tagnone
 #1 Article |
 #1 Joke Article |
 Top Ten Article |
 Active Contributor |
 Contest Winner |
 Contest Runner-Up |
 Challenge Winner |
 Art Contest Winner |
|
|
|
|
{$translationblock} |
 |
Registered Phenomena Code: 867
Object Class: Alpha-White
Hazard Types: Auditory Hazard, Sapient Hazard
Containment Protocols: RPC-867 is to be housed in a 10 by 10 meter chamber at Site-012. All personnel must put in a request with Site Director before engaging with RPC-867 for any reasons other than testing. Researchers assigned to RPC-867 must provide non-personal reasons before any testing is to be approved. RPC-867's chamber must contain the following:
- One (1) small table to rest RPC-867 on. To be cleaned once a day by janitorial staff.
- One (1) personal computer, with access to music streaming services, playing randomly selected songs at all times when RPC-867 is not in use or undergoing testing. Use of internet access for streaming of music is acceptable, as RPC-867 is incapable of using the computer.
- Soundproof padding to prevent any music played in containment from reaching outside the containment chamber.
RPC-867 may be temporarily transferred to other Sites for the purposes of psychotherapy and other mental treatment. All requests for RPC-867 must be made to the Regional Director of your area.
Description: RPC-867 is a anomalous instrument identical to the Otamatone novelty instrument by the CUBE toy company of Japan. The only visual difference between RPC-867 and the Otamatone is the Sal N' Pals logo printed on its bottom. RPC-867 came to the attention of Authority personnel after the store owner of a small toy shop in ███, Minnesota called the police in a panic, stating that one of his products was "possessed". When police arrived (believing the store owner had been abusing illegal narcotics), they were addressed by RPC-867, which was sitting on a display shelf and trying to coax a music request out of them, and the owner. Local law enforcement quickly took RPC-867 into custody. Authority operatives monitoring law enforcement agencies in the area were alerted to police acquisition of an anomalous object, and quickly confiscated RPC-867, with Class-B Extergito Glyphs administered to police and the shop owner.
RPC-867 is sapient, and speaks with a male voice in an exaggerated midwestern accent. While RPC-867 cannot be played like an Otamatone, RPC-867 will produce music on request, and is capable of perfectly reproducing any song it is asked to sing. When performing a song, RPC-867 will provide the vocals, while the instruments can be heard playing in the room. The instruments playing during RPC-867's performances do not emanate from any visible source. When asked to perform a song that involves multiple vocal performances (e.g. songs sung by a choir, or songs that utilize backing vocals), RPC-867 will manifest non-corporeal, transparent instances of itself, dubbed RPC-867-1, in the air around it. RPC-867-1 will materialize to provide the extra vocals, and vanish the moment they are no longer needed.
RPC-867 is generally friendly, enjoying the company of others and eager to sing for them. RPC-867 also enjoys listening to music itself, and appears to have an appreciation for every known genre of music, with the only songs it has been recorded disliking being amateur, off-key performances. When both listening to, and performing music, RPC-867 will sway back and forth. This is to be considered normal behavior, and an expression of RPC-867's enjoyment.
Further anomalous properties of RPC-867 are demonstrated when it is asked to perform songs of its own creation. Despite its eclectic taste in music, the original songs RPC-867 performs are described by listeners as atmospheric, and uplifting in nature. However, it can create songs of other varieties if asked. Original songs performed by RPC-867 have a pronounced effect on the listener's mood and behavior, becoming more pronounced the longer one listens to the song. RPC-867 prefers to perform songs that will improve one's mood, and will become hesitant when asked to perform music that causes the listener distress. When asked to play music for malicious purposes, RPC-867 will appear to shut down, refusing to speak to the individual who made the request for some time.
The mood altering effects of RPC-867 do not seem to have an inhibitor. No matter the disposition, or mental state of the listener, RPC-867's music will have a significant effect. Individuals suffering from severe trauma have seen a notable degree of psychological improvement, if not an outright cure, from the songs produced by RPC-867. Further study into the use of RPC-867 to treat (or perhaps cure) conditions such as clinical depression and PTSD is ongoing.
Interviewed: RPC-867
Interviewer: Dr. ██████
Foreword: Interview conducted shortly after RPC-867 was transported from police custody to Site-012.
<Begin Log>
Dr. ██████: Hello there, RPC-867, how are you?
RPC-867: Hey 'dere! Thats a funny name for me y'got! But I'll sure take it! I'm doin' fine, t'anks!
Dr. ██████: What are you, exactly? We can see you're based on an existing toy, but how did you achieve sapience?
RPC-867: Can't say I rightly know 'dere, fellah! One day I'm just here, ready t'sing! Speakin' of which, y'got any requests?
Dr. ██████: Perhaps later. How did you arrive in Mr. ██████'s shop?
RPC-867: Fellahs from the toy company dropped me off, same as all the others!
