RPC-J-OURNAL
NOTICE:
The following recovery logs are excerpts from journals that manifested when researchers addressed the nature of the anomaly herein. They require no editing and have been deemed appropriate for official documentation once organized.
Dear Journal,
It's me, Researcher Perry. Very gassy today. I'll be interviewing Dr. Wallace… yes THE Dr. Wallace. I've studied almost all of his works, not even in preparation for this, but just on my own out of admiration. Going to take a GasX or two. If I let one rip during the interview… and he notices… will he wrinkle his nose? Or suffer through it? I know the researcher, but what kinda man is he? I will find out tonight I hope.
Dear Journal,
It's me, Dr. Wallace. Got an interview coming up tonight as part of that award. I'll have to actually leave the office and… wear pants. Not looking forward to that. Pretty nervous. Do pants stay up on their own? Should I write in my pants as part of some official containment protocols, just to be sure?
RPC-___ is contained by Dr. Wallace's pants. These pants must be engaged and supported at all times by MST ___ - "Ants in Pants", who will escort Dr. Wallace everywhere. Each member of the 14-person team will be responsible for handling a chromium-vanadium steel tether, attached to the belt loops of Dr. Wallace's pants. At no times are these tethers to be kept below maximum tensile capacity, except for bathroom visits, when these MST members are to close their eyes and promise to keep them shut tight. Also, they will need to cover their ears because I have bad performance anxiety.
Looks good, I'll get this sent off pronto. Hopefully it will be enacted in time for the interview tonight.
Dear Journal,
Hi, it's me, Cynthia. While filming an interview for some award, something really strange happened! We would have liked to have had the footage, but it all got destroyed in the event. Wish there was some way to recover all that… no one will believe it otherwise.
Oh well. I hope Perry recovers fully… he has 3rd degree paper cuts on 83% of his body.
I wish he looked at me like he looks at Dr. Wallace.
Until next time,
-Cindy 💖
Dear Journal,
Hi, it's me, Golthar.1 I found a way to get a bunch of people to read all my journal posts. No more single-digit read counts and I could even have a higher read-count than Glungar. Turns out there's a whole dimension of people who are just gah-gah for even the smallest instance of our anti-matter; when it leaks over the membrane, they call it an "anomaly". At the first sight of one, they go into full-on fanboy mode, figuring out every little thing about it and adding it to their collection. I haven't quite got the mechanism down… it produces basically all the information about and around the "anomaly" too. But it seems they have to read them all, every time! I know it's kinda… piggybacking, but hey… people are reading my stuff.
Researcher Perry: (to Dr. Wallace) … and so I said, “I’m from Alabama, and I’d sure as hell do it!”
(Chuckling)
Researcher Perry: (turning towards the camera) And welcome everyone. Let me treat you and the ongoing celebrations to an interview with our very own Lifetime Achievement Award recipient, Dr. Eugene Wallace! Dr. Wallace, thank you for meeting with us today.
Dr. Wallace: Happy to be here.
(Both chuckle over each other awkwardly and Researcher Perry, not being a versed host, waits far too long to recover gracefully from the bloated silence that followed. Dr. Wallace can be seen scrunching his nose.)
Researcher Perry: So, welcome. Thanks for letting us interview you. You are just… a legend. The number of anomalies that have been understood or described by you, and that have been contained thanks to those descriptions, is… 830. Wow. First question: Where do you get your inspiration for your phrases?
Dr. Wallace: Well, to be honest, a lot of it is straight from the RPC-J-OURNAL-A instances. And I mean almost verbatim sometimes. But other than that, I try to use a lot of standard-issued terms and clauses; like "invariably", or "have met with failure", or "to that end", or "no fewer than". You know. Same with the containment procedures at times.
Researcher Perry: Wait. You said RPC-J-OURNAL? I'm not familiar with that one.
Dr. Wallace: Yes, I'd say a good 90% of my work is based on RPC-J-OURNAL-A instances. Not plagiarized, mind you! (Chuckles and looks at the camera, then down to his lap.) Just as far as the actual information for the anomaly goes. (Looks back up to Researcher Perry.) I can't believe you haven't heard of this one, it's a big deal.
Researcher Perry: No, I… why don't you let us know about that one? One you discovered and described I'll bet?
Dr. Wallace: No no, it's always been there, way older than me. We come across this all the time. In fact, I'd say RPC-J-OURNAL has saved the day… or should I say date? (chuckles)… on numerous, numerous occasions. No leads as to where this plague of genetically mutated insects came from? Boom, there's RPC-J-OURNAL and a bunch of RPC-J-OURNAL-A's.
