tightly> Everybody's… Not going to disappear again? <Holds RPC-702 before itself> I… Oh, look at your smile, you just… You want me to stop, I… I will, thank you…
[ RPC-886 would gradually calm down while holding onto (and refusing to let go of) RPC-702. Dr. Ippei would later come in to counsel and query RPC-886 on the details of its latest flashback, while also querying about RPC-702. ]
RPC-886: Tsuchinoko shouldn't be freely showing themselves towards so many others…
Ippei: We are actually curious about that too, Shiomi. What do you know of this species? Do you remember anything of them from centuries ago?
RPC-886: I… remember, Tsuchinokos are supposed to be incredibly shy creatures. They choose who to bond with. They choose who to reveal themselves to. The old saying goes: "You do not find a Tsuchinoko; a Tsuchinoko finds you."
RPC-886: Therefore, I don't fully understand this little one's motivations. Why, to go about before so many humans? Unless… What is this little one's story? Where did you find it?
Ippei: Halfway across the world, would you believe it? It was looking for a family. Still appears to be, in fact.
[ Apparently understanding the explanation, RPC-702 retrieves its family photograph from between RPC-886's tails. ]
RPC-886: Oh! There are other unusual snakes out there? These are wearing hats! And those four girls too, they look most unusual… I see, I can almost feel the warmth in the picture. It bonded with a family who showered it in love. No wonder it risked much to find them, it truly loved this family back. They're just the sweetest little things, don't you know? Rumour was, Tsuchinokos are descended from heavenly serpents who willingly sacrificed their divinity to live and spread goodness among mortals.
Ippei: Interesting. We do not recall any such origins in our myths.
RPC-886: Tsuchinoko are supposedly bringers of luck, happiness and joy. This little one's sadness… For them to have vanished, it must feel that it failed this family. Poor thing… You miss them all too, don't you? Just as much as they most certainly miss you. Strange that you seem to have difficulty finding them… But then again they do not seem to be a typical family, do they not?
Ippei: They most certainly don't appear to be, no.
RPC-886: For it to keep coming back to this organization, back to so many people… There has to be something that draws it back. A sense of safety and trust. As if this place is its new home, its new family. It is a good sign… I am happy for it. Please, I hope it stays that way.
Ippei: That is very heartwarming to hear, thank you. I have one last question before I go, if that's all right.
RPC-886: Yes?
Ippei: The cave that holds your kind along with many others… We've never found any Tsuchinoko inside of it. Given this one's impossibility to keep contained, could it be that…
RPC-886: <Nods> A Tsuchinoko can never be forced into wherever it does not want to be. If true, it would be a silver lining that this little one and its kin was spared from the Vanishing, just by virtue of being blissfully unaware of the concept of being held against their will.
Ippei: I see. Thank you, Shiomi.
RPC-886: Thank you too, and to you as well, little friend. Go on, I'm feeling much better now. You've got other places to be.
[ RPC-702 gives RPC-886 one last nuzzle, and leaves by burrowing between RPC-886's tails and reemerging in Dr. Ippei's labcoat pocket. ]
<End Log>
« VIDEO LOGS DELETED »
Last edited by: Sr. Rsc. Junichiro
Message from the desk of the Senior Research Director
I really have better things to do than to explain the removal of these logs…
Strapping a camera to RPC-702 and prompting it to "show us your home" was easily the biggest mistake of a research proposal that I've approved in recent times.
Despite the contents of the logs looking as if they belong more within a children's show than a clandestine facility, I had no issue with studying and archiving those.
What issue I had, however, was the escalation of staff requests for RPC-702 to return more and more to that dimension. Not for research purposes even, but for cheap entertainment derived from the ridiculousness of the logs! The entities in there were quite aware and questioning of the object strapped to the head of their ilk! There were no markings on the camera, and yet they somehow learned of, and are now scrawling the Authority symbol on sand and bark! Some were even starting to go about in ridiculous costumes mimicking Authority uniforms! They're LEARNING!
The last thing we need is fifty-no, a HUNDRED more gamma-class nuisances rolling, slithering and flopping all over site grounds!
All further exploration proposals into LoI-702 are hereby suspended, effective immediately. RPC-702 is to possess no attached device beyond the collared tracker, and is to no longer be persuaded and encouraged to return to LoI-702.
Update: RPC-702 underwent a lengthy disappearance episode spanning a week, its global tracker nonresponsive. Upon its return, a pleased RPC-702 was observed to be carrying a letter in its mouth. While the letter is freely given with RPC-702 even encouraging the letter's contents read to it, attempts to retain and archive the letter fail as it consistently vanishes and resurfaces either in RPC-702's possession or its cage. A photocopy has been made and the original letter is left with RPC-702. The letter matches the handwriting behind the photograph, confirmed as PoI-702-1's:
Tsuchi,
This farewell message is probably a bit too complex for your sweet innocent mind to comprehend, but knowing that you'll try anyway and get happy at seeing my handwriting brings me some peace. So, I'll just… take the opportunity to air out all my thoughts, I guess. Write a little extra, just for you.
It's been a while but I'd be lying if I said I weren't hurting still. I still can't get over how it feels like it all was for nothing in the end. She really did love me, but… she just wouldn't stop pushing me away when it mattered the most.
Or was I too impatient? Should I have waited another five years in hopes that she'd finally overcome her crippling insecurities to really be with the one she loved?
A little part of me is still angry at her, wanted to just… hate her for how she led me on for so long. Yet I can't even bring myself to do that in the end. For all of her inner demons, she truly loved me.
The laughs and gifts that we shared, the arguments and tears that we had… All of that was real. It really wasn't a lie. I only need to see your bright beady eyes and big wide smile to know it wasn't all for nothing in the end. From the moment you slither-waddled (Sliddled? Sliddled.) into our lives, you were easily the best thing ever that ever happened to us.
What happened wasn't your fault. Never was, but I know you still want to find her and bring us back together. The chances of that are slim, to put it lightly. I don't think you'll ever succeed, and honestly? That's fine. I won't stop you (couldn't anyway), but please don't push yourself beyond your limits.
Thank you (and all the others) for all the laughs and smiles that you've brought us in those better years.
Now… Our story may be over, but that doesn't mean that yours has to end with us.
You're a little snake with a big smile and a bigger heart, see, and all that goodness inside of you is still worth sharing with many others across the world wherever you may go.
I hope you find a new family; other hearts to mend, new smiles to make, new laughter to be had.
Shine on in your adventures, you sweet little thing. We'll always love you no matter what.
Hope to see you again soon, little buddy. Maybe even one day with all of us, all together again.
Alex
Attempts to query RPC-702 on PoI-702-1's location are met with confusion and ecstatic headbobbing. As such, a reply letter has been written and attached to RPC-702 to be delivered to PoI-702-1. While RPC-702 appears to have understood the instructions to deliver the letter to PoI-702-1, no reply has been sent back.
Footnotes