Dr. ██████: Others?
RPC-867: Oh yeah, loads of 'em! Whole truck fulla funny little things! Courtesy of the fine folks at Sal N' Pals! They just pulled up to the store, and then poof! One minute I'm in 'ere, next minute I'm on the shelf!
Dr. ██████: And what is it you do?
RPC-867: Well I'm the Music Man! I sing, of course! No matter what kinda music yer lookin' for, I can play it! Yep, you betcha! And hey, if yer lookin' for something new, I can play you an original little ditty of mine to brighten yer mood!
Dr. ██████: You write your own songs?
RPC-867: Sorta. Mostly just come up with 'em on the spot, don'tcha know.
Dr. ██████: Tell me, do you remember anything before you were on the truck? Where you came from?
RPC-867: Nope, can't say that I do! Earliest I remember was sittin' in that truck, 'dere.
Dr. ██████: Thank you, RPC-867. Is there anything I can get you? Do you require sustenance of any kind?
RPC-867: I don't eat nothin', but I could use some tunes to listen to if no one needs me to sing anything!
<End Log>
Subject: CSD-18754
Request: Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Result: Performs the song in its entirety. CSD-18754, who has seen the song performed live, and owned the album the song is featured on, notes that RPC-867 is performing the studio version of the song, albeit sounding as if it is being performed live in the room.
Subject: Dr. █████
Request: Beethoven's 5th Symphony in C Minor
Result: Music played as normal, with RPC-867 fidgeting and occasionally glancing around the room. Described by observing researchers as appearing to "not know what to do with himself." Symphony played until RPC-867 was asked to cease. RPC-867 commented at the awkwardness of having nothing to sing, but stated that it hoped Subject enjoyed the show regardless.
Subject: Dr. █████
Request: Hallelujah Chorus of Handel's Messiah
Result: Upon reaching the portion where vocals begin, RPC-867 manifested roughly thirty (30) instances of RPC-867-1, which each served as an individual singer within the overall chorus. Chorus was performed to completion. Subject described the performance as "breathtaking". RPC-867 appeared elated at this response.
Subject: Researcher Dreyfus
Request: Apocalypse by Bathory
Result: RPC-867 moves in a forward-rocking "headbanging" motion rather than its usual swaying when the music starts. Violently shakes and vibrates when performing the vocals. Song is performed to completion.
Note: RPC-867 appears to become quite physically involved when performing heavier music.
Subject: Dr. ███
Request: Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio featuring L.V.
Result: RPC-867 performs both Coolio and L.V.'s vocals in the song, summoning RPC-867-1 instances only for the background vocal "aah"s during the chorus. RPC-867 joins in with the RPC-867-1 instances at the end of the song, participating in the final "aah"s. During the performance, two CSD Personnel are instructed to grab an instance of RPC-867-1. They are unable to do so, and phase through each one they attempt to catch. RPC-867 does not acknowledge this.
Note: RPC-867 appears to perform the role of all primary vocalists. In cases of featured artists, RPC-867 will perform the roles of each individual vocalist itself. RPC-867-1 instances only seem to be used for vocals requiring a chorus, or vocals performed at the same time as vocals RPC-867 is already singing.
Subject: CSD-90357, suffers from anger management issues, intentionally antagonized by Site staff prior to testing for the purposes of this experiment
Request: To perform an original composition
Result: Music of an ambient, atmospheric, and ethereal nature begins to play. The sounds of acoustic guitars, flutes, soft drumbeats, chimes, and some gentle synthesized sound are among the recognized instrumentation. After an instrumental beginning period, RPC-867 begins singing in a gentle, female voice. RPC-867 does not appear to be singing in a known language. Approximately 40 seconds into the performance, Subject's sour disposition begins to fade. 1 minute and 10 seconds into the performance, vocals cease and a harp solo begins to play. RPC-867 begins singing soft, lyricless vocals in the same female voice to accompany the harp. Sound is described as "angelic" by observing personnel. Subject begins smiling. Song changes to the sound of strumming harp with ambient nature sounds. Flutes become slightly audible as song comes to a gentle end. Subject clears his throat in a visible attempt to supress tears, and thanks RPC-867 for the performance. RPC-867 responds with "anytime 'dere, bud" as Subject is escorted from the room. RPC-867 was questioned by researchers as to what language it was singing in, and responded with "a little something I remembered. Not sure from where, though."
Note: Following this test, CSD-90357's demeanor has improved significantly, and has become much more cooperative with Site personnel. Further testing needed to verify if the anomalous effect was due to the music, or the language the song was sung in.