Researcher Perry: So… this anomaly helps you… describe other anomalies, I take it?
Dr. Wallace: Yup.
Researcher Perry: How does it do that?
Dr. Wallace: Journal entries.
Researcher Perry: Journal entries?
Dr. Wallace: Good god, son, they are everywhere. If you know where to look.
Researcher Perry: I'm a bit confused. Sorry… (Flips through his notated index cards.)
Dr. Wallace: Those journals are amazing. Yep, all 800+ of my anomalies, as you noted.
Researcher Perry: What the hell, so over 800 of the anomalies we know of came from anomalously spawning journal entries that… fortuitously let everyone know exactly what's going on?
Dr. Wallace: Well, not exactly. But yes, close enough.
Researcher Perry: (to the production crew) Should we… do you want me to stop the interview?
Dr. Wallace: I don't… I don't think this is classified, but I forget things in my old age. You never asked yourself how we got so lucky to have all these journals that spell things out for us? You never wondered why that is so reliable or routine?
Researcher Perry: I… sorry… It's just that your work was… very inspiring to me. And…
Dr. Wallace: Well (chuckles) it does do a lot of the hassle for me, I'll give you that. You know, most of the time this is probably the easiest, laziest, least critically-applied, ultra-convenient, lowest-effort, unscrutinized, and suspension-of-belief-threatening part of this sort of work. You should be glad for this, young researcher.
Researcher Perry: Hm. I wonder what the RPC-J-OURNAL-A's would say…
Dr. Wallace: No, son, don't do it!! Stop!!
Researcher Perry: … about RPC-J-OURNAL itsel—
<Before Researcher Perry could complete his sentence, Dr. Wallace lunged at him to cover his mouth. However, he was restrained by MST 32-30's operational protocols, and Researcher Perry got the "f" out. Immediately, thousands of journals manifested in the space and filled the room to the brim, trapping Dr. Wallace, Researcher Perry, the MST, and the production crew.>
Closing Remarks: After their recovery, all in attendance were amnesticized, save for Dr. Wallace who also happens to oversee usage policies for amnestics.
Registered Phenomena Code: RPC-J-OURNAL
Object Class: Beta-White-UT
Hazard Types: Replicating Hazard, Tychokinetic Hazard, Info-Hazard
Containment Protocols: RPC-J-OURNAL is to remain uncontained by order of the Global Directors. Commentary regarding RPC-J-OURNAL is to be kept to a minimum so that it can be relied upon again and again and again without so much as a second thought, or much of a first one either. To that end, RPC-J-OURNAL is to be infused with an antimeme that selectively obfuscates the egregiousness of its overuse & function, so that its communicability may be preserved in full.
Each RPC-J-OURNAL-A instance must be read in its entirety by staff. Once digitized, the contents of RPC-J-OURNAL-A instances are to be included in official documentation headed as “Recovery Logs” or “Journal Entries”, and then stored for eventual use as motor fuel.
Description: RPC-J-OURNAL is a second-order phenomenon that affects uncontained anomalies targeted for official description. Upon one or more individuals initially pondering an anomaly's possible properties, backstory, context, emotional motives, and/or narrative, large quantities of personal diaries or journals, designated RPC-J-OURNAL-A, will spontaneously appear about the anomaly. These journals are filled with entries written in the most convenient language and are readily available for reading and reproduction.
Entries within RPC-J-OURNAL-A commonly involve gratuitous expositions regarding the fine details of the entity's origins, function, and reason for being. As a result of RPC-J-OURNAL, those who are involved in the creation, propagation, or operation of a yet contained anomaly are 16,000% more likely than an average individual to pseudo-immortalize their most relevant and revealing thoughts on the matter onto easily-discoverable collections of paper. RPC-J-OURNAL-A instances have a secondary anomalous quality which allows them to be discovered in 100% of cases.
The authors of these entries typically emerge as PoIs or as the anomalies themselves, and often explicitly lay out their own involvement in the anomaly's origin and/or effects in question. Over 3000 of the current 4493 persons of interest have been detained thanks to RPC-J-OURNAL, and it has been instrumental in the successful description and containment of innumerable anomalies.
As a tertiary anomalous quality, instances of RPC-J-OURNAL-A are able to inexplicably power and propel vehicles as motor fuel.