Subject: Agent ██████, currently being treated for PTSD after a containment breach by RPC-████
Request: An original composition, sung in the English language
Result: Song is sung in gentle male vocals, instrumentation is primarily acoustic guitar and ambient backing sound. Lyrics revolve around messages of hope, with the verses revolving around the story of a soldier returning from a horrific battlefield and being greeted by his wife and child. Special attention is given to the child in the lyrics, using it as a metaphor for hope, innocence, and the future. Lyrics in the chorus are more general, and focus on the message of hope, and of not giving up. Lyrics appear to resonate with Subject. During the first instance of the chorus, Subject appears enraptured by RPC-867. Near the conclusion of the song, he is crying openly. Upon conclusion of the song, Subject attempts to stop his crying, and thanks RPC-867, who replies by hoping Subject feels better. Subject requests a recording of the song, which is later approved by Site Director.
Note: RPC-867 may be some form of empath. If asked to perform an original song with no instruction, it seems to create a song the listener needs to hear. Further testing to be done to see if RPC-867 can induce any emotion if instructed.
Subject: Agent ████, a longtime Authority veteran who has been exposed to several RPCs deemed to be notably unpleasant
Request: "Something that will scare" Agent ████
Result: RPC-867 appears hesitant at first, looking around and asking Subject if he's "sure about this." Subject confirms he is. RPC-867 appears to begin singing, with much of the same mannerisms displayed when performing heavier music. No sound is audible in the recording, or heard by observing personnel. Shortly after RPC-867 begins, Subject enters a visible state of panic, clutching his chair and violently scooting away from RPC-867, before screaming, rising from the chair, and hurling it at RPC-867. The chair misses, but this spooks RPC-867 and brings the performance to an end. Security forces quickly enter and subdue Subject, who is trying to attack RPC-867. Subject continues yelling as security holds him down and bounds his hands, demanding to know "what the hell was that" and claiming that RPC-867 is a "mother ███████ abomination". Subject is removed from the room, and administered a Class-B memory wipe before being dismissed.
Subject: Dr. ████
Request: RPC-867 was placed in a room with CSD-9095 and asked by Dr. ████ to play something that would frighten CSD-9095
Result: RPC-867 responds with a flat "what". Dr. ████ repeats the request. RPC-867 asks Subject if he wants to be scared. Subject responds in the negative. RPC-867 replies simply with "oh," and ceases all movement. Research team attempts further communication with RPC-867, but no response. Research team becomes frantic, and Dr. ████ leaves to contact Site administration. Upon Dr. ████'s exit from the room, RPC-867 becomes responsive again, stating that he does not "like that guy." RPC-867 becomes unresponsive again when Dr. ████ returns.
Note: As RPC-867 has continued to enter an unresponsive state whenever Dr. ████ is in the room, Dr. ████ has been transferred from Research Team 867.
Subject: Researcher Smith
Request: "Something sexy"
Result: Saxophone and piano instrumentation begin as RPC-867 sings in a deep, baratone voice of an African-American male. Lyrics shift back and forth between the unknown language and English. English lyrics seem directed toward a woman, stating the singer's appreciation for her, and that he wishes to show his appreciation (presumably physically). Subject appears to grow incresingly restless for the duration of the song, with frequent fidgeting and repositioning of himself in his seat. Upon completion of the song, Subject is perspiring hevaily. Subject asks to make a brief trip back to his home to see his wife, attempting to give a reason why but failing to complete a sentence (attempts to claim she has a medical emergency, that she knows where he left his "files" back home, and needs "help in the kitchen"). Request is initially refused by staff, but granted by RPC-867 Research Director.
If I had made him stay here in the state he was in, he wouldn'tve gotten anything done all day. So we just had him clock out about an hour and a half later than usual, since that's about how long he took to come back. -Dr. █████
Approximately ██ days since RPC-867 came into Authority custody, an envelope appeared taped to the primary entrance door to Site-012. The envelope was discovered by Agent ██████ during a routine morning patrol. Preliminary testing for explosives and anomalous properties turned up negative. Nothing was written on the envelope itself, though it did contain a single handwritten note. No fingerprints could be detected on either the envelope, or the note inside. The handwriting of the note itself is considerably meticulous, leading staff to initially believe it was typed. A review of surveillance footage from the night before revealed no individual delivering the note. At approximately 3:15 AM, the note appeared in its place on the door after a brief disturbance in the video feed.
The contents of the note are as follows:
Greetings, Gentlemen
I hear you have been enjoying The Music Man. As you can see, Sal N' Pals produces only the finest and most unique toys for children (and children at heart). While some of them may be what you'd consider "dangerous", is that not half the fun of childhood? The risk, the danger, and the headaches given to one's parents?
You people have been so irrational in your approach, it boggles the mind. I am not this monster you believe me to be. I am a businessman. I deal in wants and needs. If my products are so frightening, perhaps your issue lies with my customers and not me. Simply because you do not understand them, or how we make them, you give them this childish label of "anomalous," outright admitting you have no idea what the hell is going on. But as long as your term for "weird" sounds science-y enough, eh?
Perhaps one day your Global Directors will decide to stop being such children and grow up. When that time comes, I hope we can do business together.
-H
